


Let the Stars Remind You

by LassLuna



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Don't Like Don't Read, F/M, There is only one Killian Jones, This is Knightrook and Captain Swan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2019-06-28 07:28:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 56,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15702630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LassLuna/pseuds/LassLuna
Summary: “It’s ok Papa, you don’t have to worry. We can trust her, she’s just like me,” She says holding his hand. “She can hear the stars. She’s just like me.” she repeats, a look of wonder on her face, pure belief in what she’s saying. Killian looks down at her. His little girl, his Starfish, and isn’t sure. He still isn’t sure if rescuing Emma Swan is the best thing he’s ever done, or their undoing.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HollyeLeigh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HollyeLeigh/gifts).



> So this is really, really late, but Happy very late Valentines Day hollyethecurious, I'm sorry for disappearing, and that this is a little different from what it started as, but I'm really terrible at deadlines, and one shots. I honestly don't know how many parts this will end up being. I hope you like it!
> 
> 7/16/18: So last month my stories all got deleted and my account got frozen for reasons out of my control. I now finally have the ability to post my stories again so I will be re-posting everything in time.

He usually spends his mornings by the beach. It’s his time to think every morning, his time to just relax for a few moments before Alice wakes up. He enjoys seeing the sun rise with his mug of coffee in his hands. Despite living in the middle of nowhere, they always seem to find interesting things to do to occupy his precocious daughter.

There’s not a cloud in the sky, and the water looks perfect. It’s going to be a perfect day.

Perhaps he should take Alice swimming today. Killian wonders, taking a sip of his drink. He knows he has to get Alice up soon to start the day, he has some leftover bread from last night, toast and tea sounds like a nice breakfast, they could make something more substantial for lunch.

Killian’s in the midst of his thoughts when suddenly he notices something. It’s a dark shape washed up on the edge of the beach.  Slowly, he puts down his mug and makes his way closer.

_It’s a body._ Cold dread fills his veins.

_Did they find them? Is she here? Are they here?_ It’s just like her to leave something like a body to send him on edge. When Killian is close enough, he realizes it’s a woman washed up on his beach.

Her skin is pale and she’s half frozen. There’s an ugly gash on her head matter by mangled blonde hair. She’s also bleeding from a wound to her leg.

For a moment Killian thinks she’s already dead, but then she takes a shallow breath and Killian feels a weak pulse.

_She’s alive._ He realizes, but she won’t be for much longer if she doesn’t get help, and there’s no one else here, no one here for miles except him.

It makes him hesitate.

_She’ll tell them where he is. She’s probably working for them._ He thinks; it would be safer if he just left her there. It would be safer for Alice.

But then Killian looked at her, really looked. Her hair was mangled and her face was far too pale, but she looked stunning none the less. There was something about her that seemed familiar to him, special.

Killian doesn’t think twice before getting down on his knees, trying to judge her breathing. It’s weak, very weak. He sighs before starting compressions, then pressing his lips to hers, attempting to breathe air into her lungs.

It’s been years since he learned CPR, so he hopes he remembers what Liam taught him.

He continues switching from compressions to breaths until he she starts to cough up sea water.

“There we go love.” He urges helping her turn over to cough it up. “Just breathe.” He urges. She still feels cold in his arms, but she’s not shaking which is a bad sign. Shaking means she feels the cold, no shaking means she’s already numb.

Once it seems like she’s done and taking large gasps, he lowers her back to the sand. Her eyes are open, just barely, he sees green peak out as she blinks at him. She murmurs something, but Killian can’t quite make it out.

Reaching down, Killian scoops the woman into his arms. Her eyes close. “Come on lass, let’s get you inside and warmed up.”

Apparently his perfect day is about to get complicated.

//

He brings the woman back as quickly as he could.

He was thankful she didn’t wake during the short journey home. He was glad she didn’t regain consciousness had he carried her awkwardly; Killian was struggling between a princesses carry and lugging her over his shoulder towards home.

Home was an abandoned lighthouse in the middle of nowhere. It was run down and vacant when he found it, but with a few personal touches, he’d managed to make it a home.

There was a modest living room with a fire place and a beat up old couch, a tiny kitchen with a table and a barely working gas stove. He’d taken residency in a storage room, just enough room to store a couple of his things and a bed. Alice’s room was the only interesting thing about the place in his opinion.

What used to be an attic had been transformed a princess tower. Drawings covering the walls, flowers at various stages of life hanging all around, books littered the place. It was perfect for her. It even had a large window with a perfect view of the sea.

It might not be much but it was _theirs,_ and now here he is bringing in an intruder to their lonely tower.

Unfortunately, while the woman didn’t wake, Alice did. The second he came through the door, he hears a pair of feet race down the stairs.

“Morning Papa!” She exclaims jumping onto the last step, a book in her hand. He can see an idea racing through her head already. “Can we-“ She stops. He sees her make eye contact with the woman as he sets her down on the couch.

“Who’s she?” She asks, her eyes narrowing in her direction, then they widen. “Papa, is she..?” She asks trailing off, clutching the book to her chest with a fearful look. Killian shakes his head.

“No Starfish, she’s alive, barely but alive.” He insists, sitting beside the woman trying to wrap her up in the blanket lying on the sofa. It was doing little to bring the color back to her cheeks. He knows he needs to get her into something warm and dry very soon.

“But she’s blue!” Alice insists, venturing closer.

“She needs our help.” He tells her. “Can you be a big girl for me and help me warm her up?” He asks, he half needs her help and half wants her out of here in case they can’t save this woman, in case she does freeze to death or the cold had already done the damage to the woman’s brain or other horrific things he does not want Alice exposed to.

“I need you to go get some fire wood.” He instructs. “As many as you can carry. We’re going to have a big fire in the fireplace and warm her up.” He explains. Alice’s eyes dart back towards him and she nods. His daughter rushes out to do as she’s told.

In the meantime Killian sets to get the woman out of some of her soaking wet layers. He pulls a red leather jacket from her shoulders with relative ease, the buttoned down is a little more difficult. It takes more maneuvering stiff limbs to get the ruined material off her body. Killian considers leaving the undershirt how it is but decides it’s more important to save her life than worry about her embarrassment.  Killian finds one of his old band t-shirts to replace it.

He goes to the kitchen to grab the first aid kit, knowing that the last thing a half drowned hypothermia victim needs is an infection. He makes short work of the gash on her forehead, cleaning and bandaging it with ease.

Then he has to deal with the jeans and the blood. He tries to pull the jeans down to see the injury, but the fabric sticks to her skin. With a sigh, Killian resolves to just get rid of the stained and ruined jeans. The moment that they’re gone, Killian sets to work disinfecting and bandaging the wound. It’s clear right away that the wound is deep and won’t stop bleeding. He also realizes that it’s no ordinary injury, it’s a bullet wound, gone through and through.

Bullet wounds mean bad news.

Killian tries to ignore that implication, focusing instead on the fact that it needs stitches or it’ll never stop bleeding, it’s been a while since he’s given anyone stitches.

He wonders if he should be concerned that she barely made a sound throughout the whole ordeal.

Thankfully he has the woman in a pair of too big sweats, wrapped in a thick blanket by the time Alice gets back, carrying way too many pieces of fire wood than a ten year old should carry.

“Easy there Starfish.” He says rising to grab some of the larger chunks before they could be dropped. “This is more than enough.” He assures her.

“Is she going to be ok?” Alice asks as he starts the fire. “Was she in the water a long time? We had a storm last night, do you think she got caught in it? Where do you think she’s from?” Alice asks, thinking at light speed.

Killian doesn’t know. All he knows is that the woman is still pale, she’s breathing, and she’d been shot and left for dead.

“We’ll have to wait and see Starfish.” He tells her. Right now all that can be done is wait and hope that he found her in enough time, that the warmth from the clean blankets and fire can help her system.

(And that whoever did this believes her to be dead)

“Papa, do you think she’s with the bad people?” Alice asks after a moment. “You said that we had to be careful, do you think she’s one of them? Are we going to have to leave?”

Killian doesn’t know, and he doesn’t have the heart to tell Alice that it was a possibility. All he knows is that saving this woman is the right thing to do, but that when she wakes up they would both have to be on their guard.

They don’t even know when this woman was going to wake up.

“We’ll just have to ask her when she wakes up.” He says to her. “But no matter what we’re going to be ok.” He assures. “Go get dressed, I’ll start this fire and perhaps we can have a tea party for breakfast?” He inquires. Killian knows she can’t resist a tea party.  

Alice lights up, all worry forgotten, she nods excitedly. “Can we have cookies? And little marmalade sandwiches?” She asks, practically jumping up and down. “We haven’t had them in a long time.”

Killian smirks.

“It’s not a tea party without little sandwiches.” He says, ruffling her blonde locks. Alice smiles brightly and then rushes to her room, promising to get dressed ‘superfast’.

Killian just smirks. He’s glad Alice is so excitable, he’s glad he can see her with so much hope and joy. It was the point of all of this, he reminds himself. He hasn’t seen Alice cry once since they left the city, since they escaped the circus of their lives to live in solitude.

He can’t let this woman ruin that. When he first saw her Killian thought there was something different about her, special even, but Killian also saw Eloise as special and look how all that turned out…

_Eloise gave him Alice._ Killian forces himself to remember.

No matter how special this woman may seem, he can’t lose this home he’s built for his daughter. He can’t lose his Starfish.

//

She doesn’t wake up during the tea party, not ever when “Hatter” and “Mr. Rabbit” start arguing over who got the last cookie.

She also doesn’t wake up when he reads to Alice her favorite book, Robin Hood for the dozenth time.

Killian checks on her occasionally. He can see the color returning to her face, but her skin is still cold.

She waits until Alice is seeing to her dozen pet bunnies in the garden to wake up.

And she doesn’t wake up quietly. She lets out a gasp and scrambles on the couch, as if she’s fighting the blankets he’d cocooned her in earlier. It completely takes Killian by surprise, making him jump in his seat at the kitchen table.

“Wher-where-“ The woman says in a series of gasp, finally getting free of the blankets she sits up. “Easy lass.” He says getting closer to her. She looks frazzled and frightened, eyes wondering everywhere, settling nowhere. It takes a second before they eventually land on him. “You’re safe.” He assures her, hand on her shoulder.

Killian assumes that she’d be frightened, that her last memories were the fear of death.

He wanted to assure her that she was safe here.

Green eyes blinked and met his. He saw them flash dangerously seconds before she strikes.

She punched him hard in the jaw. It sent him reeling off the couch, landing on knees clutching his jaw. The blow was far stronger than he thought she or anyone would be able to after half drowning.

_It bloody hell hurt._

He looked back at her and she didn’t just stop at punching him, somehow she’d rolled off the couch collapsing onto her knees as tremors shook her body. She suddenly clutches her leg and squeezes her eyes shut.

“There was no need to punch me.” He mutters under his breath.

Her teeth chattering are all he can hear as a response. She seems to focus suddenly with a sigh. It seems she’s realized that wherever she _thought_ she was she isn’t.

The realization, however, doesn’t seem to keep her from snapping back at him. “Yeah well I don’t usually react well to waking up on strangers’ couches without my clothes.” She says. “Hell this hurts.” She hisses, clutching her leg.

“Well I usually don’t find strangers half drowned and frozen on my beach. Typically saving their bloody life comes before their comfort.” He shoots back. They stare at each other for a moment with apprehension. She looks away first clutching her body as she shivers.

“Let’s get you back on the couch.” He insists, but doesn’t dare move closer. Killian was a quick learner.

“Not on your life.” She snaps back. Killian sighs. _The bloody stubborn woman._

“Papa!” Both their heads turn. Alice is standing by the couch. He hadn’t even heard her come in. “You’re bleeding.” She says in a whisper. He touches his jaw feeling the barest bit escaping his lip.

“There’s a kid here.” The woman says in a whisper, more to herself than to him. He simply nods.

“It’s alright sweetie.” He says getting to his feet. “I was just having a disagreement with our new friend here.” He insists, going to his daughter. “See? I’m fine.” She doesn’t look convinced. “Why don’t you go get us all tea? Tea always makes everything better right?” Alice nods slowly and does so, but she doesn’t look convinced.

He takes this opportunity to go talk to their new “friend”. “Let me get you back on the couch and warmed up, preferably without scaring my daughter.” He says impatiently.

The woman responds with a nod. Her skin is cold to the touch as he moves her, blonde hair going everywhere. She settles with her leg extended on the couch.

“I got the tea Papa.” Alice says coming into the room and carefully putting the tray on the table.

He turns to the woman, she’s staring at Alice. “Tea? We only have Earl Grey.” He announces. She snaps back to look at him. She nods. Killian finds her sudden silence unnerving.

But he goes about pouring her a mug and settling in her hands. She hums in gratitude. Killian imagines the warmth of the mug feeling good after being so cold for so long. “So what’s your story love?”

She glares at him; he can practically see her debating what to say, picking her words. It rubs him the wrong way. He wonders why he bothered to save this stranger; he should have just pretended not to see her.

“My name’s Alice.” His daughter announces approaching her, hand held out, completely oblivious to the tense situation. “Papa found you on the beach. I thought you were dead, but Papa started a fire and you don’t look dead anymore.” Alice looked her over skeptically.

He swore he heard the woman snicker. “I was in pretty bad shape wasn’t I?” She asked. Alice nodded. “My name’s Emma.” She shakes Alice’s hand.

_Emma._

“How’d you end up on the beach?” Alice asks. “And why did you punch my Papa, he was only trying to help.” Emma hesitates, looking back at him, and then back at Alice.

“I got lost. I tried to swim home but I got tired.” She lies badly. He knows she’s running from something, he can feel it. “I got scared when I woke up somewhere I didn’t know. I’m sorry for hurting your Dad.”

Alice places her hands on her hips. “Papa says you’re not supposed to swim by yourself or at night.” She lectures. “It only leads to big trouble.”

Emma nods, still looking at him. “I probably should have listened to that advice.” She mutters taking a sip of tea.

“What about-“ Alice starts, but then Killian shakes his head.

“I think that’s enough questions for now Starfish.” He interrupts, “Besides don’t you have a book to finish reading?” Alice’s eyes brighten up.

“I almost forgot!” She exclaims, hopping up and down. “It’s called _The Princess and the Pirate_ by Henry Mills, have you ever read it?” She asks. Emma shakes her head.

Knowing his daughter, Killian can tell this is the perfect excuse to go on and on about her favorite book to a new audience.

“Can I show Emma my book? The one from Uncle Liam?” She asks Killian, wide eyed. “Pretty please?” He sees Emma looking at him. She has a curious expression on her face. She’s watching to see what he’ll do.

“Not right now, she needs her rest after her long day.” He reminds her. “How about you go get a head start and I’ll be along in a minute? We also have a lot of school work to get through today” Alice nods.

“Have a good rest Emma.” Alice says and then she takes off upstairs to get her books.

Killian lets out a sigh of relief, glad she lets the matter drop.

“Cute kid.” Emma says after a moment, leaning back as well. “Lots of energy.”

He glances at her. “We don’t get a lot of company out here.” He says softly. “She likes taking in strays.” Emma rolls her eyes.

“I’ll say.” She says sarcastically.

“Let me get one thing clear here.” He says after a moment, his voice turning stern. “You did not get lost; someone shot you and wanted to kill you.” Emma doesn’t respond. “I don’t care who it was or why. All I care about is Alice. All I want is whatever trouble you’re in not to involve her.” He says sternly. “You can stay until you’re healed and after that-“

She cuts him off. “You don’t need to worry about me.” Emma snaps bitterly. “I’ll be out of here ASAP. Trust me; this is the last place I’d rather be.”

“Good.”


	2. Chapter 2

He doesn’t speak to Emma until the next morning.

He wasn’t avoiding her; not really, she mostly slept that next day, drinking mugs of tea, taking the max doses of the pain killers he kept, curled in a blanket by the fire. He really wasn’t avoiding her.

He rises just as earlier than the previous day, ready to have his time by the beach with his coffee. He expects Emma to still be asleep; Killian doesn’t plan on waking her. It’s easier to avoid questions and confrontation.

(He isn’t avoiding her)

As he leaves his room, Killian closes the door slowly and sees Emma struggling a ways away from the couch. She has her hands on the wall and her bad leg is bleeding through the bandage and her skin has a sheen of sweat across it.

“Bloody hell.” He curses. “What are you doing?” He demands.

“And a good morning to you.” Emma says stopping and looking over at him, obviously out of breath and in pain yet _still_ managing to be sarcastic. She looks rather annoyed at him. He goes to her side, beckoning her to let him help.

He _really_ doesn’t want to get punched again.

“You’re never going to get better if you don’t rest love.” He reminds her. He doesn’t think telling her this will help; she seems like a stubborn one.

“Bathroom.” She mutters, pointing to the open door. “There is no way I wasn’t going to make it there, bad leg or not.”

His cheeks flush with embarrassment. He should have thought of that and gotten up earlier, or offered her some help before bed or something.

“You are one tough lass aren’t you?” He asks with a smirk, getting her back to the couch. “I bet you are never one to ask for help.” He observes.

“I don’t like depending on people.” She admitted dryly. “You can’t always expect them to be there for you.” Killian nods in agreement. He knows that way of thinking, he shares it himself. Liam used to hate it.

“I assume your home life wasn’t easy.” He points out.

“You could say that.” She says casually, gasping in relief when she sits. Killian goes about trying to change the bandage on her leg. He can tell by her demeanor, the way her eyes drop, avoiding his gaze. It’s a familiar expression. She looks lonely. “Orphan I assume?”

Green eyes rise to meet his. They tell him he’s right. They also tell him he’s struck a nerve. “You have that look.” He says in explanation.

“So do you.” She says coldly, pulling her leg from his reach. “And stop whatever this is.” She demands.

“Stop what? I meant no disrespect love.” He says, trying to appease her, he’s said too much, pushed too hard. He never intended to make her uncomfortable. Emma’s eyes narrow dangerously, like a snake ready to strike.

“You’re trying to read me, bond with me.” She says, disregarding the apology. “Two can play the psychology game Jones. I can read you _just_ as easily as you _think_ you can read me. Waking up early aren’t you? The sun isn’t even up.” She notes, an attack at the ready, he can feel it.

“I like to get some things done before Alice wakes up.” He responds, trying to fend her off. Killian looks upstairs, hoping they’re not waking her up. “But you really need a new wrap on your leg or it’ll get infected.”

She shakes her head. “You’re _lying_.” Emma states. She lets him back within reach of her wound.

He rolls his eyes, glaring at the wound rather than look at her. He’s practically done. “Why would I lie?” He asks. “Especially about something as silly as my sleeping habits,” He says with a chuckle.

It’s silly really.

“I have this _thing_ about lies.” Emma says, pausing for him to look at her. He does, he can’t help it. “I can see them a mile away.” He swears he’s not even breathing. “I bet you go on a little patrol around this place in the morning, rather than sleeping, sometimes at night too. You’re making sure whatever you’re running from doesn’t sneak up on you.” He glances at her. “I bet you have nightmares about it finding you. It’s made you paranoid of everyone and everything.”

He pulls his hand away when he’s done. He gets up and turns sharply away from her. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.” He snaps. She doesn’t know him; she doesn’t get to know what he’s thinking or why he does what he does. It makes him _angry_ to think about.

She has no clue what he’s been through, what Alice-

He stops right there.

“Trust me when I say I know what it feels like to run.” She says after a moment, the fight in her voice fading. Her voice is small and gentle. She’s trying appease him. “The feeling of never being far enough, because when you turn around your problem is still _right there_ , waiting for you and you’re completely caught off guard.”

It does the opposite. It’s like he suddenly feels her, feels _her_ right there, outside the room, outside the door, her chilling voice in the back of his head telling him-

“And apparently you’re not very good at it.” He snaps angrily. “Otherwise you wouldn’t have ended up half dead on my beach.” He can see it’s taken her by surprise, but he doesn’t care.

He wants to get out; he wants to stop feeling her gaze on the back of his head, he wants _her_ voice out of his head for one bloody _second_.

“I’m taking a walk, stay on the couch and I mean it.” He insists, edging towards the door. He doesn’t care if she does as he asks; all he cares about is not being followed.

“Killian-“ Emma tries.

He doesn’t mean to slam the door.

He still feels Emma’s gaze, up until he leaves the lighthouse.

His mind is racing as his body works on autopilot. He’s storming through the undergrowth, taking his daily walk around the perimeter far quicker than usual. It’s supposed to relax him yet now he’s using it to blow off steam to try to wrangle in his thoughts.

 He can barely see the traps and tricks he laid out years ago, noise makers and trip wires, but he checks them just the same. Just like Emma predicted, just like she called him out as.

 _He wasn’t paranoid._ He insists to himself. The track he’s worn into the forest floor says otherwise. _He’s just careful; he’s just making sure they’re never found._ But he can feel his hands shake at the thought of being found.

Killian doesn’t calm like he usually does at the end of his walk. He doesn’t calm when he gets to the beach, staring at the horizon, watching the sun rise. He gazes at the water, expecting the waves to ease his troubled soul. It almost makes it worse. It feels like it’s a ticking clock, because how long can they go like this? Supplies were starting to run low, he hadn’t heard from Liam in months…

He’d found Emma there, it made him wonder what else lay on the other side of the horizon. It made him wonder if she was just a bad omen of things to come. Perhaps she was sent to find them, too hurt to check back in, she was lying about…well if Emma told him anything of actual substance he could think she was lying. But he knew nothing about Emma Swan, his attempt to gather some sense of her had ended…poorly.

Emma had hit the nail on the head with her words. It unnerves him more than he’d like to admit.

He remembers the last woman who claimed to know him on their first meeting. He remembers pretty young Eloise, talking about his paintings like she knew him, like she saw him. He remembers Eloise talking and talking about never being understood. She claimed he understood her like no one else did. He believed her.

How wrong he was.

Killian _has_ to stop thinking about her. He knows he’ll never be able to calm down if he does. He’ll be lost in the woods all day long if he keeps trying to look back at that time in his life. Killian needs to get a grip. He needs to focus on the only blonde who really matters. The one that would come up with a new game by the time he got back, a new adventure to go on, a new place to explore.

It helps steady his nerves a bit. Killian just hopes he can calm down before he gets back home, he’ll need his wits about him for another conversation with the mysterious Emma, and to protect Alice from her all seeing eyes.

When he returned home, Alice was surprisingly awake, sitting on the couch besides Emma, showing Emma her new book.

New being relative of course, it was several months old and Alice had already read it at least a hundred times. Nevertheless she seemed to have manipulated Emma into reading it to her.

(Alice was a true pirate when it came to stories.)

               Emma was sitting up against the couch, Alice, still in her pajams, practically squeezed in next to her. It was a peaceful scene. In the back of Killian’s mind he wondered if it was too peaceful, if he should be concerned with a stranger being so close to his daughter.

               (He wonders why his gut feeling is to trust her, why he feels that Emma wasn’t a threat to Alice)

“And he said ‘There’s only one rule,” Emma reads aloud, “Pick a partner who knows what he’s doing…” she says trailing off as she spots him enter. He tries his best to ignore her, the way her eyes go wide an unspoken apology hanging in the air.

(He fails)

“You’re up early Starfish.” He notes. Alice shrugs, climbing off of the couch.

“Couldn’t sleep, I had a dream that I couldn’t remember.” She tells him. “I also promised Emma she could look at my story book.” She says looking at the older blonde. “I just had to show her the amazingness of Princess Anna with Captain Hook.” Alice insists. “They’re True Love.” She says with certainty. Killian smiles at her, messing with his daughter’s hair much to Alice’s dismay.

“Papa.” She complains. “It’s true.” She insists.

“I know love, they’re your favorite.” He agrees.

“It’s a very interesting take on fairy tales.” Emma points out.

Alice rolls her eyes. “It’s so much better than regular fairy tales, Anna isn’t some damsel in distress, she’s on her own mission to save her son _and_ she doesn’t need a prince to save her, can save herself.” She points out proudly.  “We were just getting to the good part.” Alice informs him. “They were about to dance and then try to find Snow White and Prince Charming and…”He nods, knowing they could spend the entire day hearing Alice talk about this book.

“They can wait until breakfast.” He promises. Alice sighs in annoyance.

“But Papa-“ She starts.

“Alice.” He warns. It’s all it takes; normally he doesn’t even have to say it at all. Alice sighs dramatically, getting up and stomping upstairs to get changed.

“Killian.” Emma starts.

“I think I owe you another dose of the pain meds.” He says interrupting her.

“I’m fine, I just need to-“

“It’s not fine; I can get it for you from my room.” He assures her as he slowly making his way towards the door to his room.

“Killian.” He says more forcefully, half getting up from the couch.

“Swan.” He says back in the same stern voice he used moments ago with Alice. It stops her in her tracks. “I’m going to get your meds.” Killian says slowly.

She doesn’t say or do anything as he backs out of the room, into his own. He closes his door as quick as he can.

It’s not a lie that she does need another dose of pain meds, it’s also not a lie that they’re in his bedroom.

But he can admit that he ran in here with the intention of avoiding talking to Emma Swan. She has him bloody terrified.

//

Emma seems to have gotten the hint. She doesn’t say a single word towards him as he makes them some oatmeal. She seems to have picked up one of the novels he has lying around and seems perfectly content reading through it.

(But he can still tell she was watching him)

Alice returns downstairs dressed and with a pile of books in her arms. She has that look on her face, the look that says she has _plans_.

“What do you have there, Starfish?” He asks with a smirk. Alice looks right at him, small innocent smile on her face.

“Nothing Papa just thought Emma would get bored sitting on the couch all day.” She says rather innocently. “I thought she’d like something more fun.”

“Mhm.” He does not at all believe that innocent look on her face.

She wondered over to Emma, Emma closed her book and looked right at her. Killian watched Alice offer her pile of things to Emma. Emma shot a curious look in his direction, but proceeded to let Alice show her a number of books and drawings.

Killian had to admit, Emma was being a good sport. He could hear her ask questions and truly listen to his daughter. The only break Emma got was for breakfast.

After breakfast, Alice tried to go back to getting Emma to read more of her book, but Killian quickly reminded Alice of her daily chores. She didn’t argue with him.

“I’m sorry about this morning.” Emma says the moment Alice is out of earshot, while he’s cleaning up the dishes.  “I didn’t realize I would hit a nerve.”

_One nerve? Try a hundred._

“Now who’s the liar? I believe that was exactly what you were trying to accomplish.” He responds dryly. Killian’s not trying to pick a fight; he just wants to finish his own chores as quickly as possible.

“I didn’t realize how sensitive it was.” She amends.

“I wouldn’t just drag my daughter out to the middle of nowhere for no reason Emma.” He states. “So am I scared of the reason we came out here, yes I am.” He asserts. “You would be too if you knew.” He adds in a low voice. He didn’t mean to say that last part.

“Will you tell me?” Emma asks.

“Will you tell me who shot you?” Killian counters. Emma is silent. He takes a calming breath. “if it means anything, I didn’t mean to hit a nerve either, love.”

“Then what were you trying to do?” Emma asks. She doesn’t sound defensive persay, but when Killian looks at her, she looks guarded. He shrugs.

 “I was just trying to get to know the woman I saved from drowning on a beach with a gun shot in her leg.” He explains

“And why is that?” She asks. “Last night you made it clear to me all you see me as is a liability.” It makes him look up at her. He can see her over the counter from the kitchen, meet her eyes even. “You don’t get to know the liability.” She says. “And don’t try to lie to me.”

Killian looks at the dark wooded ceiling “I don’t exactly know.” He admits after a moment. “Perhaps it’s because I haven’t spoken to anyone over the age of six in a good while.” It’s true of course, perhaps not the whole truth, perhaps he just wants to understand why he feels completely at ease at her presence, why he doesn’t bristle at the thought of leaving Alice around her, why he doesn’t feel like she’s intruding on their lives, why Alice seems to like her out of instinct. “Perhaps I’m just as curious as Alice.” He says with a smirk.

“I’m not really someone you want to know, either of you.” Emma admits, breaking eye contact. He sees a look flash over her face. Fear, self-loathing, guilt. He knows that look all too well and he doesn’t like it on Emma, not one bit.

“Let me be the judge of that.” He states. “Alice likes you, and she’s a remarkably good judge of character for her age.”

Emma smiles; he likes that look on her far better.

Alice is in better spirits when she’s done with her chores, chores that mostly involve carrying for the small clan of rabbits she’s adopted and named. She comes in jumping up and down, intending on telling both of them all about what the bunnies are up to today.

It’s all about Mopsy and Peter and their adventures bothering Mr. Rabbit. He gives props to Emma as she takes it all with a grin and listens intently. Emma even asks the right questions at the right time. It makes Alice beam.

Killian expects her to go on and on about them with a new set of ears, or return to the topic of her books when something suddenly occurs to Alice, he can practically see the gears in her head turn.

 “Will you play chess with me?” She suddenly asks Emma.

It takes Emma obviously by surprise.

“I would, but I don’t really know how…I’ve always been more of a checkers kind of girl” She says trailing off. Emma’s obviously looking for an escape. “I don’t think playing me would be as fun as playing your dad. I bet he’s quite the challenge.” Emma looks to him a little clueless as to what to do.

Unfortunately stories weren’t the only thing Alice was a little pirate about.

Alice brightens. “Don’t worry, I can show you.” She insists. “Papa showed me, and don’t worry, I’m not _that_ good.”  She assures Emma, “I barely know what all the pieces do.” running upstairs where the old chess set was stashed.

“Really? Chess?” Emma asks. “Isn’t she a little young?” Emma asks. Killian shrugs.

“She liked the look of the pieces and she was a quick study.” He says. Plus, there’s not a lot to do on rainy days. It was either teach her chess or sing _Rain, Rain, Go Away_ until they were blue in the face.

“I don’t mean for chess, I mean to try to hustle me.” She says, staring at him with a knowing look.

“So you caught that did you?” He asks, he can’t help but grin. “I told her to only do that to Liam, her uncle.” He explains to Emma. “Liam always falls for it.”

“I’m back.” Alice says, placing their travel board on the table, pushing it near Emma. “Can I show you what all the pieces do?” She asks.

“I’d like that.” Emma agrees. “What does the castle do?” She asks, pointing at the black rook piece.

“It’s a _rook.”_ Alice insists as if it was obvious. “Strong and steady, biding its time to take on the world,” She recites demonstrating its movements on the board for Emma. Then she turns to the white knight. “The knight is loyal and brave, valiantly able to get right past the opponents defenses, it’s tricky like that.” She continues, also demonstrating its movements as well.

Alice loves the stories he’d tell about the pieces. Sometimes their games would develop their own stories and characters from Alice’s imagination. It was also typical Alice to start with her favorite pieces; the ones she thinks are most like the two of them. On opposite sides because they were different from each other, but both part of the same game, part of the same family.

Emma seemed to pick up on her attachment to those pieces. “Who can I be?” She asks glancing up at him.

Alice seems to think about it long and hard. She picks up the black pawn. “Even the littlest of pieces are special. Even the supposedly weakest piece can be helpful to bring down the king, and they can even become a Queen if they are patient, if they believe.” She assures her.

Emma’s expression is unreadable.

The day fell to night quicker than Killian expected, between a few slow paced games of chess, Killian getting his daughter to sit still long enough to practice math, making lunch, giving Emma her pain meds, changing her bandages, taking Alice out swimming, getting her back before nightfall.

With such a busy day, Killian isn’t surprised when he’s able to get Alice to bed with relative ease. All it took was to promise Emma would still be there in the morning to read the next part of the book with her.

Killian is coming down the steps, back to the living room when he hears Emma’s voice break through his thoughts.

“What happened to Alice’s mother?” Emma asks in a quiet and gentle voice. It stops him in his tracks, makes his heart drop to his stomach. “Sorry.” Emma says cringing at him. “I really don’t want to hit another nerve, but I’m curious.” She admits. “Alice is so…and you don’t have the look of a widowed father.”

He can’t even begin to figure out where to begin with that story, even if he wanted to. “She…” He trails off. He’s trying, but the words don’t come.

“Sorry, look forget it.” Emma says quickly, waving her hands around. “I can tell I overstepped. I’m sorry, forget I even asked.”

She did, but Killian also wanted to give Emma something, just enough. He doesn’t want to lie to her, but the truth…it was too much as well.

“I would never call the woman who gave birth to Alice a mother.” He eventually says as emotionlessly as possible. “She didn’t stick around long enough to even give her a name.” Emma’s eyes widened.

“I’m so sorry.” Emma says. “That must have been rough, raising a child all alone.”

Killian nods. “It was challenging.” He agrees. “But Alice was the best thing to ever happen to me, she saved me, loving her was the best thing I’ve ever done.”

Emma smiles at him. “You’ve done well, it’s her loss.” Emma agrees.

  Killian smiles, despite the mound of guilt settling in his chest, he _was_ telling Emma the truth, just not the _whole_ truth.

He didn’t tell her of what happened when Eloise came back.


	3. Chapter 3

_“Papa! Papa!” Alice calls, running around the field, a collection of flowers in her hands, all various shades of pink. “Look what I found.” She says, holding up her collection. “Do you think this is enough?” She asks; her anticipation is flowing out of her in waves; she’s bouncing on her feet, twirling a finger through her hair. She looks so much like her namesake when she does so._

_(His memories of the original Alice Jones, his mother are few, but they were always happy. They were of her so happy and excited to see him and his brother when they come home, she would even do that same twirling of her hair as his daughter.)_

_Killian chuckles as he beckons her over. He was sitting, feeling calmer then he’d felt in years. They were sitting on a blanket, having a picnic in a meadow filled to the brim with wild flowers of various size and color. The sun was bright and shining, not a cloud in the sky. Alice was in paradise, he was in paradise._

_She places her gathering of flowers at his side. “We’ll have to see to find out.” He says. He can’t help staring at her, his Starfish. He moves a few flowers, finding the ones with the longest stems and begins weaving them together. He can see Alice’s eyes track his fingers. “Would you like to learn Starfish?” He asks._

_She beams, sitting down beside him, he can see bits of grass stains on her new blue dress, but Killian can’t find it in him to care. “You take it like this, hold it together tightly.” He instructs, “Then you weave it through and then get the next one.” It doesn’t take long to weave the flowers together with Alice’s help._

_“There you go Princess.” He says, as he places the newly made crown of flowers on her head. “Perfect fit.” She smiled brightly, jumping up and down. She looked so happy. He wants this day, this moment to never end._

_But not even in dreams can that happen._

_“A happy little family indeed,” Says a voice. His blood turns to ice when he hears it, just as taunting as ever._

_Quickly, he gets to his feet, putting himself in between her and Alice. She looks the same as the last time he’d seen her, same icy smile, same black cloak flowing around her. She looks like a phantom interrupting this perfectly sunny day._

_Except it’s not. Not anymore. Darkness seemed to have fallen over them in that instant. He feels nothing but dread. He wants to pick up his daughter and run, run as far away from her as possible._

_But Killian’s feet are rooted to the earth. He’s trapped._

_“What do you want from us?” He demands over a wind he hadn’t even realized had started whipping up around them. “Why can’t you bloody leave us alone?” He spits._

_“Leave who alone?” She asks, strolling up to him, she places her hand on his arm like she did a thousand times before_. “ _It seems to me it’s just the two of us.”_

_Killian pulls away from her and around._

_Alice is nowhere to be found. All that’s left is the pink flower crown standing out against a now dead meadow._

_//_

He wakes with a gasp. He feels his heart racing, and his hands shake. He runs his shaking hands through his hair out of stress and fear. He’s trying to stop the trembles making their way through his body, trying to steady his breathing.

_It was just a dream._ He tries to tell himself. He hadn’t had this nightmare in a while, so this one completely took him by surprise. He can still feel the weight of her hand on his arm; it makes him feel like taking a healthy drink of rum right about now.

Killian knows better than that, he knows the only thing that will truly help his panic.

Slowly he rises to his feet, he’s thankful to the pair of sweats he’s wearing as he doesn’t think his shaking limbs could pull on a pair right now. As quietly as he can he creeps out the door, trying not to make a sound, nor step on the loose floor boards. It’s hard since it’s still pitch black outside, but he knows this place well enough.

               “Hey.” Hisses a voice. “Don’t you dare take another step or I’ll blow you head off.” Killian stops in his tracks. _An intruder with a gun?_ He thinks. Killian has his own firearm stocked in his room, but there’s no bloody way he can get it here.

He hears the sound of rummaging and then he sees a candle burst to life, slightly illuminating the room.

“Oh hell.” The voice says in obvious relief. He turns around and sees Emma half standing, half leaning against the couch. “You nearly gave me a heart attack!” she whispers. Panic was written all over her face.

“ _Me?_ ” He whispers right back, “ _You_ threatened to blow _my_ head off!” He’s trying to be quiet because of his sleeping daughter, but from his dream to this, he can’t seem to relax in his own bloody home.

“Well I didn’t know it was you, what are you doing creeping around in the middle of the night?!”

He swallows thickly, wishing to avoid lying to her, but telling her he had a nightmare and wanted to see his daughter to make sure she was still there wasn’t a pleasing option either.

It sounded pathetic.

However, he didn’t need to say anything, a flash of understanding crosses her face and she plops back onto the couch, candle placed on the table. Killian sighs, before making his way up towards Alice’s room.

Killian can see her illuminated by the window and the light from the moon. She’s sleeping peacefully, clutching her plush rabbit tightly in her arms. Seeing her so peaceful in sleep brings a smile to his face.

_It was just a dream._ He repeats to himself. _Just a bloody nightmare._ This time he believes it.

He feels calm and centered when he returns downstairs. There are a few more candles lit, and Emma is waiting for him when he returns.

               “Are you ok?” She asks in a quiet voice. He nods, putting a smile on his face. Killian doesn’t believe he’ll get back to sleep, so he decides to make himself a mug of coffee. Caffeine isn’t usually something that calms the nerves, but he needs something and rum is certainly off the table.

“You’re not ok.” Emma concludes, standing again, she hisses slightly as she makes her way to the kitchen table, much closer to where he is.

“You should rest.” He says, avoiding her question, avoiding her. He doesn’t have it in him right now. He wants to insist that she go back to sleep; rest her leg, that he’s _fine._

But deep down, he doesn’t want her to; he doesn’t want to be left alone with his thoughts, with his fears, with the knowledge that his nightmare could be turned into a reality. It’s why he ran away after all, so no one can take Alice away.

“Killian.” Emma says forcefully, his head snaps up, meeting her eyes. She beckons him over, and as if a trance he complies. Once she’s close enough she takes his hands in hers. He’d started to tremble again.

Her hands are soft and delicate, a little cold but comfortable.

“I’m sorry I-“ He says, an excuse ready, but she shushes him.

“It’s ok.” She assures him. “Just relax,” Her voice is gentle and soothing. Her hands are rubbing soothing patterns into his palms. “It was just a dream.” She assures him. “Do you want to go back to the couch or stay here?” She asks.

“Here is fine.” He replies. He doesn’t want to risk going to the couch and possibly falling asleep again. “Tell me something.” He asks in a quiet voice. “Anything, I need….” He trails off. He doesn’t know what he needs, what he wants to know.

“I get nightmares too.” She says quietly. “I’ve always been on my own, ever since I was born. So I’ve learned to deal with them on my own.”

He opens his eyes, staring right at her, he sees something there he saw earlier. Killian sinks into the seat in front of her, realizing something.

“You were already awake when I came in.” He says. “You had a nightmare too.”

She doesn’t say anything, so he knows he’s right. He also knows something else.

“You thought I was whoever gave you that.” Killian says pointing at her injury. Again, Emma doesn’t answer, but the circles she runs into his palms stop suddenly. “No one is going to find you here Emma.” He tries to assure. “You’re safe here.”

Emma looks at him questioningly. “I found you.” She reminds him, it sounds like a challenge. A smirk blooms on his face.

“I don’t call dying on my beach ‘finding me’.” He states with a challenge. “As far as anyone knows, this entire area is deserted and abandoned decades ago.” He assures her. “You’re safe here. I know I wasn’t exactly welcoming at first, but you can stay here as long as you need Emma” He means it, Killian has no intention of sending Emma out to be found by whatever force is looking for her.

(He ignores the pit in his stomach that forms with the thought of Emma leaving.)

Emma’s eyes dip. “I’m not scared of them finding me.” She insists coldly, pulling her hands away. Killian thinks perhaps he’s insulted her.

“They tried to kill you.” Killian reasons, “I’d say that’s a perfectly valid reason to be a little edgy.” Killian points out, gazing at her injury then back at her face.

“I’m not scared of that Killian.” She says firmer. “Whatever happens happens.” He leans back in disbelief.

“Whatever happens, happens?” He repeats. He thought _he_ had awful self-preservation but this… “That’s a bloody awful way to life your life. They hurt you Emma.”

“What if I deserved it?” Emma asks coldly. It catches him off guard. “What if you’re protecting someone who deserved what she got? I’m not some damsel Jones.”

He scoffs at the idea, but can see that she believes it. Emma was refusing to look at him directly “I know your no damsel Swan, and I don’t have you’re super power to tell a lie, but I know you don’t deserve to die.”

She looks at him; Killian can see the reflection of the candle light in her eyes. It makes her eyes almost glow. “How would you know that?” She asks. “You don’t know me.”

Killian smirks. “Well love, I think you’ve become something of an open book to me.” He claims. She smirked slightly. “You don’t like to open up to reveal yourself; you don’t trust anyone to keep your secrets.” He understands that, he understands believing the worse in everyone, because then you’ll never be disappointed. “You did something against your own self-made code, something to survive and you regret it deeply.” He claims. He can see it plain as day written on her face.

“You must be used to people not trusting you.” Emma bits back. Her walls rise up, a flashing sign that he has her pegged, “Considering you’re a hermit hiding in the woods like a coward.” She adds. Killian shrugs, leaning back in his chair.

 “Try something new Emma, its called trust.” He says. “Tell me Emma, have you ever been in love?” Emma’s expression hardens instantly.

“No I’ve never been in love.” She says sternly, but he notices a look flash across her face.

He can tell he was nearing the line with her. He knows he needs to finish this…whatever this is soon.

“Then let me explain the lengths I would do to protect those I love.” He says back, standing up. “Coffee’s ready, would you like a mug?” He asks, moving from his seat, hands still, mind and body finally at ease. She nods silently. “Milk? Sugar?” Another nod, he puts both in front of her.

“You’re not alone here Emma.” He says in the same quiet voice, mixing a spoonful of sugar in his own cup. “You can trust me.” He assures her. He doesn’t think she’s going to respond and then, after a beat, so quiet that he thinks he might have imagined it.

“I know.”

//

It takes two cups of coffee for dawn to finally break.

He’d waited for it, in a comfortable silence. Emma had tried to stay up with him, but she couldn’t. She’d found her way back to the couch a few hours before dawn.

He tried not to watch her sleep, he really tried, he tried not to see how she tossed and turned for a bit before settling in a curved awkward position that he swore should give her back pain. He tried not to notice how calm she seemed, like her guard had fallen and her worries fled.

He tries not to think about it as he goes on his morning walk, tries not to wonder why he got the impression that Emma had lied to him.

_No I’ve never been in love._

It was a stupid thing to wonder about, it was a stupid thing to ask if he was being honest. He knew better than most the pain of heart break. If she’d asked him that question, Killian would be tempted to lie himself.

Perhaps she didn’t lie. Perhaps Killian was just overthinking that look in her eyes. It was defensive. Emma Swan was usually defensive, but it was harsher.

All Killian knew was that the reason Emma Swan was so guarded lied behind that look on his face, it was the only possibility.

Alice isn’t awake when he returns, but Emma is, her eyes are open and she’s sitting up, but she doesn’t say anything so he doesn’t either. Killian goes upstairs to get Alice up.

“Morning Papa.” She says in a sleepy voice as he reaches her room. Killian chuckles when he sees her laying in the opposite direction than usual, her toes peeking out near the head board and her blonde hair draping down as her heads hangs a bit off the bed.

“Morning Alice.” He states, ignoring the change in position. “Sleep well?”

She smirks, snuggling deeper into the blanket. “Yup.” She says, wiggling her toes at him.

“You know there’s something a little different about you.” He ponders, looking right at her feet as if they were her face.

Alice giggles loudly at him.

“Maybe you’re a little taller now than when you went to bed.” He starts, “Or maybe a little shorter.”

More giggles.

“Or maybe just a little upside down?” He declares.

He reaches down and scoops his baby girl up into the air. She shrieks and laughs. It’s music to his ears. After a moment of twirling, he sets her gently on her bed.

“Alright Starfish, what’s with the new sleeping arrangement?” He asks as he wonders over to her closet to find something for her to wear. He makes a mental note of the size of the dirty clothes. They would have to do some laundry pretty soon.

“I needed a new perspective.” She says matter-of-factly. Alice looks around, as if checking if anyone is listening “I heard the Stars again.” She admits in a whisper. It causes him to pause slightly, nearly dropping the shirt he was holding, but he recovers quickly.

“Oh?” He asks. “And what do they say?” Killian asks.

“Something’s coming Papa.” She says. “I don’t know if it’s good or bad.” Killian nods, showing Alice the shirt. She rolls her eyes in exasperation. “Papa, you know I hate that shirt.” He nods knowingly. She’d loved it last week.

“Of course, now why don’t you ask them?” He says. “So we can prepare ourselves.” He adds.

Another eye roll, “You _know_ it doesn’t work like that.” She insists. “They tell me what they want me to know and _hate_ silly questions.” He shows her a new shirt, dark purple with a cute graphic about imagination on it. Alice’s eyes light up. He finds some denim shorts to go with it and hands them to her.

“Get dressed, and don’t forget to brush your teeth, we can talk about the Stars after breakfast alright?” He asks. Alice nods.

“You seem different Papa.” She says suddenly, halfway down the steps. He stays up top trying to get a bit of Alice’s mess tidied.

“Oh? Nothing’s changed Alice.” He responds evenly.

“You’re lighter.” Alice states as fact. “Is this how you were with Milah?” She asks. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this.”

He jolts in response, completely caught off guard. He can’t seem to formulate a response. He knows she knows about Milah, but she has never mentioned her before. And he didn’t understand what she meant about this whole ‘lighter’ thing.

“You don’t have to answers that.” Alice calls, running down the rest of the stairs towards the small bathroom. He’s glad, because he had no bloody clue what to tell her.

//

“Who’s Milah?” Emma asks after Alice goes to take care of her morning chores. Killian is more prepared this time than this morning. Killian had had a sneaking suspicion the question was coming. He’s sure Emma had seen his tattoo and had heard Alice’s comment this morning.

               Killian looks her over, Emma’s sitting at the table, looking guarded again, sipping her cup of tea cautiously.  He doesn’t know how to respond, so he sips some of his own glass of water to bid his time.

(He didn’t need any more coffee.)

“Someone from long ago.” He manages to come up with. Killian kicks himself with how silly that sounds. It feels like a disgraceful way to explain her.

“You loved her.” Emma says.

“I did.” He confirms.

_He more than loved her, he wanted to spend his life with her, would have devoted his entire life to making her happy, to keep a smile on her face._ “I loved her a great deal.” He says instead.

“Where is she?” Emma asks. He narrows his gaze because she _knows_ where Milah is. He doesn’t know what type of game she’s playing, getting him to talk about it. He wonders if he’d imagined the conversations they’d had lately, if they were just back to picking at each other’s scabs to see who bled first. He should have expected this after how last night ended, but he thought it was different, he thought…he never really knows what to think with Emma.

“She’s gone.” He says darkly. “As you already could tell.” He says sharply.

“I’m sorry.” Emma says softly, gently even but Killian’s gaze doesn’t melt. “I didn’t mean to bring up old wounds.”

He chuckles at that. She knew _exactly_ what she was doing. “She died in a car accident. I always believed her ex-husband did it but I could never prove it.” He says casually. “Is that what you wanted to hear Emma?”

Her eyes widen in surprise. “No I-“

He doesn’t let her finish. “Do you want to hear how I fell so far from who I was with her that I took up with Alice’s mother, a woman so unlike my Milah that it probably had her rolling over in her grave?” He snaps.

“I’m sorry.” She says again. “I meant- but I didn’t mean…” She trails off.

“You didn’t realize that the hermit in the woods had very active demons.” He finishes for her. “For someone who has never been in love, you seem to understand it quite well.” He mutters his eyes gaze at his cup, then his hand, anywhere but at Emma.

“Killian.” She says. He looks at her. Her walls fall apart before him, he can see in through the cracks. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-maybe I was in love once.” She admits. “Maybe it ended badly, so badly that it left me…”

_Broken._

His anger melts with that look on her face. He doesn’t like, he didn’t like it the first time he’d seen the self-deprecation shadow her features, and he sure as hell doesn’t like it now. He had no intention of putting it there.

“I don’t believe that Emma Swan.” He claims, standing up and rounding the table towards her. “I don’t believe for one moment that any one man could break someone like you.”

She blinks, looking up at him. “Someone like me?” She asks. He helps her up, her hand in his, her body slowly leaning against his.

“Someone like you.” He repeats again. His eyes trail down to her lips. She smells like the cinnamon in her tea. Suddenly he _wants._ “Someone so bloody brilliant.” He says in a soft voice.

“Killian…” Emma says trailing off. She leans in ever so slightly.

_He wants to kiss her_.

“Papa! I’m done!” Alice calls bursting in the door. They scramble back and away from each other, Emma plops back into her chair and Killian recoils back sharply, knocking over Emma’s mug in his wake.

_Bloody hell. He almost kissed Emma Swan._


	4. Chapter 4

“Your leg looks better.” He says casually, her leg across his lap, bandage removed. The wound is still red and messy, but he can see clear sign of healing.

 “No infection, which is a miracle.” He continues. It really is lucky since he wasn’t exactly supplied with antibiotics in his first aid kit. Emma shrugs, arms crossed and turned slightly away from him.

“Must be the salt water.” She reasons. From what Killian can tell, it’ll definitely need more time before she can put much weight on it without pain, but it definitely looks better than he expected, it had only been about two days since Emma had gotten the injury.  She pulls her leg away, grabbing the bandages off the table and making a clear indication that she does not require his help with the next part.

“Must be.” He agrees. He’s trying to catch a glance from her, a look, anything. He wants anything to indicate to him what the hell last night meant. It’s not unusual for him to be confused by Emma Swan, but for once he wants to figure out exactly what this is between them. Killian wants to understand exactly what’s been drawing him towards her so strongly.

(He wants to know if she feels it to.)

However, this time it appears that she is the one trying to avoid him, or at least as well as one can being forced to share a home as small as his.

It makes him wonder if he read the situation earlier all wrong. Perhaps he made her uncomfortable, thinking she wanted something when that wasn’t her intention. He hopes he didn’t ruin everything.

He gets up from his seat on the couch rather quickly. If she hadn’t wanted their almost kiss to occur, then Killian thinks it’s best to just get out of her space as quickly as possible.

_But he also can’t help but remember the way she said his name, the way she’d moved closer too._

He imagined it; only possible explanation.

“Water’s ready.” Alice calls out. Killian almost forgot about dinner. He’d set the water to boil hoping to make something quick and easy with the second to last jar of sauce he had. He uses the task to settle his confusion, to focus his unsettled mind. Killian feels like a bloody teenager again, trying to figure out if the girl likes him.

_Liam would be teasing him relentlessly if he was here. He’d be saying his typical, “A man who doesn’t fight for what he wants, deserves what he gets” nonsense._

“Papa, water’s overflowing.” Alice says calmly, watching as Killian stares off into space once more. She’s right of course; the bubbling water starts to overflow out of the top of the pot. He removes the top, letting the steam release.

He’s going to burn the bloody lighthouse down if he doesn’t get Emma Swan out of his bloody head.

“Need some help?” Emma asks.

“No.” He says quickly. “Just- stay off that leg, dinner will be ready shortly.” He doesn’t need more distractions right about now.

“Are you ok Papa?” Alice asks just as he finishes; bowls of pasta are placed at the table “You seem distracted.”

He smiles at his insightful daughter, ruffling her blonde curls.

“Just thinking Alice.” He assures her. “I’m going to go help Emma and then we can eat.”

Alice looks unconvinced.

“I’m fine.” Emma says when he does go to help her. She half limps half jumps towards the kitchen table. He lets her, just remaining at her side in case she does need assistance. “I don’t need help.” She nearly snaps, finally arriving at her destination.

He sighs in irritation. He really messed something up.

“Are you two fighting again?” Alice asks.

Both their heads snap towards her. Emma shakes her head as he answers. “No Al, it’s nothing” He says. “Let’s just eat dinner already.”

Alice rolls her eyes, huffing as she sits. “You can tell me Papa, I’m not a child.”

He snickers, nearly seven years old and already grown up. Killian can’t imagine what he will do when she reaches her teenage years.

_He won’t have to worry about her running off with some boy if they’re still here hiding in the woods…_

               “You’re always going to be my little Starfish Alice.” He assures her. She huffs again, turning away from him, eating her food in silence.

_Now Alice is ignoring him. He’s doing absolutely splendid in the female department today._

//

               The dishes are put away in record time, and in complete silence.

               It’s unnerving if he was being honest, his little chatter bug usually can’t do the silent treatment for more than a couple of minutes. But that’s usually when it’s just him.

               Today she has Emma to talk to and the return of the Stars. What does she need her mean Papa for then? Right now she was getting a new game from her closet for her and Emma to play until bedtime.

               Killian knows he’s being silly, but parenting is _hard_.

It was moments like these that Killian wished Eloise wasn’t a total monster. He’d like to ask someone else what they thought about things right about now. He’d like a co-parent to do this with, a woman to teach Alice how to grow up a confident independent woman, understand her in all the ways he can’t. Killian tries his best, tries to make her happy and self-reliant, let her do things for herself, but always trying to be there for her no matter what.

He’s probably doing it all wrong.

“Are you ok?” Emma asks, breaking him through his thoughts. “You’ve been scrubbing that bowl so hard I think you’re going to break it.” She explains. Killian looks down at the item; he’d completely forgotten it was even there.

“I thought you were ignoring me.” He mutters under his breath, he tries not to sound bitter but he fails miserably. He rinses the bowl. He’s honestly surprised that Emma broke before Alice.

“I thought I’d give you a break,” She says casually. “Since you’re thinking so loudly, come on tell me what’s up.”

He dries the bowl. “It’s nothing, I’m fine.” He replies automatically. Emma raises a brow, reading him instantly. “I don’t want to get into it right now, maybe after you finish playing chutes and ladders with Alice.” He says. “I’ll try to think quieter thoughts.”

He really just hopes she’ll forget about it.

Killian glances upstairs, and doesn’t see Alice peeking back, nor hear her feet pounding against the floorboards. He knows Alice is ignoring him, but his daughter is quiet, too quiet. It concerns him.

“Killian…” Emma says trailing off.

“Hold on, I should check on her.” He says, moving towards the stairs.

“Killian, I’m really just trying to help.” He shakes his head. He’s not avoiding the conversation, not this time. He’s getting a bad feeling in his gut and it’s only growing by the second. He can usually see a bit of her room from this position. He doesn’t see his daughter.

“Alice!” He calls. Nothing, not a peep, not a single sound indicating she heard him. And he knew for a fact she could hear him. He slowly goes up the stairs. “Alice?” He asks again.

_Bloody hell._ He curses. The room is empty, and the window is open. “Bloody hell.” He says out loud this time, he doesn’t believe it. He looks in her closet, under her bed, through her pile of laundry, anywhere she would hide just to get a rise out of him.

But she doesn’t do things like that, do things to get a rise out of him, sure they disagree, but Alice knows better.

 “This isn’t funny Alice.” He says sternly worry leaking into his voice.

_She’s gone._

“Bloody hell.” He says again, wasting no time, running down the stairs and towards the door. Only one thought filling his head.

_Find Alice._

“Killian what happened?” Emma calls, stopping him momentarily before he leaves the lighthouse.

He hesitates only briefly. Killian needs to leave, he needs to find her before the panic sets in, before his mind starts to conjure horrible scenarios for how this ends.

“Alice is gone, I think she snuck out.” He explains in a rush. “I need to go find her, it’s going to be dark soon and I need to go find her.” He hears Emma gasp in surprise.

“What can I do?” She asks, determination in her eyes. “I’d offer to go look but…” She gestures to her leg. He nods in understanding. He suddenly gets an idea.

               He goes to his room, rummaging through one of the boxes where he keeps emergency supplies. It takes barely a minute for him to find what he’s looking for. He tosses one at Emma once he returns to the living room.

“A walkie talkie?” She says looking at the device in her hand.

“For emergencies.” He replies. “If she gets back while I’m out looking just call me back.” He explains. “Tell her everything is alright, that I’m not mad, that…” He trails off. He doesn’t know and suddenly feels the panic welling up in his gut.

But Emma seems to get the idea, she smiles kindly at him, her gaze steadying him “It’s going to be ok Killian, you’ll find her or she’ll find you.” Emma says. It fills him with a sense of warmth and belief in her words. “That’s what family does.”

Without another word he ventures out into the forest, listing off Alice’s favorite places in his head.

//

She’s not at the beach, or her bunny shed, or at either of the places they occasionally run into wild deer or that field that once had fireflies. The traps are all undisturbed, which means she either avoided them or didn’t pass the parameter he’d set.

(He can see the sky getting steadily darker)

Killian checks the cliffs he’d made Alice swear never to go near, and the area of that really tall oak that Alice always wants to climb, but Killian always says is too dangerous. Eventually he runs out of places, so he starts rechecking them, looking for any clue, any sign that Alice had been there.

There had been no word from Emma.

(The sun is setting and all he can think about are the animals that come out at night, the dangerous ones, the vicious ones he’s only seen on documentaries.)

Alice had been missing for hours now, and he had no bloody idea where she is.

He started to swear and pray to whoever was out there that he’d do anything if he got his daughter back if she was safe and returned to him unharmed. She was only 6 years old, turning seven soon. She shouldn’t be alone in the woods so long, anything could happen.

(Could this have all been avoided if he’d stayed in Seattle? If he’d dealt with all of this the proper way? Sure it would have taken longer, but then she wouldn’t be lost in the woods right now…)

Killian didn’t know what he would do if anything happened to her. She was his entire world.

And then, like a gift from God himself, the walkie-talkie buzzed to life.

“ _Killian? Are you there?”_

He fumbled for it, nearly dropping the device before gripping it tightly.

“I’m here.” He replies. _Please. Please. Please._

“ _I have someone here who wants to talk to you.”_ She says softly. He damn near cries out in relief. He tries to keep his voice level as he responds into the walkie, already turning around on his way home.

“Alice?” He says. “Is that you love?” He walks as fast as he can, clutching the little device to his chest.

“ _I’m sorry Papa_.” Alice replies, her voice shaking, he can tell she’s near tears if not already crying. “ _Please come home. Please Papa. Please.”_

He breaks into a run.

“It’s alright Starfish. I’m on my way.” He says breathlessly. “It’s going to be alright.” He can hear his daughter whimper, and the distinct sound of Emma cooing softly to her, sweet words of reassurance.

“ _See? I told you he’s not mad_.” He hears Emma say.  “ _We’ll be here when you get here Killian._ ”

//

He barely remembers the rest of the run home; all he remembers is practically slamming open the door, seeing his daughter curled up in a blanket with Emma.

“Alice.” He breathes, out of breath. She picks up her head and looks at him. Her eyes are tear stained, but the second she meets his eyes, she breaks down into tears once more.

“ _Papa_.” She says in a watery sob. He’s by her side in minutes, rocking her back and forth as his daughter cries. “ _I’m sorry_.” She keeps saying at various intervals. He shushes her, soothing her as best he can. He doesn’t understand why she ran off, why she was like this now.

But he just patiently held her waiting for her to calm. She does eventually, calmly settling against him.

“Are you ok Alice? Are you hurt?” He asks. He doesn’t notice any visible markings, but he keeps looking anyway. Alice shakes her head. “What happened Al? You know you can’t run off like that.” He responds, gently he doesn’t want to make her cry again, but she needs to know what she did was wrong.

“I didn’t mean to honest, but I-the Stars and…” she trails off, voice quieting to a whisper. “I think I’m having one of my bad days Papa.” She tells him.

He nods. “I know sweetie. It’ll be alright.” He tells her. “You’re home and safe and that’s all that matters.”

Alice nods into his chest. “Do you think we can play a little chess?” She asks in a small voice. “It helps sometimes.” He knows, he remembers.

“So I boiled some water…” Emma says. It surprises him, he hugs Alice close as he turns around to see her sitting in a chair, the kettle on the stove near boiling. “But I have no idea where you keep mugs, let alone teabags…” He smiles gratefully at her. Killian knows tea and chess, two of her favorite things will definitely calm Alice down.

“Thanks Swan.” He says. “How about it Alice? Would you like some tea?” He asks. Alice doesn’t jump at the opportunity like she usually does, but Killian does see her blue eyes sparkle.

They spend the rest of evening each with a cup of tea and trading off between chess and checkers (for Emma’s sake) he even brought out a few marmalade sandwiches.

//

Killian tucks her in a little earlier than usual, but she’s already exhausted so he decides she needs her rest. He reads to her two stories instead of one and decides to stay right there with her until she falls asleep.

He stays a little bit after just to be sure, just until he hears her deep snores she always makes, watches as she twists and turns and eventually spread her limbs out to the point of covering the entire bed.

When he knows he can put off leaving her side no further he retreats downstairs with a silent promise to check up on her once more before he goes to bed.

(The panic he felt over not knowing where his daughter was had yet to subside, first his nightmare and then this, Killian doesn’t think he’s ever going to sleep again.)

But Emma’s downstairs, a calm sense of warmth on her face, she looks relieved and comfortable. He wishes he could feel as relaxed as she looks.

“Did she go to sleep alright?” Emma asks. Killian nods.

“I could barely tear myself away from her side.” He admitted. “I can’t believe she disappeared like that. I’ve never been so terrified in my life.”

(He has been, but the situation had been all too similar)

Emma nods in agreement. “Are you going to punish her?” She asks.

Killian had thought about it, and decided against it. “She seemed to have punished herself enough over it.” He recalls. “I don’t see a need to add to it.” Another nod from Emma.

“You know she’s just pushing your limits.” Emma says, she panics slightly and then rephrases. “I mean that’s what I used to do.” He raises a brow.

“You ran away at 6 years old?” He asks.

Emma shrugs. “From foster homes.” She clarifies. “I never had anyone out looking for me.” She says casually. “She’s lucky to have you.” He doesn’t really believe that. He knows that she’d be better off with someone better than him, a set of two parents without his baggage and issues. Better parents wouldn’t have her living isolated from the world in a lighthouse.

But this was the hand they’d been dealt.

“I honestly have no idea what I’m doing.” He admits. “I didn’t have the best parents growing up.” Killian sees Emma’s eyes watching him, expression unreadable. She lets him continue, so he does.

“Our mother died when I was little, our father was a drunk after that, disappear most days, forget about us entirely when he wasn’t yelling and blaming us for her death.” Emma nods in understanding.

“My brother practically raised me, he was the only role model I ever had and even then…” He trails off. “I never felt good enough, I always fell just short of him; I was second best to my older brother’s better ways.” He doesn’t want Alice to feel like that, the bar placed too far for her to ever reach.

“You’re doing a good job Killian, I can tell, I-“ She hesitates. “I ran away from my foster home and stole a car when I was seventeen.” She practically blurts out. “My now ex-boyfriend was living in it at the time, he stole it too.” Her smile turns sad. “It was a yellow Volkswagen bug, I _loved_ that car. We lived out of it for a while…but I never had anyone running after me, no one came to find me”

She looks sad at the memory, before looking back at Killian, determination in her gaze. “But Alice has you, you know what the first thing she said when she came through that door?” He shakes his head. “She asked for _you._ She wanted you there, to comfort her, to tell her it was going to be ok. You’re a good Dad Killian. Give yourself a little credit.”

He smiles at that. He smiles at the feeling of someone telling him what he was doing was _enough._

He smiles at Emma and silently hopes that maybe when this was all over Emma could just _stay._


	5. Chapter 5

_Alice was screaming; she was calling his name. She was crying for her Papa._

_"Eloise! You don't have to do this!" He yelled, fighting against the restraints, the vines holding him against the tree. He felt weak and helpless against it, the more he fought, the tighter they became._

_She was there in front of him, same golden hair, same self-satisfied smirk on her face. The cloak around her seemed to flow endlessly, like a phantom in the night. "I have to do this Killian. It's her destiny." She utters. It sounds like venom to his ears._

_Killian didn't care about fate or destiny, all he cared about was that his daughter was scared, that she needed him._

_"What would you know about her?" He snaps. "You gave her away the moment she was born. You have no right to any of this." Killian knows Alice, knows her dreams, her creative spirit, her resilience in the face of all her madness. "You don't get to decide it Eloise."_

_She knocks her head slightly. "You really are naïve aren't you?" She asks. "I'm learning more about her every day."_

_He blinks in confusion. He feels something shift._

_"I told you I'd be back for her, I keep my promises Jones."_

_But this time it's not Eloise in front of him. It's not Eloise taking away his daughter._

/

He wakes with a jolt, eyes fly open and he can feel his heart pounding in his chest.

_It's just a dream._ He repeats, trying to ease his tremors.  _We're safe, Alice is safe._ He repeats to himself.

But he can still hear Alice screaming for him in his ears, he feels helpless against it, helpless against the sound shaking him to his core.

Thunder roars outside, shaking the floor beneath the bed.

Suddenly there's a heavy knock on his door. He rushes up from where he sleeps, opening the door hesitantly. It's Emma he knows, Alice surely wouldn't knock on his door.

However the second he opens the door, he can hear Alice clear as day.

" _Papa!_ " She wails from upstairs. Lightning flashes and another clap of thunder shakes the old lighthouse.

It wasn't in his bloody head. He curses to himself. He'd been so wrapped up in his own dream that he didn't even think it could be real.

"I'm sorry for waking you but I just heard her and this whole place is shaking so badly I-" He doesn't even let her finish, rushing right past her, and up the stairs 2 at a time.

" _Papa._ " She lets out in half relief half terror as he appears. She's practically shaking, clutching one of stuffed animals tightly in her arms. She lets it go immediately and reaches for him instead. He sits on the bed besides her, holding her as she recounts the dream in quick terrified spurts. "She was going to get me, and you, she was coming, and-and- she said she'd hurt you if I didn't help her, so I did and you begged me not to and she-she ended up turning me into a tree and you were  _gone_." She whimpers into him.

"Shh." He says softly. Holding her close, trying to calm her down, Killian should have expected this after yesterday. "Nothing bad is going to happen." He assures her. "We're safe here." He reminds his daughter.

"What if she finds us?" Alice whispers.

"She hasn't yet, and she won't," He assures her. "If she does, we'll find a new place, maybe in a town no one knows us, or a city we've never been to. Just know that no matter what I'm going to be here to keep you safe."

Alice nods, looking at him with her big blue eyes, shining with tears. "And I won't let anything bad happen to you either Papa." She says. "I think the thing that the Stars say is coming…I think it's a bad thing." She admits in a quiet voice. "I think it's a really bad thing. They're louder than they used to be." He nods, rubbing her back softly.

"We'll be ready Starfish, just the two of us right? The Knight and the Rook can do anything." He reminds her.

/

Killian tells her stories, any he can think of, something exciting, and something to bring a smile to her face and chase away the worry and thoughts too old for his young daughter. He doesn't want her worrying about him, protecting him.

He wants Alice to be a happy girl, just a happy little girl.

In his stories, animals come alive and everyone always ends up with their happily ever after. He'd tell her stories until dawn if it would help, he'd tell her stories until the end of time if he had to.

But thankfully tonight, Killian didn't have to. Tonight Alice is too exhausted from her tears, from her mysterious adventure in the woods. She eventually nods off just as the hero is about to enter an unsolvable maze.

(He's glad she fell asleep as she definitely needs it, as well as the fact he had no idea how to get the heroes out of an unsolvable maze, Killian knows he should plan out these stories rather than winging it)

Eventually he returns downstairs, content to let Alice sleep.

Content to avoid the way his eyes can't seem to stay open or focus on anything without conscious effort. Without the welcome distraction of Alice, his own nightmare returns to his mind at full force. He wonders if it's a sign that the two of them had similar dreams tonight. He wonders if it's a bad omen.

He wonders if he's literally going to dissolve from how tired he was all of a sudden.

"Killian? Are you alright?" Emma asks. He looks over at her; she's sitting on the floor rifling through the cabinets.

"What are you doing?" He asks instead. Killian knows he should respond first but he doesn't have it in him to be polite.

She pulls out a bottle, one he painfully recognizes.

"You look like you could use some of this." She says with a mischievous smirk. "I definitely pegged you right, definitely a rum guy."

He stares at it unmoving, he wants it. He wants it so bad it hurts.

He remembers how easy it is to drown everything else out, the pain the worry, the sadness. He remembers how well he let nothing matter with the help of the amber liquid sloshing around in the bottle.

"I can't Swan." He says. His voice quiet. He doesn't want her to ask why. He doesn't want a chance to change his mind, to give in to temptation of letting everything disappear.

"Killian, cut yourself some slack, one drink won't kill you." She responds.

"I'm an alcoholic Swan." He says it without hesitation. Without even looking at her, staring directly at the bottle, a bottle he could empty quite easily if given half a chance.

He glances back at her, she looks mortified. "Oh my god. I'm so sorry I didn't-" He cuts her off with a wave of the hand, approaching her slowly, removing it from her hand. He knows she didn't know. He doesn't fault her in the slightest for trying to help. He crouches down, putting the bottle at the back of the cabinet where she found it. "Why do you even have that if you can't drink?" She asks.

"What's recovery without a little temptation?" He says with a dark chuckle. She's staring at him with a guilty expression.

"It's alright love, I'm fine." He says softly. "You were just trying to help." Emma rolls her eyes.

"By literally putting a drink in your hand. I'm awful." He shakes his head.

"You're not." He assures her. "I've met awful and you share no resemblance." He says with a smirk.

She doesn't respond as he helps her back to the couch, and then he sits beside her. "You must be curious…" He says.

"It's not my place to ask, but if you want to share, want to talk I'll listen." She says simply.

"After Milah died I didn't really see the point of anything anymore, I decided to drown my sorrows in the bottom of a bottle, drove my brother away and left myself completely alone." He hadn't even cared back then, he didn't care about anything except the next drink, the next escape.

"Then I met her." He continues. Killian didn't expect to talk about her, yet here he was. "I thought, I thought she would be someone, someone who could help pull me back out. She understood my pain, the agony of losing your entire world…" She'd recently lost her family, a broken soul raging against the entire world. "I though two broken people could fix each other, drag each other out of it?"

He'd been dead wrong. "Except she didn't want to get out, and she didn't want me out either. Things between us turned toxic pretty quickly. I didn't realize for a while, not after I moved in with her, not after it felt like she just wanted to use me as her own form of escape, not after I saw that every time I even thought about fixing my life, she'd just push another bottle in my hand." He shudders slightly.

"It wasn't until she told me she was pregnant." He looks to Emma, her expression gentle and understanding. "I called my brother, told him I needed help, that she was pregnant, and he came back, like the good brother he is, he dragged me out of there, helped me get sober, back on my feet, just in time for her to tell me that she had lied about the baby."

Killian hears Emma audibly gasp. "That's-" She couldn't finish.

"I know." He concludes. "She just wanted whatever progress I made to just crumble. But I didn't want to go back, I wanted my life back." He doesn't tell her how a few months later; Eloise appeared outside his door, an infant in her arms. He doesn't tell her how she pushed the baby in his arms and told him that she didn't want it.

She didn't want her own daughter.

"You're a good man Killian." Emma insists. "Despite your demons."

He shakes his head because it's just not true. "She deserve better." He responds. "She deserves more than just me. She deserves for her coming into being to be good and pure, she doesn't deserve any of this." He insists, angry all of a sudden. Killian usually doesn't let himself feel angry about all of this, but in this one moment he makes an exception.

"She deserves a mother who loves her and a father who can protect her." He says.

"You protect her." Emma counters.

"We're in a bloody lighthouse." He reminds her. "I ran away. I took her and ran; I thought it was my only option, but what if I was wrong? What if this was all a big mistake." Emma shakes her head.

"Alice loves it here, she loves you. You did what you thought you had to do, you took a bad situation and made it better, made it bearable." He lets his head fall into his hands.

"She deserves better than bearable, she deserves a father who doesn't make such huge mistakes, someone-" He stops.

"I get it Killian, you have regrets, but you can't let them drown you." She reminds him. "You have to accept them." He does, he does accept them, forgive them? Forgive himself? That's another story entirely.

"And how exactly do I do that Swan?" He asks sarcastically.

"Hell if I know." She responds with a shrug, leaning back into the sofa. "I get it Killian, in case you can't tell, but I've made mistakes too." Emma says after a moment. "I got put in a pretty tight spot a few months back, the only way out I saw was to make a deal with someone. I had to-" She trails off, sounding a bit panicked if he was being honest.

"You don't have to explain Emma" He tries, letting her out of telling him, giving her an excuse to put her walls back up. But Emma shakes her head, determination flashes in her gaze.

"I had to steal something, something incredibly valuable…Medicine, rare medicine…"She says hesitating again, he can feel her picking her words carefully, deciding exactly what parts of the truth to tell him. "I didn't know it was medicine at the time and-someone died, a woman, a mother. She died without the medicine and that's why, that's why this happened." She says pointing at her leg. "I'm not a good person Killian."

He crosses his arms. "If I have to listen to you when you say that I'm a good man then you have to listen to me when I saw that you're a good person too." He counters. "You thought you had to, and you didn't know what would happen. Hell, if it was a stranger or Alice I would have done the same thing." He adds.

"I guess we're both a little broken." Emma concludes.

He nods.  _Perhaps._

"Killian? Do you believe in fate?" Emma asks after a moment, her voice sounding strangely vulnerable.

"Sometimes." He responds honestly. "But I don't like the idea of anyone deciding my fate but me." She snickers at that. She turns her head towards him and it's then Killian realizes just how close together they were sitting, their shoulders were brushing and Killian could see all the shades of green in the candlelight.

_He wants to kiss her._

"Killian" She says in a small voice, sounding almost breathless.

He pulls back. He can't, she doesn't-

"Sorry, I don't-" He trails off, feeling a blush creep into his face as he jerks away, but doesn't leave the couch. "I don't know what we're doing Emma." He admits.

"What I-" She trails off, pink coloring her own cheeks. "Shit did I-" She scoots away.

"I don't want to pressure you Emma, I don't want to give you the wrong idea about me." He continues.

"Pressure me?" She repeats, eyes narrowing in confusion.

"I know you were upset because I tried to kiss you and you didn't want that. I apologize." He continues.

"You thought I didn't want to kiss you?" She exclaims. She's laughing now, all the previous serious talk disappears with that smile.

"You started avoiding me." He reminds her.

"I wasn't-" She tries, but Killian shakes his head.

"I'm a smart man Swan, I know what being avoided looks like, and this." He waves his hand in her general direction. "Is avoiding." He assures her. "And the only possible reason I could find to why you were doing so was that I misread the situation and you didn't want it to happen."

He has another apology on the tip of his tongue; it was the only proper thing to do. He moves to get up, to return to the kitchen table and let Emma have the rest of her night in peace. He can make a cup of coffee and spend the rest of the evening in his room pacing and not thinking about kissing Emma. Emma however, catches his hand and with surprising force as he tries to leave, pulls him back down, the determined look back on her face.

"Then let me make myself perfectly clear right now." She says with conviction. "I, Emma Swan, just- _desperately_  want to kiss you, Killian Jones." She says slowly, breathlessly. And then she does so. She pulls him into her.

She kisses him, a gentle thing, as if she too doesn't want him to slip away

Killian reciprocates before he even consciously realizes what he's doing.

He responds the same way, not wanting to push her too far. Because he wants her to  _stay;_ he doesn't want her to run, he wants to live in this moment where he's kissing the bright, brilliant woman he found on a beach.

However, he feels her kissing with more force, her hand pulling him by the collar. It stirs something in him, whatever tension existing between them melts as he cups her cheek, pulling her closer as well.

They break briefly, both breathless and surprised.

"Bloody hell." He curses, because that was…it was something, she's something.

_He wants more, he wants her, wants so much more than just one kiss._

This time it's him kissing her, trying so desperately for more, more of feeling her lips, her hands, her warmth pressed against him. Killian feels like he's drowning, but doesn't want to stop.

After a moment he feels her shift, now straddling him. He has a good feeling that Emma doesn't want to stop either.

A moan escapes his lips at the feeling, making Emma snicker. She breaks the kiss, looking at him with a teasing look.

"Emma." He sighs. He has more to say, more to tell her about what she's doing to him, but all he can do is say her name. "Oh Emma."

He's very positive that he is absolutely enamored by her.

"Shh tiger, we have to be quiet." She reminds him. He nods.

She's kissing him again, her hands through his hair as his own hands briefly graze her body, her shoulders, her back, she shivers when he finds the bit of skin where the shirt rides up.

Then he feels Emma shift and inhale sharply. He stops instantly. His eyes widen in fear.  _Had he hurt her?_

"Sorry, sorry." She says immediately, noticing his look. "I forgot about my leg, rubbed it wrong." She admits. He scoots so the bandage doesn't rub against the arm of the couch. "We can-"

Killian yawns. He curses himself immediately. "That wasn't-" He tries. He doesn't want to insult her. She laughs shaking her head.

"Look this-this was a onetime thing alright?" Emma says. "I just…"She trails off.

"Sexual tension, just a bit of a release for the both of us." He concludes.

(It's a lie and they both know it, but that's ok)

"You're going to try and stay up aren't you?" She asks after a moment.

He doesn't respond; they both know he will. Killian is never really able to go back to sleep after a nightmare. He's always too afraid he'll be hit with another.

"You're exhausted Killian." Emma insists. "You need to sleep."

He knows he is; he can barely keep his eyes open now that the adrenaline of their previous actions started to fade, but still he tries.

He has to.

He doesn't bother trying to convince her he's fine. "Look at me Kilian." He does, catches her eyes in the candle light. Her hands slip up to his face, rubbing against his stubble, her palm is so smooth and soft; the sensation makes him gasp slightly. "Do you trust me Killian?" She asks. He nods, eyes slipping closed slowly. He feels her move from straddling him, and he groans wanting her to stay.

"I'm not going anywhere Killian." She assures him tugging his shoulder. He complies, letting her direct his body to lay on the couch long ways, his head settling on her lap. She tugs the blanket to cover him.

Killian tries to open his eyes, vision already blurring with sleep, he tries to sit up to protest, but she gently pushes him back down. He complies, not really wanting to leave this spot anyway.

"I've got you Killian." She assures him, hands find their way through his hair massaging is scalp gently, soothingly. "Let me take watch over you Killian, you know you can trust me."

He does.


	6. Chapter 6

He hears voices whispering around him as he slowly wakes.

At first he can't quite place it, he's too tired and nothing is making much sense.

He recognizes his daughter's voice right away. She's whispering in the background, actually giggling a bit, but he can't quite hear what she's saying.

He hears Emma shush her. "Let you dad sleep a little longer, he's been really tired." She explains.

He opens his eyes slowly, trying to blink away the sleep. Instead of his dark bedroom, he sees the lightly lit living room. All of a sudden he remembers how he ended up sleeping on the couch.

_The nightmare_

_Alice_

_The kiss._

Killian certainly remembers the kiss. He remembers Emma soothing him, comforting him, letting down his guard as he passed out on her lap.

"Let's make some breakfast so he doesn't have to, how does that sound?" Emma asks.

He can hear Alice agree excitedly, the sounds of her going to the cupboard where they have the remains of their dwindling supplies.

"Let's see…Ah, that looks doable." Emma says, pulling out a box. He can hear Alice shifting on her feet.

"Papa never makes that." She points out. "Only on special occasions he says." Alice repeats. "I think the last time we had that was before we came here."

There's a pause and he tenses, trying to remember what Alice was referring to. Nothing is popping out at him.

"Then I guess now is as good of a time as any." Emma says voice bright and happy. He hears more shuffling and while he wants to see what's happening, he enjoys listening to them chatter and joke and tease.

"Can I mix? Please?" He hears Emma laugh under her breath, a bowl being placed on the table, the only surface Alice's tall enough to reach comfortably. He can hear her stirring quickly, the clanging of some utensil, a wooden spoon he guesses.

"Gentle, gentle." Emma says. "We don't want to make a mess."

"Right, sorry."

He hears Emma finish mixing whatever it is, and the stove being turn on."You have a spatula around here right?" Emma asks.

"Left drawer."

Suddenly Killian knows  _exactly_  what the pair is making, he opens his eyes and sits up slowly. They don't seem to notice him move. Emma has a pan on the gas; a chair is placed besides her where she places her leg, keeping her standing as she scoops a spoonful of batter on the pan.

"You're right Alice, we haven't had pancakes in a while." He muses. He forgot that box of mix was even in there. Both pairs of eyes dart towards him.

"Papa!" Alice exclaims, rushing towards him and jumping onto the couch with him. "I woke up before you today." She announces; a typical Jones smirk aimed at him.

Killian chuckles. "Yes you did Starfish, I didn't realize how tired I was." Alice nods in understanding.

"Then you rest Papa, Emma and I will make breakfast and then I'm going to clean the dishes so you can rest."

He smiles at her, brimming with pride over his compassionate little girl. He nods. "Alright just let me know if you need any help, either of you." He says glancing at Emma just as she flips a pancake.

"No need Jones, us girls got this right Alice?" Alice perks up.

"Right!"

And they do. Emma makes stacks of pancakes; Alice finds the syrup deep in the back of the pantry.

"These are brilliant." He praises. Emma smirks.

"Why haven't we had pancakes Papa?" Alice asks gobbling the ones in front of her. Killian shrugs. He doesn't have an answer, they just haven't.

"We'll definitely have them more often, especially since Emma is so good at making them." Something flashes in front of his face when he says that and Killian immediately panics. He knows why, he knows that his words implies that Emma is staying, that she's included in these family moments, that she's part of this.

And in that moment, Killian realizes that he  _wants_  her to be part of this. He wants Emma to be a part of this family and it terrifies him. Was a single enough to know if she is good enough for Alice? Good enough to be the constant female influence on her life?

He doesn't think it is, but perhaps it's a start.

_A start to what?_

Killian needs to stop thinking about this right now. He needed to stop right now.

"Are you still hungry Papa? You haven't finished your food yet." Alice points out breaking him away from his thoughts. He looks down; he has a few bites left. He looks up at Emma; he can tell by the way she was looking at him that she knew exactly what he was thinking.

Killian wants to know where they go from here. He wants to know what she plans to do once she finishes healing.

"I'm eating I'm eating." He says to the impatient girl, "You can start with your plate if you're so excited to do the dishes." He tells her. Alice nods, racing to the sink.

He knows that it's more likely that Alice will get distracted by the bubbly soap than actually wash the dishes, but he appreciates her trying.

"Are you alright?" Emma asks. He blinks.

"Of course love." He replies. "Are you? Did I keep you up?" He asks. Emma shook her head.

"I've slept pretty well sitting like that before. Helps with stake outs." She admits. He raises a brow curiously.

"I used to do a fair amount of stake outs. I was a bail bonds person." She explains. "Tracking all the deadbeats all around Boston." He can see Emma in that role, the tough blonde seducing criminals with her beauty before slapping on the cuffs with that fierceness he's seen in her.

_It would also explain that right hook of hers._ He recalls. He doesn't even realize he's touching his jaw until Emma breaks down into a laugh.

"Yeah, sorry about that." Emma snickers. "I've always been the hit first ask questions later type of girl, I guess it comes from the territory you know?"

All of a sudden Killian sees what she's doing. She's opening up to him.

"I used to be a cop." He blurts out. "A uniformed officer in Seattle." Emma smirks.

"I can see that. I bet you were a real goodie two shoes." She teases.

"A regular Eagle Scout." He laughs. "The Desk Sargent used to call me that, I don't think he meant it as a compliment but I took it as one? What's so wrong with following the rules you know?"

She nods. "I know. Kids used to call me the ugly duckling, I had the glasses, the old hand-me- downs, I was the orphan no one wanted, so one day I decided that only I could determine who I was. Swan was the name I gave myself."

He smiles at her. Enamored by how strong and brilliant she was, persevering through everything. He doesn't think he'll ever get tired of learning more about her.

"I've read that book." Alice perks up. "I really like it. I think you're a swan Emma." She concludes. "The Stars think so to."

Killian tenses.

"Stars?" Emma asks, looking back at him. He doesn't exactly know what to say.

"Yup, they like to tell people things they should know." Alice explains. "But Papa can't hear them." She explains; a twinge of sadness.

A look of understanding passes over Emma. "Oh, ok. They like my name?" Alice nods. "Good, I like their name too." She concludes.

"How's your leg doing?" Killian asks; desire to change the subject reaching its peak.

Emma offers him to look and it surprises him how good it looks, the stitches have healed enough that he doesn't think she'll tear it, possibly days away from removal.

_It's remarkable_. He realizes.

But as fast as it's healing, he knows that it will be only a matter of time before Emma is at full strength.

"Why were you sleeping on the couch?" Alice asks all of a sudden. It sounds like she was thinking hard about it.

"Because I fell asleep there," He responds with a playful smile. She gives him a look that obviously says that that wasn't what she meant.

He looks to Emma slightly, wondering what she may have told his daughter while he was sleeping. She avoids his gaze completely.

He suppresses a sigh. "I had a nightmare too Al, Emma offered to sit with me for a bit and I ended up falling asleep." He explains.

Her eyes widen. "Did you see her too?" She asks in a whisper.

Killian nods, he is unable to lie to his daughter about that particular topic. "But it's alright Alice, nothing bad will happen, I promise." He insists, he doesn't want her to be afraid. But from the looks of it, he's failing miserably.

"but what if-" She starts, but Emma interrupts.

"I know how to keep the nightmares away." She blurts out.

They both look at her and Killian isn't exactly sure where she's going with this.

Emma blushes, looking uncomfortable all of a sudden.

"Have you ever heard of dreamcatchers?" Emma asks. Alice shakes her head.

"They're pretty, you hang them above your head before you go to sleep, then they trap the bad dreams before they can get you and they only let the good dreams through." She explains simply. "I used to get bad dreams and then someone gave me one and it kept me from having bad dreams anymore."

She still looks nervous; Killian can see by her face that it wasn't just anyone who gave it to her. There was more to that story.

"Dream catchers?" Alice repeats, eyes wide with wonder. "They can really keep away the bad dreams?" Emma nods, smiling at her brightly. "Where do I get a dreamcatcher?" she asks deep in thought.

"You make them." She explains simply. Alice doesn't say anything, still thinking.

"But I don't know how to make a dreamcatcher." She concludes with a frown.

Emma chuckles. "I do." She replies. She leans in close. "Do you want to learn?" Emma asks in a whisper.

Killian swears he has never seen Alice grin wider.

/

"Is this spot good?" He asks Alice a little while later. He has a blanket tucked under his arm, and a few containers of water and snacks in a small bag. He wouldn't exactly call it a picnic, but it was definitely about time they got out into the sun for a bit.

Alice nods. "Right here." She confirms, pointing to the spot. "Close enough to the flowers." Killian smirks at her and has her help him set the blanket down.

"Ok, I'll be right back with Emma.  _Don't move_." Alice nods, lying back onto the blanket.

The spot was close enough that he knows he can carry Emma there and back with relative ease, but far enough away for Emma to get a change of scenery from what their dreary window could see.

Emma's standing when he arrives; she's smiling, looking a bit excited. "I assume you're ready to get a bit of fresh air Swan?" Killian asks. Emma smirks at him.

"I think you know the answer to that Jones." She says back at him. He approaches her, directing her to wrap her arms around his neck. She does so.

(He pretends he can't smell the cinnamon from this morning's tea, can't help staring at her lips, thinking about last night.)

"Eyes up here Jones." She teases with a whisper. She licks her lips, biting her bottom one. He smirks back at her.

"Of course Swan, I'm a gentleman." He places his arms under her knees, scooping her up and tucking her close.

_This woman is going to be the death of him._

Alice was sitting right where he'd left her when he returns, a collection of flowers slowly gathering. He already knows what she's going to ask at some point.

"Papa found the twine." Alice says, hand up with the coil on display. He places Emma down in the empty spot besides her.

"So what do we do first?" Alice asks.

Killian tries to pay attention, but he is too wrapped up in just watching them to listen.

Emma is directing her of what to retrieve, Alice listening so intently, asking questions which Emma answers so patiently. She says something that makes Alice smile and laugh, she goes and gets something, and then talks a mile a minute about whatever flower or feather or rock she's found.

It's bliss, perfect bliss.

He couldn't imagine the two getting along better.

_"Mama? Can you read me this book?" Alice asked._

_Eloise looked up from her spot on the couch. They had been having a not so pleasant conversation about how they'd left things as far as their relationship. Killian remembers being fuming with rage over her words._

_Alice placed the book in her hand, her mother's hand. She desperately wants her attention, her acknowledgement. Alice was the sole reason Killian had even allowed Eloise to enter his home. He wanted to give Alice the chance to be with her mother._

_Eloise looked at it. She looked dissatisfied by the choice, but she didn't say as much. She didn't say much of anything._

_Alice, his smart little girl, picked up on it immediately. "You don't like my book?" She asked. She sounded sad. He could see the weight of the disappointment already beginning to weigh on her._

_Eloise frowns. "Sweetie, it's not that I don't like it, it's just that I don't believe this book taps into your true potential, you don't really gain anything from such a story." She says. "Why don't you go find a better book while your father and I chat?"_

_Alice looked close to tears._

_Killian had kicked Eloise out of his house immediately. It took the rest of the night to calm her down from her tears._

"Look Papa!" Killian blinks out of that memory, looking at what Alice had placed in his hand. It was small, a bit larger than his hand. The ring was obviously made of pieces of swigs secured with the twine, covered by petals of some of the flowers grown the field, the inside had an intricate design of crisscrosses, and a few oddly placed knots and bits of extra string. Killian could even see the shells attached at the had feathers hanging from it.

(He made a mental note to make sure Alice washes her hands extra well when they got back, who knew what germs could have been on those feathers)

In short it's beautiful.

"I think this will do an excellent job at keeping your nightmares away Starfish." He says returning her creation to her. Alice shakes her head, pressing the dream catcher back into his hands.

"Papa, it's for  _you_." She insists. "I wanted to keep  _your_  nightmares away."

He blinks in surprise. "Alice-" He looks down at the gift again, suddenly the seashells make a bit more sense, she knew how much he loved the ocean, had it been for her, there would have been bits of those colorful rocks she loves to find. "I told you Papa, I want to make sure nothing happens to you either." She reminds him.

Killian is touched, so much in fact that he just sits there and marvels at his beautiful and kind and caring daughter. His child. He sees his mother in her smile, his brother in her loyalty.

"Come here you." He says all of a sudden scooping up the little girl, making her shriek loudly as he tickles her. "When did you get so grown up?" He asks.

She shrieks and smiles and laughs loudly. "I told you Papa, I'm all grown up!"

Emma is laughing now. He can hear her. He smiles at her something warm and real and alive. He hasn't felt this good in a while, the constant fear he's used to experience is barely a whisper in the background.

It doesn't escape his notice to the dreamcatcher she's making. He knows it's for Alice right away. If she wasn't injured perhaps he'd include her in this, tickle her, have Alice team up with him. It feels right to. It feels as if she  _belongs_  here.

"You're really good at this." Killian points out, stopping his tickle assault. Alice is clinging to his arm, still giggling, but catching her breath.

Emma shrugs. "Everyone is good at something." She says with a shrug.

"Papa is good at making flower crowns." Alice exclaims excitedly. He'd called it earlier. Those flowers were never for the dream catchers, always for Alice's favorite activity.

Emma raises a brow. "Oh do you?" She asks, a bit of a challenge in her voice.

"I'm not that good." He says automatically, embarrassed all of a sudden by his daughter's praise. He wasn't perfect, you could see the knots if you looked carefully, sometimes the stems would rip or the petels would fall off with his man handling. "Just a silly bit I learned on YouTube." She gives him a challenging look.

"Milah taught him." Alice says in a very loud whisper. "He doesn't think his are as good as hers, but I love them." Killian rolls his eyes. "Show her Papa! I already have the flowers." Alice insists once more.

"Sure Alice." He relents, he's not embarrassed, nor is he saddened by the memory of his Milah. Sharing this with Alice always felt like he was passing along a skill from Milah on. "Which flowers do you want?"

Alice picks the white ones this time, which is a change for her usual pattern of bright colors. Emma is watching him intently, but Killian does everything he can to avoid her gaze.

"Are you sure Alice? You don't want to stick some of those yellow ones in here?" He asks. She shakes her head.

"It's not for me Papa." She corrects him. "It's for  _Emma_."

His eyes snap up in surprise. Emma is blushing and Alice is just looking at them like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"You don't need to-" Emma tries, but Killian can already tell Alice isn't having it. She has an idea in her head and there's no swaying her away from one of those.

"Of course he has to; boys give girls flowers when they like them." She tells her, an eye roll thrown in.

It just makes them both turn redder, if that was even possible.

"Not always." Emma insists. Killian chuckles.

"The good ones do Swan. Especially when they go on  _dates._ " He reminds her, throwing in a smirk for good measure.

"Oh really?" she asks with an eyebrow raised in challenge. "What would you bring a lady on a first date?" She asks. "Carnations?"

He shakes his head. "I'm a fan of the classics Swan." He tells her "If I was taking someone out on a date, I'd bring you a single red rose."

Emma doesn't respond, she just looks at him. He can feel her eyes searching for the lie, the inconsistency, or any sort of indication that he wasn't being genuine.

(There is none to be found)

"You said you'd bring Emma a rose Papa." Alice points out. The little lass is smirking like she knows something she shouldn't.

Killian blinks in confusion. "What?"

Alice is practically hopping from foot to foot, unable to keep still, obviously too excited to do so. "You said if you were taking a girl out, you'd bring  _Emma_  a flower." She explains. "See! You do like Emma!"

_Bloody hell._

_"_ Crown's done." He announces instead, putting the last daisy into place.

"Ohhh! It's so pretty!" Alice exclaims, distraction successful, crisis averted.

Killian rises to stand over Emma gently placing the crown down on her head. The white flowers look perfect on her, resembling a halo rather than a crown.

"What should we crown her queen of Alice?" He asks. Alice doesn't even hesitate.

"She's not a Queen she's a princess just like me!" Alice exclaims. "She's also a Savior."

He looks at Alice curiously; he wasn't too familiar with this game. "Savior, Alice? What does that mean?" Alice shrugs.

"Someone important." She just says not sounding entirely sure herself. He makes Killian slightly concerned for her. He wants to ask more questions, try to see what she's thinking.

(He wonders if she is having another bad day.)

"Killian? Do you think I can go back inside?" Emma asks suddenly, snapping his attention towards her suddenly.

"Are you alright?" He asks. She nods.

"My leg is just in a bit of pain and I think I should lie down." She explains. Killian looks her over and she does look a little pale.

Killian turns back at Alice; she looks perfectly fine, lost in her own head, but not distressed in any obvious way. "Alright Swan, Alice help me gather up the things, it looks like we're going to have to head in a little earlier." Alice nods and doesn't have to be told twice to help gather the supplies.

"Would you really take me out on a date Jones?" Emma whispers when he picks her up.

He doesn't hesitate, glancing back at her. "Is that you asking me Swan?" He whispers back.

"Would you say yes?" She counters. He's walking slowly, an eye on Alice as she attempts to carry the blanket and the water at once.

"Shouldn't it be me who should be doing the asking?" He asks. Emma rolls her eyes.

"Stop avoiding the question." He chuckles at that.

"I would. And then I'd pick you up, bring you a rose and take you out to a nice dinner, maybe something Italian." He pictures the place, his favorite place from back home, the place that always had a few extra crayons and blank paper for Alice to color on.

"I'd like that." Emma agrees.

"Too bad we're nowhere near anything." He murmurs. "The closest to that I could do is this." He explains.

"Maybe in another life." Emma says. They're back at the lighthouse by this point. It takes a bit of maneuvering, but he eventually is able to get the door open and is able to place Emma back on the sofa.

"Have you ever thought about going back?" Emma asks. It catches him off guard.

"Going back?" Killian repeats.

"To civilization? To home? Somewhere with Italian restaurants and a washing machine and roads and people." She trails off. "Ever thinking about going back? Facing whatever you're running from?"

A wave of dread settles in his gut.

"No." He replies. "I never even considered going back, and I don't plan on starting now." He doesn't mean to sound cold or distant. Judging by her look that's how it came out.

"Killian, I didn't mean to offend you." Emma tries.

"You didn't, you asked a question and I gave my answer." He responds.

"What are you running from?" Emma asks, the words sound like they tumble from her, like she couldn't hold in the question anymore. It's a fair question, one he'd known in the back of his head she'd ask, but he can't help the inhaling sharply at it. "I'm trying to understand you, and I think I do. But this one thing isn't making much sense." She continues. "You used to be a cop so I don't think you're running from the police or anything. You'd be in witsec if you're job got you into trouble. I literally have a healing gunshot wound. Whatever it is, it can't be worse than that."

He wants to laugh at that, but he doesn't. "It is Swan. It's worse. It's complicated and messy and I don't even think you'd believe me if I tried to tell you." He admits.

"Then why don't you try and see what happens?" Emma challenges. "You've been so open about everything else. Why haven't you opened up about this? Why are you so scared of whoever it is finding you? Don't you trust me?"

He does, he does trust her, but he can't. He just can't. The words are stuck in the back of his throat; he can't tell her the rest of it. He can't take the risk that she wouldn't believe him, or worse, that she  _will_ believe him.

But he wants to tell her something, anything to let her understand why he can't tell her, why he can't give her this last bit of trust.

"I'm not worried about them find me." He says. His voice is shaking slightly. "I'm scared of them finding Alice." He insists.

Emma's eyes widen. "I'm sorry I can't tell you more, and if it was only me in danger, I wouldn't have done any of this." She doesn't respond, she just looks sad.

"I understand." Emma replies. "She's your kid, you got to do the best for them." He nods.

"Papa!" Alice yells. Killian turns to go see what Alice needs. He sees the supplies on the floor, and Alice is visibly trembling. "Can you hear it? Or is it just in my head?" She asks in a weak whisper.

Killian doesn't hear it at first, but when he's concentrates he hears it.

"Bloody hell." He curses. It's only now that he realizes that today has been the first day he hadn't gone to check the traps, seen if there were signs of anyone.

_His fault. He should have done his damn job._

"Papa." She says softly. "Are they going to find us?" She asks. Killian shakes his head.

"No Starfish." He promises.

There's no way he's letting anything happen to her.

She's still shaking despite hos reassurances, so rather than trying to calm her, he just picks her up and practically shoved them both inside. "We have a plan remember?" He says as he puts her down. "Go get your bag, quickly dear." He assures her, messing with her blonde hair.

Alice doesn't argue, she doesn't say much of anything actually.

"Killian? What's wrong?" Emma asks. He doesn't respond, not yet. He needs to get ready himself. He rushes to his room, leaving the door open as he rummages under the bed. He eventually pulls out his gun safe. "Killian you're scaring me." It takes him a moment to steel himself. Killian needs to have a solid front if he's going to get them through this.

"Something triggered my trap." He tells her. "It could be nothing. It could be an animal, or the wind." He adds. They could be panicking over nothing.

"But it could be whoever wants Alice." Emma realizes.

"Or whoever wants you." Killian reminds her. "Do you think you can walk at all on that leg?" He asks.

Emma nods. A determined look takes over her, the look of the woman who refused to die when she'd been shot and dumped into the water. He reaches further under the bed and takes out a bag. It has everything needed to get where they needed to go.

"I need you to take Alice and run." He insists. Emma's already disagreeing before he even finishes. "Alice needs to get through this; she needs someone to take care of her, just until you find Liam, my brother. Please just get her to him and then you can decide what to do."

Emma is shaking her head. "I'm not leaving you Killian." She insists. "Alice needs her dad."

Killian nods. "And she'll have one. If it's nothing, I'll be able to catch up fairly quickly. If it's your friends, they don't know me, I can send them off your scent and catch up. If it's my friends…" Killian trails off. He knows at the most he'd be able to buy them a bit of time. "Then Alice will have Liam."

Emma shakes her head firmly, he can see her eyes glistening slightly, but it's most likely in his head. "I can't." She says.

"You have to!" He says firmly. "You owe me this Emma. If anything, any of this meant anything to you, if I meant anything to you, you're going to protect my daughter and get her to safety."

She seems to understand, slowly, she approaches him. Without a word she cups his cheek and kisses him, quickly and gently. "I'll take care of her. I'll get her to your brother, but promise me you're going to come back. Promise me that one day you're going to take me on that date."

He nods. He promises.

He hears Alice coming down the stairs, her bag over her shoulders. She isn't smiling. He takes Emma's hand as he leaves the room.

"Alice, I'm going to go check it out." He tells her. Alice's eyes go wide. "No Papa! You have to come too." Killian shakes his head.

"Emma is going to keep an eye on you, and you're going to take her to Uncle Liam. E've gone over how to get there a dozen times. You'll be ok Al." He insists.

"I'm scared Papa, what if something happens to you?" she asks, tears stream down her face. Killian pulls her close.

"Something happening to me?" He says with a smirk. "I'll be fine Starfish." looks up, catching Emma's gaze. "I love you so much. I promise I'll be back as soon as I can."

Alice nods.

He kisses the top of her head. Alice moves, grabbing Emma's hand. Emma looks stunned lightly by her action but she doesn't take her hand away, if anything she holds her tighter.

Killian exits the lighthouse, hoping that Emma and Alice are doing what he said, and getting as far from here as possible. He makes a beeline to where the first trap is, trying to move as silently as possible. He can hear movement in the distance. More than that, he can hear talking.

Killian tries to creep closer, get a better look.

"Who the hell would place this much line in a freaking trap?!" Someone curses, tangled up in wire. The man is of average height and build, dark hair, and looking increasingly frustrated. "It has to be her, who else would do something this infuriating!" He shouts. Killian looks around seeing no one to be listening to this man's loud rants.

He realizes instantly that this man isn't here for Alice, he's here for  _Emma._

Armed with this new knowledge, Killian began formulating a plan to get him as far away from here as possible.

That is, until something hard hits him on the back of the head.


	7. Chapter 7

"I told you I didn't kill him." A voice says as Killian struggles to open his eyes.

It was different this time, waking up in an unfamiliar place. Last time it felt warmer, he felt happy waking up with his girls talking and laughing. He felt at peace.

"But you  _could_  have." The other insists. This time he feels cold, cold and tense. There is no peace. "Walsh seriously you need to stop killing people we need alive."

Everything looks too bright, and his head just  _aches_. It takes him a moment to figure out what happened to him. All he really knew was that he didn't fall asleep on the couch. He wasn't at home with his daughter.

He could see green. Green leaves, green grass, green trees.

No green eyes.

He saw something move, it was blurry.

"He's waking up!" A voice shouts loudly, too loudly. His eyes close again as he winces. Killian moves to cover his face with his hands but finds he's unable to.

His hands are bound behind him. Realization dawns on his quickly after that. He'd been attacked, hit in the back of the head by his attackers.

He opens his eyes again, vision clearing. A man was standing over him, watching him with a worried expression; the other was leaning against a tree, without a care in the world.

"It's about time." The casual guy says sarcastically. He seems annoyed by the entire situation. "Finally we can get some answers." Killian assumes he's this 'Walsh' character.

He blinks, trying to will away the headache. It doesn't work.

"What the hell?" He snaps.

"We don't want any trouble." The first guy says. "We just need some information." Killian rolls his eyes at that.

"Knocking a man unconscious and tying him up is a sure way to 'not want trouble'" He bites back. "Whatever you two are looking for, I don't know where it is." He looks back at them. Killian can already tell who the one in charge really is. Killian knows Walsh is who he should be worried about.

"And how exactly would you know we're looking for something?" Walsh asks.

Killian gives an annoyed sigh. "Looking for information typically means looking for something." He replies. "Why? Are you just looking on advice as to the best picnic spot out here?" He asks sarcastically. "It's under the big willow a few miles back, you can't miss it."

The Walsh moves slowly, and levels a gun at his head. He realizes with certainty what had hit him in the back of the head. "I'd watch the sarcasm if I were you." He adds.

Killian doesn't respond. He gets a very firm feeling that this man would shoot him dead for mouthing off too much.

"Do you live around here?" The other man asks. He looks between his friend and him, hands raised in a peaceful gesture. He looks scared and nervous, like this wasn't at all what he signed up for.

That meant there was a chance to get them to turn on each other.

Killian shakes his head. He meets the kinder man's gaze. He knows if there's even a chance at putting a wedge between them he needed to be seen as a person.

"You're not going to like it if I catch you lying to us." The man with the gun says. Killian refuses to look at him.

"I'm hiding out here for a bit, but I wouldn't say I live here." He replies slowly. "There's no need for violence mate." He insists, cracking a smile. "I'm just a simple man trying to get by." The last thing Killian wants is to take them home, he doesn't want them to ask questions about his life, about any sign that Emma may have left behind.

Considering the rush to get out, he knows Emma left behind a trace. Whih meant the second they found it, he'd be dead.

"We're looking for someone, a woman, late 20's, blonde most likely hurt." Killian eyes the gun warily and then the man.

_This is the man that hurt her._ Killian realizes with sickening clarity.  _Shot her and left her drowning in the ocean, now here to finish her off._

"I haven't seen anyone here for the last few months." He replies. "There's nothing around here for miles." He adds.

"Maybe she is dead Walsh." The man without the gun whispers. The other shakes his head.

"We both know she's too stubborn for that." His eyes flicker to something past him. "What about that lighthouse?" He asks. "Could she be hiding out there?"

Killian swears he feels all the blood drain from his face. He doesn't respond. He can't he hasn't thought up an answer yet, not something that could get these men to just leave them alone.

Walsh must have seen something on his face, because he repeats the question firmer.

"I live there." He admits. "I promise you're mystery woman isn't there. I live alone."

Killian hopes they'll believe him, hopes they'll just go on their way. He wants to get back to Alice and Emma. He wants this to be over.

"Let's just go make sure of that shall we?" The man asks, he circles around him, grabbing him by his bound wrists and pulls him to his feet.

Killian stumbles slightly, head spinning from the injury until he rights himself. "Lead the way." Walsh insists, gesturing with the weapon.

/

He can barely contain the gasp as he stumbles; the blow to his head was still making his ears ring. "I told you, no one but me lives here, happy?" He demands as he reaches the lighthouse.

They lead him inside slowly. He looks around for any sign that they're still here, thankfully finding none.

The one without the gun starts to venture out, looking around. "I don't see anyone here Walsh." He says uncertainly. "Maybe he was telling the truth."

Walsh still has his gun trained on him. Killian keeps himself standing, turning to look at the other. Then the man picks up a shoe from the table. "I thought you said you live alone?" He asks. The shoe is one that obviously belongs to a child.

He doesn't respond. He just glares at Walsh.

"Walsh, you can't. If there's a kid here-" The other man trails off.

"What? You think we should cut this man a break because he has a kid? You were always soft Jefferson." He snaps. "Actually go look around, find the kid then we'll really know if he's telling us the truth.

The other man, Jefferson, looks horrified.

"I'm not hurting a kid Walsh." He says firmly.

_So there's his limit._ Killian realizes.

Walsh rolls his eyes.

"There's no one else here." Killian says. "The owner of this place has a kid, and like I said I'm just hiding out for a bit." He explains evenly. He hopes he's believable. "A kid used to live here but there's no kid here." The pair exchange looks; Jefferson checks both rooms but returns both times shaking his head.

They were gone. Killian feels a wave of relief. He just has to wait it out, let them figure out where to go next and then Killian can go find Emma and Alice.

It was going to be ok.

"Then I guess we don't need him." Walsh says causally, the gun moves to point at the back of his head. Killian feels himself freeze. His hopes dwindled away in an instant. "Mate, I was telling you the truth you don't have to-"

"Walsh, we don't have to do this." Jefferson says easing his way back over to them. "Gold just wants Swan, not him." He can't breathe. All he can picture is that broken promise to Alice.

_At least she'll have Liam, Liam who can protect her, maybe keep her safe in some little town where she can have friends and people to rely on. Maybe she'll even have Emma too._

"If he doesn't know anything what use is he? And if he does know something, this is his last chance." Walsh turns him around so Killian can star right at him. "Tell me where Emma Swan is or I'll kill you right here."

Killian considers it, for one terrible moment he considers it. If he sells out Swan, he has no guarantee he'd be spared. He has no guarantee that Alice won't be alone. That Alice won't be another casualty.

If Killian says nothing, at least Alice has Emma. She won't be alone. She'll have Liam and have a home, a better home then he could ever provide.

"I have no idea who you're talking about mate." He says sternly. "But you don't have to do this. I won't tell anyone, I have no one to tell, please just-" Killian feels the gun hit him in the head again, it sent him back to fall flat on his back, looking up at his attacker, his ears ringing.

"Walsh please!" The other man shouts, moving towards him quickly.

"Shut up Jefferson!" Walsh snaps. "Or I'll shoot you too." The other man halts in his traks and then remains silent.

_This is it. He's going to die._

"Stop!" A voice shouts. "Don't hurt him!" He sucks in a breath. It's Emma, emerging; shot gun pointing at the ceiling. "He's innocent." She insists.

He distantly wonders where she found that, but Killian doesn't care. He cares that she came back into this world of danger, and he cares where Alice is.

_You promised…_

"Swan." Walsh practically leers. "Fancy meeting you here." Emma glares harshly.

"Didn't think you'd look for me." She admits, venom dripping from her voice. "After you left me for dead with a hole in my leg." The man shrugs.

"I had orders." He says. "It wasn't personal."

Killian looked between them and something about it looks bloody personal.

Emma looks at him; he can see a sorry smile on her face. "Emma…" He says in a whisper.  _You didn't have to do this. You should have ran, you would've been safe._ He tries again, but Walsh steps on his chest harshly, keeping him down.

"If you let him go, I'll go willingly." She says.  _Yes I did. I couldn't leave you behind._ He hears instead. He hears it from the way her shoulders set in resignation, yet her eyes blazing with determination. "You let him go and never tell Gold about him." She says.

"And why would we want to make that type of deal?" Walsh asks, strolling back over to her. Killian notices how the gun remains pointed at him. "I'm sure Gold would love to meet your boyfriend here, perhaps just his head will do."

Emma took a step forward. "Because you and I both know that if I don't come willingly, there's no way you're getting me to come in at all." She practically snarls. "It's taken you months to find me and if you dare hurting this innocent person, I'll personally see to it that you spend the rest of your life hunting me."

Walsh doesn't flinch.

"Fine." He says, putting the gun away. "I won't hurt him."

He grabs Emma by the arm, turning her around to ziptie her hands behind her. "Jeff." He says when he's done. "Get our new friend here ready for travel." Killian can hear the sneer in his voice.

"Hey! We had a deal." Emma snaps.

"I won't hurt him, but we need some assurance you're going to behave yourself." Walsh snaps. "We'll let him go when we get to Gold, should be only a few days travel."

Killian's eyes go wide. That would mean leaving Alice, abandoning her. He can't. He won't.

"Walsh, we don't need him, Emma always keeps her word." Jefferson reminds him.

"Do I need to repeat myself?" Walsh snaps. "You're job here isn't to think." The man cowers slightly before going closer to him, dragging him up by his bound hands. He takes the opportunity, as soon as he's on his feet to kick Jefferson as hard as he can in the leg.

Jefferson yells loudly, but is able to keep his grip on his hands and forces him against the nearby wall.

"I'm sorry about this." The man says quietly. His mind turns to panic, he can't leave, he can't leave her.

"I'm sorry Killian, I'm so sorry." He hears Emma say. Walsh has her wrists bound and her weapon is kicked away.

_They're trapped._

"Where are you taking my Papa?" Says a small voice, all eyes turn towards her. "Are you the bad people who hurt Emma?"

Alice. His eyes go wide.

_No. no. no._

The two goons exchange a look. He thrashed wildly beneath the man's grasp, but he's held firm.

"Walsh, she's a kid we can't-" Jefferson tries.

"Do I look like I care?" He snaps, looking back towards Alice. "Go to your room little brat before I make you." Alice doesn't even flinch, her blue eyes just narrow in on his. They trail over him, analyzing.

"You hurt my Papa!" she says. "You  _are_ the bad men." Alice realizes. Killian knows he has to soothe her; he has to calm her down. He doesn't want her to do something they'll regret.

"Starfish, look at me, I'm ok. We're ok." He says. "This is just a misunderstanding." He tries to assure her. He moves to face her. It's extremely difficult from his position. He doesn't want Alice to do anything rash, anything that can't be taken back.

"I don't think this is a misunderstanding Papa." Alice says, glaring at Walsh. "I can hear it. He's a really bad man Papa. The Stars don't like him here." She reasons. "I don't like him here, this is our home and he's ruining it." Alice lifts her chin, places her hands on her hips. "I think he should go."

Emma looks at him with terror in her eyes. "Walsh, you can't hurt her, she's just a little kid." She reasons. "Just let her dad go and we'll go to Gold. I promise, I swear, just please let them go."

Walsh laughs, moving towards him, he can see Walsh push Emma to the ground roughly, "You think I'm going to be intimidated by some little kid? What is she going to do?" He laughs approaching her.

"You get away from her." Killian snaps. He pulls and pulls and just can't.

_He's too weak. He's not strong enough, he's not enough._

"Papa." Alice says coming a step closer, looking between them all. "I think I'm about to break my promise now." She says it like a question, a pleading look in her eyes. She isn't frazzled or scared like she should be. She's perfectly calm. Despite the man coming towards her, despite danger radiating off this whole situation.

She's perfectly calm. It reminds him of Eloise. It terrifies him, but it does.

He looks from Alice to the men, to Emma. He can't see a solution, a say out, a better option. He can't see a way out.

"Killian? What is she talking about?" Emma asks. She must see something in Alice, perhaps the way the air around her seems to tingle or the faint glowing beneath her palms.

Or perhaps she too can see the calm taking over his usually bright and happy little girl. Can feel how serious she is.

He doesn't respond to Emma, he just looks Alice dead in the eye.

"Ok." He says quietly. "Go ahead Starfish." He urges with a smile. "It's ok." He promises.

Then Alice grins.

He hears the gasps as Alice's hand glow bright now with sparkling light. Then he watches her glare at the men, his glare if he was being specific, he sees her flick her wrist and the men are thrown to the ground away from them.

"I told you, I think you should leave." Alice repeats. She waves her hands again and now they're thrown clean out of the lighthouse. "And don't you ever come back!" She shouts. The pair are sent away tumbling out of their control, away from them at an alarming speed. The energy swirling around her slowly starts ebbing away.

"What-" Emma starts looking between them.

Her question goes unanswered as the moment the men are out of sight, Alice collapses to the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on tumblr @LassLuna


	8. Chapter 8

_He got the call in the middle of the night. He doesn't even process the news at first. He just remembers getting dressed; he wears two different shoes and doesn't even remember the drive. He doesn't remember walking into the hospital, looking for the nurse who called him. He doesn't even remember her name._

_He found her quickly, and she gave him a sad smile when she caught sight of him. She asked his name, but he could tell she already knew who he was based on sight._

_She then led him to the room. It wasn't really a room, just a hallway. It was just a hallway with a window a window to a room with a bunch of different babies. They were all in different colored blankets, some blue, others pink. Some had names, others didn't._

_"There, second from the left." The nurse says. He sees her instantly. She's tiny and wrapped in a pink blanket. There was no name. "Would you like to go in? Do you want to hold her?" She asks. Killian nods._

_"And you said she just left? She had the baby and left?" Killian asks, following her into the room, processing it finally. He watches as the nurse picks up the tiny bundle in the pink blanket. The blanket looks too big for her if he's being honest. The nurse nods._

_"She gave us your name, and left." The nurse confirms. "I'm going to put her in your arms ok?" She asked. He nods. "There, just hold her like that." She adds._

She's so small. _Killian thinks. He never wants to put her down._  My daughter _._

_"Have you thought of a name? She needs a name." He shakes his head._

_"I didn't even know she was pregnant. I mean I did but she said she lost the baby. I shouldn't have believed her I-" He trailed off. He could see the sad look the nurse is giving him and he stops. "I don't know what to name her."_

_The nurse looked down at the baby; she was a little pink face sound asleep. "Some people like to name them after relatives who've shaped them." The nurse said softly. "I was named after my grandmother." Killian nodded. Liam was named after their grandfather, he was just a name his mother liked._

His mother.

_"My mother, her name was Alice and I always thought I'd name my daughter that." He admits. It had been a little fantasy of too long ago._

_"Alice is a good name." The nurse agrees. "Alice Jones." She repeats. He frowns when he hears it. It's missing something, he can feel it._

_"Can I ask, I know you told me before but, can I ask what your name is?" He asks the nurse. She smiles. "Matilda Honey." She introduces with a smile._

Matilda.

_He likes it. He looks down at the little baby._

Alice Matilda Jones. His daughter.

/

Emma is able to cut away the binds on his hands relatively easily. It allows him to scoop up his daughter in his grasp and hold her like she's an infant again.

It's what he did last time it happened. It's what he knows he has to do to help her right now.

_She shouldn't have had to over exert herself. He should have protected her!_ His mind screams at him, but he pushes it down. Killian needs to focus on Alice right now.

"Blanket." He utters in a stern sound. Her skin is chilled to the touch.

_It was colder last time._ He recalls, but she had been awake. She hadn't been well, but she'd been awake and shivering, completely numb to him.

Emma finds one surprisingly fast; helping him wrap her up in it. His hands are betraying him, shaking too badly to do it on his own. He feels sick from the panic creeping up on him.

"You're ok Alice. I promise, we're alright." He said, nestling her closer to him. He was never letting her go again.

"Let's get you both on the couch." Emma urges.

He blinks in confusion. He realizes they're right by the door, on the ground, Alice's head on his shoulder wrapped in a blanket.

_She's just so pale, so so pale. She shouldn't be that pale. Killian hadn't seen her so pale since-since._

Killian stops that line of thought immediately. He looks up at Emma nodding trying to get up but swaying badly with Alice in his arms. For a moment he worries he's going to drop her.

Emma however, rushes to steady him, her eyes frantic. "Easy there, you really have a bad bump." She comments, helping him get to the couch, helping him lay down with Alice on top of him. He could hear her breathing easier like this. It had been the only thing to help Alice last time, when she was between slow rasps and hyperventilation.

Her breaths were even and constant now. He wonders if it's because she's older now.

He wonders if this time it was her choice to use her powers.

"I really should take a look at that." Emma adds. Killian lifts a free hand to his face, feeling dried blood caked on his face. He wonders what a sight he makes, but he doesn't move. He can't. He won't.

"After." He says with a sigh. "When I know she's ok.

Emma nods in agreement. "Killian…" She says trailing off. Killian nods. It's time.

"I owe you a bit of an explanation don't I love?" He asks. He sees her give a slow nod.

"I already told you how Alice was abandoned by her mother, I was furious with her because Alice, my Alice is the most brilliant soul I've ever encountered. Except one day I realized exactly how brilliant…"

/

_Killian swore his three year old must be the happiest little girl in the entire world._

_She was all blonde hair and bright clothing and an absolute wild child. She got into things she shouldn't like the pantry, and the attic, he didn't even realize the house he was renting_ had  _an attic until Alice found it._

_The best part of all, she couldn't stop talking._

_To be fair, it was a mixture of talking and babbling, he knew but no matter what he says she's always laughing. It made him smile knowing how happy she seems, and smiling always made her dissolve into a fit of laughter._

_Alice was the happiest three year old he knew, and he loved her for it._

_"Uncle Liam?" She asked the moment she woke up. Killian smirked._

_His little girl is even happier knowing her favorite uncle was going to be visiting for her birthday. "Liam!" He exclaims again. Killian grinned scooping her up out of her crib._

_"Not till you're dressed Starfish." He tells her, pressing a kiss on the top of her head. She smirked and lets him take her hand to her closet._

_"Stars say Uncle Liam has to come!" She insisted. "Has to! Has to!" He nodded._

_Liam was currently on his way, last Killian heard. He was supposed to get there in a few hours, which meant if Killian knew his brother, then he was probably a few minutes out._

_"He will, he will." He insisted, finishing getting her dressed, turning her around to brush her crazy blonde hair. She's dressed in her favorite blue dress. She wanted to be a princess on her fourth birthday._

_"Are you excited for your birthday?" She nodded. He'd planned a small gathering of some friends of his, his partner at the station, Liam, and a few friends Alice had made at daycare._

_Alice was going to love it._

_He could already hear the door knocking, hours before anyone should be here._

_"Li-am!" Alice shouts, running to the door. Killian did in fact know his brother._

It also has to do with the reminder every year of Eloise, of how she abandoned her daughter.  _Killian thought, it was a fact only Liam truly understood._

_"Alice!" He called after her. He could hear her tiny feet running to the door._

_"Papa!" she called back. "It's Liam!"_

_He snickered, picking up his little princess in his arm, opening the door with the other._

_"There's my favorite niece!" Liam says, a large gift in his arms._

_It's a princess castle with a billion pieces that are going to drive him bonkers. It's a typical Liam present. "Papa!" Alice insists, her hands reaching for her uncle. "I told you it was Liam!"_

_Killian smirked, "Yes, yes, you were right, who else would show up so early?" He says, glancing at Liam. His brother rolled his eyes._

_"Early is on time little brother have I taught you nothing?"_

_Killian snickered. "Younger brother." He replied as he reluctantly trades Alice for the large present._

_The moment she was in Liam's arms Alice started talking his ear off about everything and anything she could think about since Liam's last visit a few months ago._

_Mostly she talked about the Stars; a new imaginary friend who had appeared within the last few weeks._

_All the parenting books said it was perfectly normal. He went to the kitchen, making sure everything was ready for the party, the cake was in the fridge, the pizza was on its way, everything he needed was-_

_Suddenly Alice started crying. He stopped what he was doing immediately, going to see what was wrong. Liam was doing his best to comfort her. It didn't look to be working._

_Her face was red, tears were streaming and she was practically wailing._

_"What's wrong Starfish?" He asks. She reaches for him, sobbing loudly and nonstop. He could hear a 'Papa' amidst her distress. Liam was looking at him with a star struck expression. "Everything is ok." He tried to assure her, rocking her, soothing her in all the ways he'd learned how._

_However this time, nothing was working._

_Killian looked to Liam for some sort of clue as to what was wrong. He shook his head._

_"She was fine one minute and then sobbing the next. I don't know Killian, did I do something?" It just made her sob louder._

_"Al, please, just tell me what's wrong." He tried again. "Are you hurt?" Nothing was working. He tried for a little while longer, tried giving her sweets playing music, reading, telling jokes, nothing worked. "Come on Al, use your words." She wasn't hungry, or tired, she should be fine._

_But Alice didn't stop crying, her sobs were slowly morphing into screams. He didn't understand. He was beginning to panic._

Something was wrong _, it had to be. Killian couldn't see any other explanation._ Something was wrong with his Starfish.

_Seeing no other thing to do, Killian and Liam rushed Alice into the emergency room. By his point he was frantic. Something was terribly wrong with his baby girl._

_He had a dozen different diagnoses via google as Liam drove. Each worse than the last. Killian didn't know what he'd do if he lost his baby._

_Nurse Honey was on staff yet again, and the moment he saw her, Killian went directly to the young nurse with his daughter. He begged her to help._

_She smiled reassuringly at him, taking Alice from him and beginning her examination._

_Except something miraculous happened. Alice stopped crying, she just stopped without a warning. Her screaming stopped, she started sniffling but that was it. She just gazed up at Killian with her big blue eyes._

_"They told me to." She says as explanation. But Killian doesn't understand. "Who told you to?" He asked. "Alice, you're scaring me sweetie, what's wrong?"_

_He'd brought in a perfectly healthy almost four year old daughter for no reason, yet he was more scared than ever. "They told me it was the only way." He still didn't understand. Was a stranger talking to his Alice?_

_However, just as the nurse handed Alice back to him Liam who was standing beside him through this, dropped to the ground, clutching his chest in obvious distress._

_He called his brother's name out once, in sudden shock, first his daughter then Liam._

_He blinked, watching in a stunned trance as doctors and nurses rush around Liam's crumbled form. He clings to his daughter as they resuscitate his older brother and bring him into some other room._

_He watches in this trance, clutching his baby, as they both see the doctors eventually bring Liam back._

Heart attack. _They tell him. An u_ ndiagnosed heart murmur. Would have died.

_His brother would have died had they not been in the hospital. If it hadn't been for Alice's crying. Something she stopped the moment they found a nurse to help._

_He wondered if it's just a miracle, or a coincidence._

_"Alice?" He asked "Why were you so upset?"_

_She replied very calmly with wide blue eyes. "Uncle Liam." She says. "I didn't want him to die."_

_Killian blinked. He didn't understand. Nothing was making sense anymore and he wondered if it ever would. "Why did you think Liam would die?" He asked. A part of him didn't want to know the answer. A part of him wanted to believe that nothing unexplainable had happened today._

_She looks over his shoulder, focusing on nothing. "They told me. The Stars."_

/

"So these Stars she talks about? They're real?" Emma asks, eyes wide.

Killian wonders what she's thinking how she's processing these things. He wonders if now she understands his secrecy, why he couldn't tell her everything. He had to protect Alice.

Killian shakes his head. "I don't know." He replies honestly. "I don't know what she hears or what she feels but usually, when it's this…gift she has making her know things, believe things, she calls them the Stars. That they're showing her or telling her how to do these things…" He trails off. Honestly he doesn't know how else to explain it. "I thought it was a coincidence, made the doctors give her every test, ever brain scan to make sure it wasn't a tumor or something. But she's perfectly healthy, perfectly normal."

_Except she can do things, know things, sense things._

Killian is staring at Emma. He could practically hear her thinking. He assumes she has a million questions about this, about what she can do, what she did, perhaps how to get as far away from here as possible.

"How did you deal with this on your own?" Emma asks. " I know being a single dad is hard enough."

Emma like usual caught him by surprise.

/

_Killian slowly realized that Alice's Stars' weren't some imaginary friend she had. It was different they didn't need a seat at the table; they weren't stepped on or had a favorite color._

_"They're everywhere Papa." She insists as she colors. "They don't color." She says it like it was obvious._

_He read the parenting books, all of them, they had explanations for that, they were long winded and eccentric, but they were there._

_They don't explain the flashes of the lights when Alice gets upset. They don't explain the sparkle in the air and the appearance of toys and sweets he would take away from her._

_That's in none of the parenting books, he knows, he's read all of them. He debates telling her doctor, but doesn't. He just tells Liam._

_His brother doesn't believe him until he sees her teleport a book from a high bookshelf into her hands with a flash of sparkles._

_They promise never to tell a soul. Liam moves in with them right afterwards._

_They promise to protect Alice and never tell a soul about how special she is. People wouldn't understand, they'd take her away from them. They couldn't let that happen._

_When it comes of age to get Alice into school, the brothers sit her down to talk to her. They tell her about her powers, her gifts how she can't use them at school. Alice doesn't understand at first, she doesn't get what they mean._

_"Alice, you have to promise me that you can't use your powers in front of anyone." Her eyes widen. "You have to promise me Alice."_

_She doesn't understand at first. So he has to explain it to her. He has to explain how the things she can do, no one else can, that when people see something they don't understand, they don't react the kindest._

_She nods. "I promise Papa." She says. "I won't do anything bad."_

_Killian hates that she thinks of it like that, hates that a part of her is 'bad'._

It's not. Nothing about his baby girl was bad.

_But it'll keep her 'normal' at school. It'll keep her safe. When she's home she can do whatever she wants, blow all the lightbulbs in the house a dozen times. But at school she has to be normal._

_She's in school a few weeks when Alice's teacher calls him to pick her up._

_"I knew this was a bad idea." Liam tells him as they drive to get her. "Who needs Preschool, you never went to preschool." He's panicking just as bad as he is._

_"It could be nothing." Killian tries._

_"She could have turned the teacher's hair blue; you know how much she loves blue."_

_She's sitting in the principal's office when they arrive, a bundle of Jones brother energy demanding to know what's wrong with Alice._

_"She attacked a girl in her class." The teacher explains gently._

_"Is it that Ivy girl?" Liam demanded. "She's been making Alice miserable for weeks."_

_It is Ivy, and according to Alice she deserved it._

_"She was calling me crazy." A crying Alice admitted. "You always tell me to stand up for myself so I did."_

_Liam is glaring in the direction of Ivy and her mother, Killian is too busy comforting his daughter._

_"I heard the Stars talking to me and I was talking back. Ivy saw me and she started laughing. She was calling me crazy Alice"_

_He shakes his head. "That's not nice of her." He agrees. "And you're not crazy Starfish." He insists. "But maybe a little bit mad." He says with a teasing look. "And that's ok; all the best people in this world are mad Alice." It makes her smile._

_"So being a little bit mad is good?" He nods._

_"You're perfect Al. You're absolutely perfect."_

/

"Is this why you're here? Because someone found out?" Emma asks. "Because someone knew what Alice can do and wanted to take her?" She asks.

Killian nods. "But it's more complicated than that." He insists.

It's so much more complicated. But he wants to tell her everything. He looks at her, the way she's calmly listening to his words. He trusts her. Killian believes she won't do anything to hurt Alice.

Suddenly he wants to lay it all out for her. He wants to tell her everything.

"We were so careful; Alice only used her powers at home when either myself or my brother were home with her. She was enjoying school, she made friends and had a life and was so happy Swan." He insists. "I thought everything would be ok." He really did. He thought nothing bad could harm them.

"And then something changed that." Emma realized. Killian nodded.

"That something was Eloise, Alice's mother."

/

_She knocks on the door moments after Alice blows out her candle. He thinks it's the pizza. He doesn't expect anything else._

_He opens the door, with the sound of Liam rallying Alice's class—or the little pirates as he's calling them- into the backyard._

_"Hello Killian, can I come in?" Eloise asks. Killian is stunned._

_"What the hell are you doing here?" He asks after a moment. It feels like he's in a dream, a nightmare. She looks the same as she did more than five years ago._

_He could still see the darkness, still feel it radiating off of her, back then he'd craved that darkness. Now he wanted it gone._

_"I can't say happy birthday to my own daughter?" She asks with a look. It breaks him out of his trance. It fuels his anger._

How dare she show up here now; how dare she show up and pretend to care.

_"Not someone who abandoned her. Not someone who never even asked if I ever found her." He snaps. Anger held back bubbling to the surface._

_"I knew you would take care of her, but now I'm here, a girl needs her mother."_

_He wants to shout, he wants to scream, he wants her out of here. She had nearly destroyed his life, dragging him further into darkness. She's not Alice's mother. She was just the egg donner to his beautiful daughter._

_He won't let her darkness anywhere near Alice._

_"She doesn't need you." He snapped, ready to close the door in her face._

_"And you think you; a single father with a drinking problem can handle our special little girl?" She countered; a gleam in her face. He hates that she mention who he used to be, he hasn't drank a drop since he left her, since he got the call from the nurse 5 years ago today._

_"You have no idea how special Alice is." Killian says. "Now leave or I'll call the cops and have you arrested for trespassing."_

_But then she smirks at him. "Do you really think I'd be here today if I didn't know how special my child is?" She asks._

She knew. _Killian realizes, replaying her words._  She knows what Alice can do.

_He has a million questions for her, how she knows if Eloise could do things too. "We're fine on our own." He states, actually closing the door. That is until he hears a sound behind him._

_"Papa? Who's that?" Alice asked. Killian blocks the door._

_"No one Starfish." He insists. "No one that matters."_

_But Alice didn't look convinced. "Is it my mother?" She asks in a soft voice, blue eyes big and wide. He felt all the color drain from his face, unable to lie to her, but unable to say anything at all. "Don't be mad Papa. Please don't be mad."_

_Killian shakes his head. "I'm not mad." He insists. "Why would I be mad?" She looks past him at her. He can feel the self-satisfied grin on Eloise's face without looking at it._

_"For my birthday, I wished I had a mom." She said in a soft voice. "I wanted a mom more than anything."_

_It breaks his heart that he can't be enough, that the one thing she wants is her, and he wants to keep her from it. But he knows Eloise, he knows the lies she spews, how she claims to be motherly, but in reality she's just a witch._

_Killian knows the effects of a toxic parent on a child, he knows that this can never end well, but doesn't he owe it to Alice to try?_

No.  _His gut screams._ Eloise is only going to hurt her.

_But at the same time, Eloise is the only one who might understand Alice's growing powers._

_With a picture of calm, Killian turns around defeated._

_"Why don't you come inside?"_

/

"Papa?" He leans up, looking down at Alice. Her eyes are open. A dozen thoughts run through his head as he straightens, letting his grip on her loosen "I'm hungry." She says after a moment. It takes him aback, "Can we have marmalade sandwiches?" She adds with a pleading look.

Killian pauses, before he eventually laughs at his daughter, here he was going absolutely insane with worry if she was alright when she was more than alright.

She was Alice his one of a kind starfish. He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was going to be just fine.

"Of course sweetie. How are you feeling?" He asks as Alice slowly begins to untangle herself.

"Sleepy." She admits. "But I stopped the bad men from hurting you or Emma." She says certainly. "I made them go away and-" She's cut off as her eyes narrow briefly and then go wide. "Papa you're bleeding!" She exclaims. "They  _did_  hurt you!" She exclaims. He can already see the buzz of power around her. Quickly he shakes his head, holding her hands in his.

"I'm fine Starfish, just worried about you." He insists. "There's no need to be upset, we're fine, we're still together and that's all that matters right.

"But you're hurt." She insists. "There's blood." She adds.

Killian has no idea how bad he looks, so he gives his best smile. "It's just a cut Starfish, how about I go clean up and you can start with the sandwiches." He asks.

Alice doesn't look too pleased but she moves off of him. He moves off the couch, intent on going to his room to find the first aid kit. However, when he moves to stand, his vision swims and he feels himself stumble.

"Papa!" Alice exclaims loudly, when he feels something rights his swaying form.

"Easy there." Emma says softly in his ear. "How about I clean your dad up and you go get started on the food." Alice nods in understanding. So Killian is left leaning against Emma as she gets him back ito his room. She helps him sit on the bed and turns on a light.

"I'm fine you know." He says once the door is shut, "None of this is needed." He sees Emma roll her eyes.

"None of this? Like helping you get here? Cleaning you up so you don't further tramatize your daughter?" Emma asks.

"I don't look that bad." Another Emma Swan eye roll.

"Your bleeding a lot." Emma says. "Where's the first aid kit?" She asks.

"Bathroom." He replies. Emma disappears briefly returning with the kit and a few wet hand towels. He watches her open the kit besides him as she keeps the towels in her hands. "You seem calm." He notes.

"Not my first time cleaning up an injury." She replies.

"I'm not talking about that." He replies. Emma knows exactly what he's referring to.

"Close your eyes." Emma says softly. He does so, feeling the towel pressed against his head, it's warm and starts to soothe the ache in his head. He practically hums in relief. "Feels better doesn't it." He wants to nod but he'd prefer not to move, completely concentrating on the feeling of warmth as Emma stops the bleeding.

"I usually run away." Emma says. "It's what I do when the going gets tough, because if I leave first it doesn't hurt as bad." He can practically see her face in his mind's eye. Her words sad, but her face calm and hopeful. "I don't want to run from you Killian, you or Alice. I want to stay."

He can't help the gasp that escapes his lips, his eyes snap open.

"Emma?" He asks, he looks up at her. "You want to stay?" He repeats.

Her cheeks turn red as she pulls her hands away, looking nervous.

"I mean if I can, if you want, I don't want to impose but-"

He doesn't hesitate; he stands, and pulls her towards him capturing her lips with his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are FINALLY all caught up here! So excited to be back on track, now all I have to do is finish the next chapter... (Reviews help me finish faster lol)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Child abduction-ish. It's from a school and only describes the discovery of the abduction. Super not graphic, but if that upsets you, skip the first break where everything turns italic.

He wants to keep kissing her. If it was up to him, he’d keep kissing her. He’d pause this moment and live in it. He’d live in the thought of Emma _staying._ Of finally, _finally_ , not being alone.

However, like all good things, it comes to an end. They break apart, but Killian has his hands on her still, one on her face, brushing her smooth skin the other on her back, just holding her close.

“I guess that means you’re cool with a new roommate?” Emma says a light smirk on her face. A part of him wants to kiss her again. He doesn’t. He restrains himself. He knows that words are more appropriate.

“Aye love. Of course you can stay.” He insists. Because he wants her to. He knows Alice would love it if her new friend could stay with them.

However, questions begin forming in the back of his head. Questions he doesn’t want to ask, he doesn’t want to dwell on. Questions he pushed back because the answers did not matter if Emma was going to leave.

Answers that did matter if she was going to _stay._

_Why does she want to stay? Just before she spoke about returning to civilization, now she’s ready to give it all up? Now that she knows about Alice she’s willing to give it all up?_

_Speaking of Alice, she doesn’t seem freaked out, she almost seems relieved._

 “Killian? Are you alright?” He forces a grin, quieting the doubt in the back of his head. It doesn’t matter.

“Of course, just trying to think how this will work.” He admits. “Especially with Alice.”

Emma nods in understanding. “However you want Killian, you know I’ll follow your lead when it comes to her.” He does, he knows Emma has been nothing but understanding and patient when it comes to Alice.

He wonders if it’s from experience, or if someone she was close to had a child, or if she herself had ever considered…

He suddenly counts the things he knows about Emma Swan. He looks for the things he should know about a person before asking them to move in with him.

He finds himself coming up short. But that’s understandable; they haven’t known each other very long. This wasn’t a traditional relationship, if that was even what they had.

He didn’t even know what to call this thing between them.

Killian knows that this wasn’t a normal situation, but he didn’t exactly know where he stood with Emma.

Killian was beginning to wonder if he knew Emma at all.

“You keep getting that panicky sort of look.” Emma says again, this time her face is concentrating on him, a frown creasing her features.

“Emma…”He starts. However, he’s interrupted by the sound of the door opening, Alice’s head peeking in.

“Papa, I made the sandwiches, but I can’t cut them in half because you said I’m not allowed to touch the knives.” He nods, pleased Alice followed his directions.

“Alright, I’m coming.” He says, but Emma grabs his arm

“Sorry, forgot to put the band aids on. Give me another sec?” Emma says quickly, slapping on the bandages before he can even blink.

He watches her practically flee the room with a sort of star struck expression.

The question of if he truly knows Emma Swan hangs in his thoughts longer than he’d like to admit.

//

_He showed up to Alice’s kindergarten a little earlier than he usually does, a brand new toy tucked under his arm. It was a big plush bird, a robin he thinks. His partner had picked up his shift so he could spend a bit more quality time with his daughter that day._

_(Weaver knew the new ‘visitation’ schedule he’d set up with Eloise had been really cutting in on their already limited father daughter time. Killian appreciated the older man’s understanding of the situation, having had similar custody issues himself.)_

_He arrived at the desk to sign out his Alice as usual._

_However, the receptionist, a young woman named Ella looked at him with confusion. “Alice was already picked up.” She informed him._

_Something cold settled in his gut. “Someone else…Liam? Did he pick her up again without telling me?” He asked, grabbing his phone to call his brother. He’d spoken to Liam about this before. He was probably taking her out sailing again and-_

_“Her mother picked her up.” Ella insisted._

_He could feel panic settling deeper in his chest. He could feel his entire world becoming very, very cold. “She wasn’t on the list.” He retorted. “Her mother isn’t allowed to pick her up!” He nearly yelled. What was the point of all that god damn paper work if they weren’t following the bloody rules?_

_“She said you’ve been meaning to put her on the list and that you weren’t going to be available to pick her up. Alice confirmed she was her mother and-” She trailed off, but Killian couldn’t hear her anymore. He dialed Eloise’s number. It didn’t even ring before going straight to voicemail._

_“Bloody hell Eloise. You had no right to pick her up!” He shouted into the machine. “I’m on my way right now to get her. You better be home or so help me-” He couldn’t even fathom what he’d do then. Last time Eloise had made his daughter cry, and that was with him right there, he could only imagine what could happen who knows where-_

_“Mr. Jones, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know. I can call the police, or-“ He didn’t stand and listen._

_“I_ am _the bloody police. Do what you want; I’m going to find my daughter.”_

_He doesn’t find her in the quant little apartment Eloise had listed as her address, it turned out she’d never lived there at all. A man there said he kept getting mail for an Eloise Gardner and just assumed it was the previous tenant._

_He finds her far from town in the middle of nowhere, a place where cell reception is spotty and he has to find his way there with an old map. The map he had from the days he lived there with her out in the middle of nowhere._

_When Killian had been a part of her cult, coven or_ whatever _it was. He still didn’t know after all this time._

_Her followers, women of various ages, all dressed in different colored robes stared at him, like he’s an intruder._

_“Eloise!” He roared when he gets there. “Where is she?” No one moved. “Where’s my daughter!” He shouted, trying to shove his way through the crowd. The wooden cabin he lived with Eloise is still standing, looking exactly the same as it did more than 5 years ago._

_They don’t move blocking his movement towards it. In fact they grab at him, holding him still._

_“Eloise!” He shouted again. She comes out of the cabin, a smirk painted on her face, looking like she’s won some game._

_“Jones, a pleasure for you to join us.” Her tone made his insides squirm._

_“Where’s Alice?” He demanded. She smirked._

_“She’s with her sisters, people like her.” He glanced at the woman, far more than there were last time he was here. “She’s going to do so well tonight.” Eloise continued._

_“Tonight?” He repeated. “What the hell do you have planned Eloise.”_

_Her grin fades, morphing to anger. “None of your concerned Killian. And the name is Gothel now, Mother Gothel.”_

_He looks back at her, except it’s not Eloise looking back at him._

_It’s Emma._

_//_

Killian startles awake in a gasp. Something moves in his vision and he jolts away, he thinks he can hear something but it’s drowned out by the sound of his heart beating in his ears.

“…Killian. It’s ok, it’s just me.” He eventually hears. He blinks seeing Emma crotched in front of him, a hand on his arm and a smile on her face.

 It’s supposed to be soothing, but all he can see is Elouise. It makes him jolt out of her grasp.

_It’s just a dream._ He tries to remind himself. _It’s over, Alice is safe._ He repeats, trying to calm his rapid pulse.

_Alice._

Killian’s head jolts up, still disoriented, but he immediately looks for her anyway.

She’s there, only a few feet behind Emma with a worried expression on her face. “Are you alright Papa?” She says when their eyes meet.

Killian can’t get his voice to work yet, so instead he just nods. It doesn’t soothe the expression on Alice’s face, so his daughter immediately goes towards him and offers him a hug. He assumes it’s because that’s the first thing he does to comfort Alice.

It helps. “I’m alright Starfish. Just a little disoriented. And tired.” He admits.

“Do you want to talk about it Papa? You always say that talking about it helps.” Alice offers. He smirks at her.

“Perhaps in a little while Al.” He says instead, he looks around, noticing how dark it’s gotten.   
How long have I been asleep?” He asks. He recalled having dinner with Alice and Emma, Alice wanted to read a book and he had been reading, Emma perched in a chair, but he doesn’t remember stopping.

“You fell asleep Papa. Emma thought it was good to let you rest so I went and did some coloring as Emma cleaned up. I fed my rabbits with Emma watching me, Mr. Rabbit likes her Papa, he let her feed him.” She rambles off, bringing a smile to his face seeing her talking nonstop like usual. It made him feel like everything was back to normal.

(Shouldn’t it be?)

He glances at Emma, she seems so calm, so content, like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders and he just wonders.

_Does he really know Emma Swan? She claims to be a horrible person, could she be right?_

_He never saw Eloise coming; she’d pulled the wool right over his eyes so easily. Pretending to be this helpless flower when really…he’d been playing right into her hands._

_Is it happening again?_

Emma had protected Alice, she had taken his daughter out of harm’s way like he asked of her.

_A danger that was her doing. Had Alice been unable to do the things she could do they’d be certainly dead._

_Was Killian a fool?_

He didn’t feel like this before, before Emma asked to stay. He wondered why, he wondered if it was because the moment Eloise asked him to run away with her Eloise’s true personality came out.

What if the same thing happened?

“Papa, I’m getting tired.” Alice announces; her eyes are trained on him. It breaks him out of his conflicting thoughts. He smiles tiredly at her. _He’s so tired_.

“I think it’s time for bedtime then Starfish.” Killian states. He’s glad she seems so eager. Killian would be a bit suspicious over her willingness, but he was too tired for it. He watches her move swiftly in the bathroom brushing her teeth, and going upstairs to get her pajamas on.

He moves to go tuck her in when Emma stops him.

“Can we talk after?” She asks in a quiet voice. He nods. Killian definitely has things he needs to say to her, ask her, he needs answers if this is going to work.

_He needs to ask if this is just a trick; that the second she’s here to stay she’d turn into Eloise._

Killian knows he’s being ridiculous.

“Ok Papa I’m ready, but you have to read me another story.” Alice negotiates from upstairs.

Killian smiles and rolls his eyes before heading upstairs. Alice is already crawled into bed when he finds her, a book in her lap.

“What should it be tonight Starfish?” It’s _Peter Pan_ , she loves this book simply because she thinks he makes the best Captain Hook voice ever.

The book is short and sweet, and it’s a relaxing break from all the chaos of the last few days.

“Good night Starfish.” He says as he finishes, kissing her on the top of the head.

“It’s ok Papa, you don’t have to worry.” She says as he does so. He looks at her intently. She has that knowing look on her face. “We can trust her, she’s just like me,” She says holding his hand. Alice gives it a light squeeze. “She can hear the stars. She’s just like me.” she repeats, a look of wonder on her face. Killian looks down at her. His little girl, his Starfish, and isn’t sure. He still isn’t sure if rescuing Emma Swan is the best thing he’s ever done, or their undoing.

But he hopes it’s good, he hopes Emma is all Alice thinks she is, he hopes and hopes, more than anything he’s ever hoped for. He doesn’t want Alice to be disappointed, not again, his little girl deserves this bit of happiness.

(And perhaps so does he. Perhaps all this doubt in his chest has nothing to do with Emma and everything to do with himself.)

//

He goes down stairs, expecting Emma to be sitting in the same spot he left her in.

Except she’s not. She’s standing in the kitchen looking over a pot, a rather large pot, stirring it slowly.

She’s also dressed differently, he recognizes his shirt, it’s long and red and plaid and tied tightly against her. While it’s not the first time he’s stolen his clothing, he’s been giving her his shirts to change into, something about this feels intentional.

Perhaps it’s the way she’s left one button undone so he can see a bit more then he usually does, perhaps it’s the way the shirt is long enough just to cover her curves, but only just. Perhaps it’s the way looking at her takes his breath away.

He imagines going right up behind her, pressing himself against her from behind, his hand reaching under her shirt—his shirt—and grabbing at her curves. He wonders if that would make her make a sound for him. Perhaps it would make her make a flirty remark.

He _knows_ she’ll make a sound if he nipped a bit at the skin on her neck. Kissing it, biting it, _sucking it_ and _-_

“Killian?” She breaks him out of his stupor. He blinks watching her curious look turn to a very knowing smirk. His cheeks flush with embarrassment. “Do you like my shirt?” She teases.

“You look-“ He can’t even finish it.

“I know.” She replies. “Is this ok? I just- I just thought I could do something nice after everything.” He admits, ducking her head a bit. “I thought we could celebrate a little.” She adds.

“You look delectable Swan.” He says, flashing a grin. “But there are some things we need to talk about first Emma.” He insists. The pot on the stove starts bubbling, distracting him. “What are you making there?”

She moves aside showing him.

“Hot chocolate.” She announces. “I usually like the little packet, but I found some stuff that I think can help make it from scratch. It’s probably silly.” She says quickly. She brushes blonde hair out of her face, revealing pink cheeks. “It’s really the only thing anyone taught me how to make. So I thought that it would be nice for us to have tonight and then maybe Alice could have some in the morning?”

He watches her speak, watches the light in her eyes and the joy on her face. She’s real. She’s here and she’s good. He can feel it in his bones, in his very soul.

All this doubt was just stupid, it was _Emma_ after all.

“It’s stupid isn’t it?” She asks with a sigh. “I can stop really and-“ Killian shakes his head, turning her to look at him.

“It’s sweet. I’m just…” He trails off. “I want to ask you more about everything.” He admits. “I want to hear about your beginnings, how you ended up here, if…” He trails off again. He can’t seem to formulate a coherent thought.

(And it’s not because she’s in his shirt)

“If you can trust me.” She finishes. She looks hurt as she pulls away.

“I do trust you Swan.” He insists. “But I have Alice. I can’t…I can’t afford to be wrong about you.” He admits.

She hesitates, Emma’s eyes never leave his but he feel her thinking.

“What do you want to know?” She says solemnly.

“I want the truth.” He says. “I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me this is real, that you’re not playing me, that you’re not going to use Alice that-“ She cuts him off with a kiss, pulling him down to her level, her hands pulling roughly into his hair.

He feels everything, wants everything in that moment. He wants her, he wants it all, he wants to trust her, believe in her so badly.

She breaks it off, leaving him stunned.

“They thought I killed the sheriff.” She says breathlessly. “They thought I killed him. He died in my arms, it wasn’t my fault, I swear it, he just died and they thought it was me.” Her eyes are sad and haunted. He wants her to stop. He doesn’t want to know if it does that to her face. “Someone promised to protect me, they said they understood me but they needed my help with something, I stole medicine from a dying woman, but I didn’t know that. I swear Killian I didn’t know. Her husband saw me, he _knew me._ I didn’t realize it; I didn’t know how bad he was. He sent Walsh and Jefferson after me. He wanted me dead for what I did. They cornered me and then I wound up here.”   She says, tears building up. “I deserved it. The towns people are right, I destroy everything I touch Killian. Everyone I care about dies or leaves.” She says sadly, pulling away further from him.

He chases her, not letting her bottle up the pain again. She lets him; he cups her cheek as she leans into his embrace. “I’m so sorry love.” He didn’t want to hurt her. He doesn’t ever want her to be hurt. “I’m not going anywhere love; I didn’t mean to hurt you I just had to know.” He says. She nods into his hand.  She doesn’t look at him. She just presses against him. “Swan, I never thought I’d get over my first love, my Milah, that is until I met you. And the wounds from Alice’s mother are still open, still sensitive to the touch, sometimes I feel like I’ve let them heal a bit and then I do something and they open up again.”

She looks at him, really looks at him and then she kisses him again.

It’s slower this time, gentler, like she understands what he’s trying to tell her, like she’s trying to tell him the same thing but can’t.

She moves then, he’s about to protest, wanting to keep kissing her, keep feeling her lips keep feeling like this forever, when her lips find a place under his jaw, with more force.

It’s Killian that makes the sound as she sucks and nips at a spot. He finds himself pinned to a cabinet as she moves oh so slowly along his chin then his neck. He feels fire in ever nerve of his body, especially when her hands slip beneath his shirt. He can see her smirk as he says her name.

“Swan” He sighs again. His hands start doing their own exploring pulling her closer, finding the end of the shirt and then finding and grabbing her ass. He spots her rolling her eyes at that. She gasps when his hands graze over her inner thighs. “Oh Emma.” He says. “If we’re going to continue this…and I hope you want to continue…” He trails off.

“Bedroom.” She says quickly and certainly. “I mean if you want.” She adds quickly. “If you have….” She says trailing off.

“I do.” He says quickly. It had been a joke on Liam’s part, a joke he now very much appreciated.

Killian grins widely, kissing her again, and pulling her into his arms, his own wrapped around her, keeping her secured to him, her legs locked around his waist.

He walks them both into his room, dropping her onto his bed. She’s smiling at that, something wild and seductive and _happy._

“You have no idea how much I want Swan. How much I’ve wanted you.” She laughs at that.

The hot chocolate sits cold on the stove, but Killian could hardly care.

//

_“You’re just as handsome asleep as you are awake.”_ He hears in the night. He’s warm laying out flat, her head was on the crook of his arm. Killian isn’t entirely sure he isn’t dreaming.

_“You’ve been so wonderful to me Killian, so understanding and loving and…you understand me. No one else has ever understood me. Maybe it’s because of Alice, or maybe we’re just kindred spirits or something…”_ He doesn’t understand, he wants to, but doesn’t. He’s too tired to even open his eyes.

“ _I think I’m falling for you Killian, or maybe I already did, you and your kid. It’s been a little over a week and I can’t imagine living in a world you’re not in. There are still so many things we don’t know, but I know that I can’t let anything happen to you.”_

He feels a hand on his chest, it’s warm and soft. He wants to pull her close, hold her and protect her but she doesn’t let him.

“ _I’m going to protect you Killian. No matter what.”_ She says confidently.

The hand feels warm on his chest uncomfortably warm, he tries to pull away but he can’t. She shushes him, a comforting sound urging him to stay asleep.

Killian wonders if it’s a dream.

_“Goodnight Killian, I just hope in the morning I’ll have the courage to tell you the truth. Just know that what I’m doing is for the best of all of us.”_ She assures him. _“Especially Alice.”_

He believes her. Especially as she settles back into his arms.

Upon morning Killian barely remembers his strange dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my only experience with the school system is being the child, so I know that the abduction scene is probably not very likely, but I imagine Eloise able to talk her way into getting her way when someone is not expecting someone like her.   
> Also, I hope Killian's worry isn't too sudden. I thought it was a bit and tried to talk about the thoughts going through his head. We're starting to get to some interesting parts of the story.   
> Reviews fuel me.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, real life literally has been killing me, hope you like the chapter. Things get...interesting from here on out.

It’s sunny that next day. The air is warm and there’s this lightness in his soul, all of their souls. He feels like a weight has been lifted from him.

Maybe it’s the fact that they had hot chocolate for breakfast. Maybe it’s the look of joy on Alice’s face at the wondrous sweet treat. Instead of a healthy breakfast.

“Not as good as marmalade.” Alice points out, he eyes are narrowed like she’s thinking critically. “But it’s still really good.” She confirms a small chocolate mustache on her face.

He smiles at her, taking a big sip, ensuring he has one to match.

“Someone’s in a good mood.” Emma states with a knowing smirk. He returns it.

“You know why Swan.” He replies evenly.

“I want to know why!” Alice exclaims from her seat.

Both the adults blush and look away.

He knows it’s because of Emma. He knows he feels _whole_ for the first time. He wants to do something; he wants to continue this feeling, this bliss.

“Let’s go to the beach.” He announces with a grin.

It had been a while since they did that, it was something he reserved for special occasions or days when he knew Alice needed to get out of her own head. Today seems like a good day.

Killian knows he’s made the right decision when his girl squeals with glee. She practically leaps from her seat.

“Really Papa?” She asks, she’s practically jumping up and down. He nods.

“Go get into your swimsuit Starfish.” He tells her, “I’ll finish cleaning up and then I’ll get ready myself.” Alice doesn’t need to be told twice as she bolts up the stairs.

“Swimming huh?” Emma asks, standing to help him. He nods. “Have anything for me to wear?” She asks with a smirk.

_Bloody hell._

“Well I don’t have a red bikini in my drawers love.” He says with a chuckle. “But perhaps you can find something to make do?”

She laughs. “I’m kidding. I definitely want to take a swim though.” She concludes. “This should be fun.” Emma says.

It doesn’t take long for their little group to get ready; Alice is dressed in her light blue one piece with a pink skirt and clouds painted on her suit. Emma seemed to have found an old shirt with the sleeves cut off and shorts that seemed to fit her better than some of the sweats. He himself in some swim trunks and a plain white T shirt.

“So how exactly does this work?” Emma asks, hand in his. Killian can see the healing scar on her leg but it appears not to be bothering her much.

“Swimming?” Killian replies. Emma rolls her eyes. She doesn’t have time to clarify as Alice is busy bouncing around grabbing Emma’s other hand and pulling her out the door, talking a mile a minute about all the things she loves about the beach. Emma laughs, letting go of him to follow Alice out the door.

It makes him smile to see how happy Alice is. Killian, carrying towels and a few snacks, trails behind the girls. He wonders if that’s how it’ll always be.

He wonders what Liam will think of Emma. Killian already knows Liam would be suspicious of her. He’s much more of a sceptic than Killian. He thinks Liam would warm up to her.

“Come _on_ Papa!” Alice exclaims because how dare he take so long.

“Alright, alright Starfish.” He responds with a laugh. “I’m here.” He added, putting his things down.

He notices Alice bolt for the water’s edge and he races towards her, loving her scream when the cold water touches her bare feet. “It’s so cold Papa!” She says. He laughs.

“Of course it’s cold, it’s nearly winter.” He reminds her. “Don’t worry, it’ll get warmer soon.” He tells her. The sun was rising and it would heat the water to a more comfortable temperature.

The cold water doesn’t deter Alice from getting into the water, just up to her waist so she can swim and laugh and look for things under water. Alice loves the water and would spend every day in here if he’d let her. She’s a lot like him in that regard.

“I found another shell!” She says, coming up from under water, thrusting the pink shell in his face.

“That’s very pretty.” He agrees. He sees Alice glance back at the bank where Emma was sitting on a towel, watching them with a smile on her face.

“Why isn’t Emma coming in?” she asks.

“Well she’s not exactly in her swim suit.” He looks back at Emma. “I don’t know.

Especially considering she’d almost died on this beach.

Perhaps today had been a bad idea…

However, as if she could hear them, they see her slowly make their ways towards them in the water. He grins brightly at the smirk he sees on her face.

“This water is a lot colder than I remember it.” She says with a shiver.

“I think you were a little busy love.”

“Yeah, dying.”

“Emma! Emma!” Alice says, jumping and splashing. “Look what I found!” She says waving her shell in her hand. “Isn’t it pretty?”

Emma smiles and tells Alice how beautiful the shell is. But what Emma says next surprises him. “Did you know I’ve been to a beach where the sand is literally pink?” She asks. His daughter’s eyes widen.

“Really pink?” She exclaims. Pink is in fact her favorite color, at least this week. Emma nods.

“Just like the color of that shell. The sand is made up of bits of shell so when it gets wet it gets very rosy.” His daughter is completely consumed by the story and while Killian is glad his daughter is intrigued, he wonders what in the world Emma is thinking, telling Alice a story of a place they can never travel to?

“Do you think Uncle Liam has been there?” Alice asks. “Do you think when he finishes taking care of the bad people we can go there?” His daughter asks, smile bright and happy. He scratches behind his ear nervously.

“I guess you’re going to have to ask him.”

_Liam was going to kill him._

After splashing around for a bit, Alice declares it’s time to make a sand castle. Emma is a good sport and tries to help, but Alice ends up giving her lessons on how to make the best one.

“It’s all about picking a partner that knows what he’s doing.” Alice informs her, glancing at him. He smirks.

“So you’re the resident expert here?” Emma asks with a smirk.

“I’m an expert in a lot of things Swan.”

They eventually build a large princess castle, one with a moat and a drawbridge made of a piece of wood. Alice declared them to be King and Queen of the castle as she wanted to stay the Princess.

They do some more swimming, and splashing. Alice collects at least a dozen more shells that she could absolutely not live without.

And it’s a good day.

“What does Alice mean when she says that Liam is going to bring her new toys?” Emma asks suddenly. It catches Killian off guard. They were taking a walk along the beach now, Alice walking faster ahead of them

“Liam, he’s my brother, he brings us things every few months to survive. How else do you think we can live completely isolated like this?” Emma just nods. “Usually I give him a list for next visit, new clothes for Alice, new books for both of us, food, supplies the usual.” He continues. “I can give him a list of things you’ll need as well.”

Emma nods, but again doesn’t say anything. He can tell she’s really thinking about something, there’s a small smile on her face but her eyes have a determined glint in them. She’s so lost in thought that she doesn’t notice a hole in the ground in front of them.

She topples, and his attempts at catching her just have him topple with her, her on top of him.

He can hear Alice’s giggles as he opens his eyes to Emma’s curtain of hair spill over him. She sits up first, pushing her hair out of his face. He spits out a few stray hairs and Emma just smiles, it makes her eyes _shine._

“Thanks for breaking my fall.” She says simply, a smirk on her lips.

He wants to kiss it. He doesn’t.

Instead she kisses his nose, making his face burn hot. It’s silly really, especially after last night. They’d been far closer than this, done way more…intimate things.

“Emma…” He says trailing off.

_I love you._

He doesn’t say them. He doesn’t dare. But she’s just smiling at him and for a minute he thinks…

“I think we should get up now.” Emma says simply, rolling off of him.

He thought maybe she would say it. He thought he saw it in her eyes. Maybe it was just wishful thinking.

“Aye, we seem to have attracted an audience.” He snickers, seeing Alice making faces at them. “Don’t make faces Starfish, or you’ll get stuck like that!” He calls.

She laughs. She’s making kissy faces at them.

“We should be getting back.” Emma notes, “After all it’s going to take a while for us all to get cleaned up in your tiny bathroom.”

Killian nods in agreement. Emma takes his hand, and he holds Alice in the other.

It’s a perfect day, the beginning of a series of perfect days.

Emma and Alice, what more did they need?

//

They do get cleaned up, and Killian makes dinner, a couple of cans of chicken soup. He typically doesn’t like the processed stuff, but it’s useful when he doesn’t feel like putting in the effort.

Alice sits in Emma’s lap and they’re making the list for Liam.

“What’s a poptart?” He hears Alice ask, he turns around slightly, catching Emma’s shocked look.

“Killian, you’ve never showed her pop tarts?” She asks like it’s the greatest sin imaginable. Killian shrugs.

“It’s just processed sugar and flower.” He reminds her.

“ _Amazing_ processed sugar and flower. It’s going on the list.” She declares. “Especially the brown sugar and cinnamon ones.” Killian rolls his eyes.

Night time comes sooner than any of them would have liked, but he sees Alice dozing cuddling into Emma as she reads their book, so he moves to carry her to bed when she stops him.

“Can Emma come tuck me in too?”

He stops short, looking back at her. A flash of panic crosses her face, but then she looks to him.

_Is that ok?_ He tries to ask with a raised brow and a look.

_If its ok with you._ She seems to respond with a light smile.

Emma kisses her in the head, as he tucks her in and for a moment Killian thinks that they’re a family.

//

“Do you ever think long term about any of this?” Emma asks; she’s leaning against him, her head on his arm in his room. They were both tucked under the covers and pressed together.

“Sort of.” He replies. “My brother, he’s trying to find someway to keep those after us from hurting us, somewhere safe and protected. He’s prepared to fix the whole system if it means we can come home.” He replies. It sounds farfetched, a hopeless endeavor by a desperate man, but Killian knows if anyone can do it Liam can.   

“What if I had an idea?” Emma admits. He looks down at her, Emma looks hopeful, a grin on her face and he can’t help but feel the excitement bursting from her. “I wasn’t entirely honest with you.” She admits. “I was running, but I was running _somewhere._ ” She explains. “Somewhere safe, somewhere I think we can be safe.”

_They are safe here._ Killian wants to remind her, but he wants to listen to her idea anyway.

“There were rumors, of a place, outside society, outside everything, completely off the map, untraceable. It’s supposed to be a place for lost souls, people no one else understood.” She continues. “An old foster mom I had knows about it; she got me in touch with them. I _saw_ it Killian, it seems just what we need.”

He raised a brow. “What we need?” He repeats. Because he thought here was perfect. Perfect enough at least.

“Not that I don’t love it here, but it’s bigger, it’s a little society, families, kids, everything. It’s for people like us to be able to live lives without being afraid.” She says trailing off.

_People like us?_

“Are you afraid?” He asks. Because something in the back of his mind doesn’t like this, something feels off.

“They already found me once; they almost hurt you and your daughter to get to me.” She reminds him. “What’s to stop them from coming back?”

He doesn’t know. A large part of him just trusts Alice’s abilities to keep them hidden; they have a knack for knowing what to do when things go wrong.

“Liam’s coming soon, we can go to somewhere else, another remote area.” He insists. “This place used to belong to an old uncle of ours, he has a few properties; we can leave tomorrow if you want.” But Emma cuts him off.

               “This place is special.” She insists. “I already made arrangements to live there, they would accept both of you as well; I know it.”     

 “Didn’t they make you steal something that nearly got you killed?” Emma nods. _So it is the same place._ “Wasn’t it medicine for someone else?” He adds. Someone who wants you to steal necessary things from others doesn’t sound like a healthy environment for Alice.

“It was the initiation or something and I did it, we can go there, we can be safe with people, don’t you want Alice not to be isolated like this?” She insists. He does want that. His biggest regret is not being able to provide those social interactions. “People who understand not fitting in to society, people who have to pretend to be something they’re not.”

_Alice._ He thinks. He knows that’s what she means; it could be a place that accepts Alice for who she is so she wouldn’t have to hide. But something still doesn’t sit right with him.

It sounds too perfect, it sounds too familiar. He feels his heart hammer in his chest, the urge to take Alice and run becoming stronger with each word out of her mouth. He moves to sit up; he sits in the bed and just looks at Emma.

She sits up too; she’s in one of his too big T-shirts, her hand wrapped around his. He can’t help but remember Eloise being in that same position, perhaps that same T-shirt when she told him about her “place” the first time.

The place she wanted to build. A place she ended up building and moving to with him at her heels, dragged along with the promise it would still have rum. It was a place that turned out to be more hell than paradise.

               “I have a way to contact the leader of this place, she’s kind and caring and a protector of sorts, at least, that’s what they told me.” She confirms. “The person I met, a woman named Gretel says she doesn’t meet newcomers until after they get through the initiation.”

His blood goes completely cold, his heart stops beating in his chest. He pulls his hand away.              

“Gretel?” He repeats in a voice sounds stronger than it does to his own ears.

_It’s not possible. No. No. This can’t be happening. Not again. Not again._

He looks back at Emma, and realizes where all that worry and suspicion came from. He’d been a fool to ignore it. Once again lust and love had been his downfall. Because this time Emma was what was too perfect.

He’d been a fool to believe that someone like Emma could ever care for someone like him, a single father with a drinking problem.

He was a fool.

“Her name is Mother Gothel and I promise Killian once you meet her, you’ll understand.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've been sitting on this chapter for a bit, it's a very important chapter. A lot happens.... Thank you Theonceoverthinker for proofing.

“I assure you Swan I already do.” He confirms, moving quickly, up and out of the bed. Because he can’t _be_ here; he can’t be in the same room as her, much less the same bed.

“Killain? Where are you going?” Emma asks; her eyes are wide with confusion. “I don’t understand.”

“It’s not happening.” He says sharply. “You can tell her it’s not happening, I’m not going and neither is Alice. I’d rather die than to go there-“ He says cut off by Emma getting up, her hands raised in surrender.

“Killian? What are you talking about, it’s ok it was a bad idea.” She confirms, standing in the way of his pacing, Killian hadn’t even realized he was pacing. “You’re scaring me.” She adds.

She tries to put her hands on him, to slow him down to comfort him, to trick him again.

He wasn’t going to let her. He’s been a fool.

“Was it all a lie?” He asks her, pulling away from her grasp. “Was this all another game? Another test?” He continues. Eloise was all about games and tests that he always failed. He always knew she rigged it all for him to lose.

Killian _refused_ to lose this one.

Her eyes widen in horror. “ _No._ Killian, I’m not lying, I’m not- where is this coming from who-“ But he can’t. He can’t have her _lie_ to him anymore. There were no coincidences in the world, there was no such thing as fate or destiny, just Eloise and her games and tests and riddles.

There was just Eloise manipulating his life just to rip Alice away, just to use her in her twisted plots. He’d rather die than let that happen again.

“You need to leave.” He says simply.

Emma looks horrified. “Killian, whatever I did or said that makes you think…I’m not, I swear, I’m not lying or playing games or…please just tell me what’s going on.” He can see tears in her eyes and he feels his heart break at the sight.

But he remembers when it was _Eloise_ begging him not to leave, tears in her eyes a sob on her lips. His uncle Nemo was sick and she begged him not to leave her all alone. She claimed it was just Liam’s way to separate them.

Nemo had died that next week. Killian never got the chance to say goodbye, he never even got the chance to go to the funeral.

He runs his fingers through his hair, the stress already starting to give him a migraine. “I can’t do this.” He utters. He sits on the bed, his head in his hands.

Emma knows better than to go near him. “I’m sorry.” She says softly. “For whatever this is. For whatever I said to make you not trust me.” He doesn’t look at her.

_He does trust her. That’s the problem._

 “If…if you’re not playing any games with me, if you really are who you say you are, if she didn’t send you, then you’re going to let me…you’re going to let me think and figure out what to do. And you’re not going to mention any of this to Alice.”

Emma doesn’t move. She just stares. Then eventually he sees her nod.

“Of course. I’ll let you have your space, and I won’t say anything to Alice. But Killian?” He looks at her, meets her eyes intently. “Tomorrow, we need to talk about this. I’m going to prove that you can trust me, and when I do there won’t be any trickery any games. It’ll be because you know exactly who I am.”

He feels the intensity, feels the conviction. He wants more than anything to bring her towards him, collapse in her embrace; let her see all the scars and wounds he tries to hide. But he holds his ground, he keeps his front up.

Eloise had seen his scars and wounds, knew exactly where to press to make him bleed.

He has to be sure. He needs to know for a fact one way or another. He needs to know if falling for Emma Swan is the best thing he’s ever done or his undoing, and he has to figure it out _fast._

_//_

_“My silly drunk.” She hummed. She petted his head like a puppy. He shrugged off her ‘affection’._

_“You know I hate that Eloise.” He snapped back from his position at a picnic table. He’d been trying to enjoy his lunch; a half empty bottle of rum at his side._

_“I told you to stop calling me that.” She chastised. Her eyes narrowed, indicating that she was more annoyed than her tone implied. She looked rather intimidating right now, colorful clothes hidden behind pitch black robes._

_He smirked at her. He was glad to annoy her. She didn’t scare him. Not like she scared her girls, followers more like. He saw the way they looked at her, like something sacred, like someone who had all the answers. Killian knew better._

_Eloise didn’t have anything at all._

_“Mother Gothel?” a small voice asked. He looked up behind her. There was a girl, young and blonde, maybe 16. “I don’t think I can do this.” She admitted._

_Eloise turns towards her. “Oh Gretel, I have faith in you.” She insists. “You have a destiny don’t you remember?” she asked._

_The girl looks unsure. “I miss my father, my brother. I know you knew my mother, but can’t I see my family? I’ve never been away from my brother before. Wouldn’t she want us to stay together?” She asked._

_She placed her hands on the girl’s shoulders. “Oh my child. Don’t let that bother you. They aren’t like you Gretel, they aren’t special, they aren’t chosen, not like you my dear. I promise, I’ll take care of you, make sure you reach your true potential.”_

_It might have satisfied the girl, but it set Killian on edge. No child should be taken away from their family. The girl needed her brother. She shouldn’t be here._

_He shouldn’t be here._

_//_

He barely sleeps that night, lost in analyzing every move Emma made. He spends most of the night pacing back and forth. It doesn’t help that he knows Emma’s not sleeping either. He can feel her worry through the door. Every now and then he hears her get up to make herself a cup of tea.

If he was smart, he’d kick her out and then take Alice and run the opposite direction. If he was smart he would have seen this coming a mile away.

If he was smart he wouldn’t have fallen in love with Emma in the first place. He would never have opened himself up the way he has.

_Bloody hell this is a mess._

He isn’t sure if he’s blissfully glad for the morning, or if he dreads it. Morning means he has to face Emma; come to some conclusion. He’s terrified of his own decision, for once Killian wishes someone would tell him _what to do_.

No one tells him what to do.

As he sees dawn hit through his bedrooms small window, he exits the room. He head to the bathroom straight away, ignoring the feeling of Emma’s worried eyes from the couch.

He spends most of the time splashing water in his face than much else. He looks in the mirror and tries to clean himself up a bit. His hair is wild and ruffled and his eyes are red with dark circles under his eyes.

_He looks drunk._

He ignores that. The voice in the back of his head sounds too much like Eloise for his liking. The last thing he needs is Eloise’s voice in his head while he makes this decision.

_You can trust her Papa._

Alice doesn’t help things. He’d have to explain to her what was happening. Alice loves Emma. She’s so happy with her around. The thought of Emma truly being one of the bad people makes his heart ache for Alice. It would break her heart.

Eventually he hears Emma move, pace around the door, then move further back from it. She’s trying to give him space, but desperately wants to talk to him too. She’s filled with nervous energy and Killian doesn’t know what to do.

 “Can we talk?” Emma asks in a quiet voice when he exits the small bathroom.

He nods, and they sit on the couch, as far away from each other as they can get.

“You know her, this Mother Gothel.” He can feel it in his chest when she says the name. The word Mother already strikes a chord with him.

“Yes.” He says quietly. He’s not surprised she put that together considering his reaction.

“You don’t like her,” Emma continues.

“That’s the understatement of the century, love,” He says, scratching behind his neck.

“Something happened.” Emma says, turning towards him. “Between the two of you. I’m not involved in whatever it is,” she insists. He shakes his head. “I would never hurt you Killian.”

Killian glances up at her. “Not even for some initiation?” He asks sharply. “If she told you to show up here, befriend an alcoholic and his daughter, tell them you’re on the run, make him-“

  _fall in love with you._

He sighs, remembering himself. _“_ Make him trust you enough to follow you to some place he doesn’t know, a place he’s been avoiding for years, you wouldn’t do it?”

She shakes her head. “No, I didn’t, couldn’t do that to you.” She insists. “You can’t possibly think I would!”

He does. He has to, he has to suspect her. It’s so obvious Liam would bash him on the head for not seeing it.

“Even for safety and sanctuary? If she promised not to hurt us? She can be very persuasive,” he says calmly. “She would tell you everything you’d want to hear and then some. She would tell you you’re returning some lost sheep to the herd.” He shakes his head. He can practically see it in his mind’s eye, being handed over with Emma smiling, promising that she’s doing this for them. “You’ve been so curious about what I’m running from, so against staying here, what other explanation could there be?” He stands  up and looking at her as he asks.

Her eyes are wide and they look terrified. They look like someone who’s entire world is crumbling. But he doesn’t know if it’s him, or it’s the promised lands being taken away from her that’s putting that look on her face.

“Killian, this is insane. I swear to you, I’m on your side, I’m—My initiation was the flower, that’s it. I gave it to Gretel back in Boston, and I made my way out here, I followed her map, but they caught me, you know that. You saw them,”  she insists. Emma takes his hands in hers and he lets her.

“Men told to say what they needed, men who were about to take all of us away from here, possibly back to Eloise’s clutches,” he adds. Eloise would have _loved_ that. Her ‘silly drunk’ returned to her bound with a pretty bow.

Emma’s expression changes as realization hits her. “Eloise…Like Alice’s mother? Mother Gothel is Alice’s mother?”

He pulls away from her.

“Killian, what’s going on? If Alice is Eloise’s daughter, surely…” She trails off.

“Can’t what Emma?” He snaps. “Can’t be that bad if I got involved with her in the first place? Can’t be that bad if I let her in Alice’s life at all? Surly deserves to see her daughter?” He snaps. It takes her aback.

“Killian-“ He doesn’t let her finish.

“Did she tell you anything about me before she sent you here?” He asks. “Did she tell you I was some drunk who was corrupting her daughter? That I was some thief that took her in the night?” He shakes his head; his hands begin to shake badly.

_She’s mine, Killian. You never understood that. I was waiting for you to understand that, so I decided to show you. Alice and Emma, they’re both mine._

He shakes his head trying desperately to shake away the voice. But it keeps going.

 _It’s not Emma’s fault._ He reminds himself. _Eloise is deceitful, she’s a snake. Killian knew how good she was at convincing others that she was the best option, the only option_.

_It’s because I am the only option._

“Killian, stop! I didn’t lie!” She says above his raging thoughts. “I have never even met Alice’s mother!”

Killian hears the smash of something; he realizes it was a plate, one left behind from yesterday. He doesn’t remember seeing it, let alone throwing it. But his anger and fear has reached a boiling point. “Stop calling her that! She is _no_ mother!” He yells before clamping a hand over his mouth.

He hadn’t meant to do that. He looks up at Emma and sees fear in her eyes. He hears Alice scamper downstairs, eyes wide with fright. He looks away sharply, back at the shattered plate. He hadn’t meant to frighten her. He hadn’t meant to become so angry.

But Eloise always makes him angry, thoughts of her always brings him back to the person he used to be.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He repeats, getting down gathering the pieces of the plate. His hands shake as he does so making the task slow and difficult.

 “Papa?” Alice calls. He shakes his head, an apology out of his mouth before he can even process it. An explanation for the yelling, a silly disagreement, he apologizes for waking her. He doesn’t look at her, he can’t. He needs to reign in his composure first. He needs to be a parent.

He needs to be her parent.

It doesn’t help that it’s Elosie in his head, laughing at him. Reminding him how much he wants a bloody drink.

_//_

_He ended up storming off, heading to the cabin,_ their cabin.

_Killian just wanted to drink alone, drown in his misery._

(Perhaps even get the courage to call Liam. )

_Unfortunately, Eloise follows him this time. Her eyes blazing with fury when she storms in._

_“What has you upset this time?” She huffs “Or is this just another of your childish tantrums?”_

_He barely misses her head when he throws the rum bottle at her. “She’s just a child Eloise! She should be with her family.” Eloise rolls her eyes._

_“This again.” His temper flares._

_“Yes again! I don’t know what you’re doing her in this ‘coven’ of yours, luring young girls here against their will, running around in those cloaks and playing witch.”_

_She stalks up to him. “And what do you care?” She asked. “Are you going to go save them from big bad me?” She taunts. “You’re here for the same reason they are, no one else wants you.” She laughs at whatever expression is on his face._

_“And you think you have all the answers? All the power Eloise? You weren’t too high and mighty when I met you, living on the streets painting graffiti on the walls.” He reminds her. “Fucking any guy that would give you a sliver of-“_

_She slapped him._

_“That silly girl is dead.” She utters. “And if you’re so disgusted with me then leave.” She snaps._

_“Maybe I will.” He replies sharply. He moves to leave, no clue where he’d go, but he knows anywhere is better than here._

_He’s at the door when Eloise responds._

_“Think Liam would even speak to you like this? A drunk like your father?” He turns around at that._

_“You don’t know anything about that.” He snaps. “I’m nothing like him.” It wasn’t the first time she’d made the comparison but it got him every single damn time._

_“You’re the only one who can’t see it Killian.” She says his name like a curse. “Your brother won’t even look at you after you abandoned him at the funeral, drunk and delirious, too busy between my legs to do much else.” She laughs._

_“Yet you’re the one begging me to stay while you have all this? Why bother when I’m such a disgrace.” He shoots back._

_“A pretty face to sit next to my thrown.” She sneers, coming close, caressing his face. It makes him shiver as he pulls away. “In exchanged for all the rum you could ever want.” She says._

_“I’m done here Eloise.” He snaps. He can’t do this anymore. He’ll walk until he can’t walk anymore. He can’t do this anymore._

_“Would you even be able to look Milah in the eyes after this?” Eloise asks, changing gears as usual. “She’s probably rolling in her grave at what you’ve become. Didn’t you tell me her mother was an addict as well?”_

_He feels the hit in his soul, feeling her words making his resolve waver. Thoughts of Milah always makes him weak in the knees._

_“She’d hate me for even touching you. Using insecurities to lure young women away from their homes into this…She’d hate it.” He agrees. “But I’m not staying this time Eloise, I’m done.”_

_Something shifts because he knows those usually work. Eloise has overused her ammunition over the years and this time…this time he’ll be strong enough._

_“If you do leave, you won’t get to meet your child.” She says almost like an afterthought. “You’ll do your father proud.”_

_It catches him off guard, his entire body turning rigid._

_“What?” he exclaims, turning around sharply. She has her hand pressed against her flat stomach. “You’re…” He trails off._

_Eloise nods, caressing her stomach affectionately. “Still want to leave?” She challenges._

_He doesn’t. He’s weak and she knew exactly how to trap him. He couldn’t leave this zest pool without his child._

_“You’ll get used to it Killian, the three of us will be together here.” Eloise says patting his head again, pulling him into her embrace._

_He’s all alone again. He ends up right where she wanted him, back in her bed, a bottle in his hand, half of it already gone from this morning, the rest calling to him. Eloise knows exactly how to manipulate him and he_ hates _it._

_She thinks nothing has changed, except that’s far from true._

_After she leaves, that next morning, he finds something else in his hand, a burner phone Eloise doesn’t know about; hidden in his things he brought to this place, this_ cult _._

_It rings twice before he hears a grumpy voice on the other end._

_“Hello?” It says. He nearly gasps at the wave of longing that Liam’s voice brings him._

_“Liam?” He said in a whisper. He hears rustling._

_“Killian? Is that you brother?” He asked in an awestruck voice. “God brother I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” He exclaims. “Are you alright?”_

_He shakes his head, knowing Liam can’t see him._

_“I messed up brother I…” He trails off. He feels like a child, but knows what has to happen, knows what he needs to do. “Do you think you can come and get me?”_

_//_

“Killian?” Emma says, breaking him out of his daydream. She’s bent down trying to help him collect the pieces, but when her hand makes contact with his, he jolts away.

“I’ve got it.” He insists. “Alice, go back to bed, everything is alright.” He looks up, seeing Alice’s expression in a firm frown.

“No it’s not Papa.” She insists, but she doesn’t move. “But it will be Papa. It will be.”

He looks at her and Alice has one of her looks, like she’s older than her 6 years. “We’re going to be ok Papa. Emma’s not a bad person Papa. She’s just confused, tricked by the bad people.”

They both turned to her, eyes wide.

“Starfish-“ but he doesn’t know what to say. _She couldn’t possibly know this._ He reasons, but then again his Starfish always seems to know far more than she should.

“Good night Papa.” She says with a smile. “I love you.”

He doesn’t move until she’s gone. He can’t. The weight that had been lifted from his shoulders yesterday feels like it’s slammed back on him.

_He has to protect her._

“Killian?” Emma asks in such a small voice.

“You can’t stay here.” He whispers; looking at her finally. He wonders if she sees his heart breaking. “When Liam comes, he can take you wherever you need to go.”

She shakes her head, grabbing at his hands. “Killian you don’t mean that.” She insists. “Killian please-“ He shakes his head.

“I can’t take the chance that I’m wrong about you.” He insists. “Alice is my life and I can’t risk her. I can’t Swan I just can’t.” He can’t risk Emma leading Eloise here. He can’t risk the thought of Eloise in her head might start his own downward spiral.

“I would never do anything to hurt you, either of you.” She insists. “Don’t make me leave.”

He has to. It’s the only way to keep Alice safe.

“But I will.” She says staring right into his eyes, right into his soul. “I’ll do whatever you think is best. I…I’ve appreciated everything you’ve done for me. And if you want me to leave when Liam arrives I will.” She says.

He doesn’t know what to say so he doesn’t say anything. He just finishes cleaning up, throwing away the broken dish away as she watches him.

He wants to change his mind, he wants to walk over to her, beg her to forgive him. He wats to tell her everything, everything Eloise did that drove them to run. He wants to yell and scream at her for breaking his heart again, for making him trust her when he shouldn’t have.

He doesn’t know what to do.

Killian doesn’t get the chance to because without warning theirs a knock at the door. No bells or alarms to let him know someone was her, nothing.

Just a knock at the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be in about 2 weeks. Feel free to yell at me on tumblr or here. I'm hoping to finish this by the year's end. It looks to be about 18 chapters.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay, but well This chapter was intense to write, and I wanted to finish writing my Secret Santa Gift before I finished this chapter. Here comes the moment some of you have been waiting for/dreading for a bit.  
> Enjoy

He doesn’t move when the knock occurs, he’s stuck in a sort of disbelieving daze. There were no bells or alarms of anyway. He’d fixed the traps. Everything should be as it should be.

No one should be at his door.

_This can’t be happening._

When it happens a second time he finally believes it. He finally knows that this happy existence they’ve been living is about to come tumbling down.

He has only one chance at preserving the last bit he had. He turns to Emma who looks lost and confused at the door and looks at him.

“Emma, go upstairs, get Alice and run. Get out of here and run.” He declares sharply.

“Killian, I did that already, I’m not doing that again.” She insists firmly. “Whatever it is we can handle it.”

He shakes his head. “We can’t, and you know it. If it’s Eloise on the other side of the door we can’t and you know why.”

She starts to argue, starts to say anything but Killian can’t let her. He hears the third knock and knows there won’t be a forth. He knows from years under her thumb, knows the rage she gets into when kept waiting.

He can’t let anything more happen. Killian stalks up to Emma and kisses her, he kisses her like his life depended on it, his hand in her hair, other palm on her cheek, like this might be the last. He wants her to know everything.

_I trust you._ Because he does. In his heart he knows she would never do anything to endanger Alice. Eloise was conniving. She was manipulative, whatever Emma did it wasn’t her fault.

“I’m not letting her take away Alice or you. I’m not losing another person I love to her evil. Get Alice and go.” He declares.

Emma wants to say something, she wants to deny her tears but she doesn’t she just levels him a look, a “we are not finished” look and rushes upstairs.

No sooner that Emma disappears from view does he hear the lock on the door unclick and the door slam open. The force of it makes him stumble.

She’s standing there in her same dark robes, her hair far longer and more intricate than before, an associate stands beside her, but her face is shrouded.

“Hello Killian, it’s been a while.” He voice sends shivers down his spine as she stares him down. She looks at him like he is nothing, and for a split second he believes it.

But when that second ends he’s off looking for the firearm under the sink. A blast from her associate forces him away from the cabinet, his hands stinging. He can hear Eloise chuckle and for once it’s not in his head.

“That’s not how you greet the mother of your child is it?” She asks in a smug voice. “We never did talk about my position on firearms in the house.” She says sarcastically. She says it like this is her home, like she has a say in anything.

“Mother is a strong word isn’t it?” He shoots back. “I prefer egg donor.” _She is no mother_

Eloise frowns. “Considering you’re the one who abandoned me, who knocked me up and then ran, just like your father I recall.” It’s a familiar jab.

“At least I know my father.” And a familiar response, it feels like circling the same drain again. Rounding the drain lower and lower until he’s in the sewers right along with her.

“It’s early, I take it my daughter is asleep?” She asks. He nods. She strolls over to the table as if she lives here, as if she’s welcomed here. “Then let’s chat shall we?” She asks. “After all we have so much to catch up on.”

He doesn’t move, he can’t; he can’t just sit there like they’re friends, like they’re anything. He doesn’t want to keep circling, he wants to run. He wants to scream he wants her out.

“Sit down Killian before my sister makes you.” She warns. Killian sits, glaring at the woman, an innocent he knows, warped by Eloise and her twisted games.

“Did you think your higher calling was this?” He asks. “Kidnapping children from their beds? When she told you that you had a destiny to complete did you believe it would look like this?” He asks. He shakes his head. “She said the same trash to me, soulmates, destiny, fate love. Everyword that comes out of her mouth is-“ He feels tightness on his throat as he’s pulled into a chair, limbs working without permission.

He sits.

Eloise waves her hand and two mugs of warm tea sits in front of them. “Like old times sake.” She adds. Her dismissal of his words not lost on him, however he can see the anger growing in her eyes.

He doesn’t touch the tea. They never sat around drinking tea, when they were together it was rum and vodka painting things that didn’t make sense, talking about how bad the world was. When they were at her cult she mostly left him alone, held secret meetings with her ‘sisters’.

There was nothing as homey as drinking tea; in fact Killian doesn’t even think she likes tea.

               “You were hard to find.” She notes, sipping the warm beverage. He moves his jaw, feeling the ability to speak return to him.

“That was the plan.” He said simply.

“If you wanted to disappear you could have Killian, I know how hard it’s been for you since we broke up, but you shouldn’t have taken my daughter.” She continues. “You know how I tried to help you.”

He shook his head. More games.

“Alice is nothing of yours. And you’ve done everything but help me.”

“I remind you of who you are, is there something wrong with that?” She asks innocently. “Remind you how your father was a drunk and abandoned you, how Liam struggled to care for you how your always just a burden to them.”

Killian rolls his eyes.

“This isn’t going to work anymore I’ve moved on, let all of that stuff go.” He has, truly.

“How you failed to protect Milah, and then became the very thing you both hated. Liam wrote you off, you are all alone.” He smirks.

“And you’re a cultist who thinks she can change the world. So what you know a few tricks, we both know that whatever power this is, it isn’t yours.” She frowns. “You don’t want Alice, you want her power, you want to steal this special thing from her and I won’t let you.” He insists.

“You think you have a choice?” Eloise asks.

“Absolutely.”

Eloise leans back in her chair and Killian gets a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach. “Gretel? Have you found them?” Eloise calls, not breaking eye contact.

“Of course Mother!” A voice calls pleasantly.

His heart sinks and he feels any sense of hope he had in any of this fade away.

Eloise snaps her fingers and another woman appears one he recognized. She has Alice by the hair, and Emma by the arm. Her lips are moving but sound isn’t coming out and she looks upset.

She looks furious.

 Gretel looks back at Eloise, like a dog looks at their master for attention or validation. Eloise gives her neither as she snaps her fingers; sound returns to both their throats, starting with Alice crying out for him, screaming.

“Let her go!” He roars getting up from his seat. Gretel does as she’s told and Alice flings herself into his arms, shivering with tears running down her face.

Emma doesn’t say anything; she just turns around and punches Gretel in the face.

“Don’t you ever lay a hand on her!” She shouts as the other blonde stumbles backwards.

“Oh Emma, you did such a good job.” Eloise praises standing up and stepping forward to greet her. Emma shrugs off her affection.

“I did nothing, do you hear me? Nothing. I brought you your flower and that was it.” She says firmly. Maybe too firmly.

“You’ve returned to me what once was lost.” Eloise praises, looking quite pleased with herself; She’s staring him dead in the eye as he embraces his daughter. “We could never have found my precious daughter without your help.”

Emma shakes her head. “That’s a lie!” She yells. She pushes Eloise’s affection off again.

Eloise turns, advancing closer to Alice. Killian moves; turning her around so he remains between her and Alice.

“Stay away from her.”

“She’s my daughter. Alice come on I’m here now, Mother will dry your tears.” Alice shakes her head into his leg. “Alice. Come here right now.” She orders.

“No!” Alice bites back. It catches Eloise off guard.

“Alice I am your mother. I understand you are confused, but there is no need to be disrespectful.”

Emma scoffs loudly and rolls her eyes.

“Alice. You and I are the same; you know that, you know that you are not like your father. I can teach you about your gifts, we are a family.” Eloise insists. “Killian has been lying to you, he took you from he, he had no right to leave with you. He’s confused you. Let me explain my child.” Killian holds his ground, determined not to let her even touch his daughter.

“Papa is my family, Emma is my family, you aren’t” Alice says sharply. “Papa loved me before I was special. You only want me for the Stars.” He sees Alice glare at her, calm sweeping over her face. “I think you should go now.” She utters.  Killian feels the energy around her small body, sees it gathering in her hands.

“Oh my sweet child.” Eloise hums and then without warning he feels incredible pain in his chest, making him cry out.

“Killian!” He hears Emma yell but he can’t see her, his eyes are fixated by Eloise and the hand sticking out of his chest. He can’t seem to breath as pain explodes in his chest. A hand wasn’t supposed to be in his chest.

“Your love for your father has always been your weakness my child, but I can show you true strength, I can teach you my child, first lesson is that love, any kind of love, is _weakness.”_

“Papa!” Alice cries out. “No! Please! Papa!” Alice wails.

His chest tightens and he feels her pull and he’s certain he’s going to be sick, or pass out, maybe both.

“You’re wrong Gothel.” Emma states. “Love isn’t weakness.”

Eloise pulls at his chest over and over again, but it seems she can’t get her hand out. “What did you do?” She growls.

“Love is strength!” Emma responds and he feels a ripple over the room, knocking the wind clear out of him, sending him tumbling to his knees. Eloise is clutching her hand and screaming.

“Get them! Get them!”

Gretel and the shrouded witch instantly advance on Emma and Alice. Alice is shaking and whatever hold she had on her powers seems to have slipped away and Emma, well something is flickering in her hand, as if she was carrying light itself.

He tries to go to them but the moment he gets back on his feet he feels something cold entrapping him. Solid ice appears around his feet.

He looks up and sees Gretel advancing with blades that look like…Jolly ranchers? He remembers the despicable stuff Alice loved on Halloween.

Emma blasts blindly at her with her light, but its sloppy as the more experienced person advances. It’s a losing battle he knows it.

“Get her out of here!” He shouts over them. “Do you hear me? Get her out!” If they can get away, far away, they can find help, they can be safe.

Emma shakes her head. “I _can’t.”_ Emma insists. He has no doubt that whatever powers Emma has, she has as much control over them as Alice does, perhaps less. She wouldn’t have been on her way into Eloise’s cult if she had any understanding of her powers. Eloise preyed on fear, and just watching Emma try to fight, he could see in in gallons.

“Papa please!” Alice begs.

Because why else would Eloise have any interest in Emma otherwise?

Gretel slashes and catches Emma on the wrist making her hiss, they were getting backed in. He hears Gretel hiss something, but he can’t hear it as Eloise yells at the pain in her hand. Pain caused by the incredible light emulating from his chest.

Suddenly his odd dream makes a whole lot of sense.

“Go!” He yells once more. “I’ll find you, I promise, just take her and run.” He urges. “She can’t hurt me, I’ll be ok, just _run.”_

Emma shakes her head, another firm ‘I can’t.’ on her lips. But Alice, Alice _can._

She grabs onto Emma’s leg and in a mass of sparkles and smoke, they are gone.

Eloise screams in anger at that, demanding that the two of her associates find them. Considering the expression on Gretel’s face, he assumes it’s unlikely. She paces like a mad woman in front of him as he’s completely trapped by the ice.

“You’ll never find them.” He assures them, pulling at the ice at his feet. “You lost.” No matter what happens to him knowing they were safe would make him survive it.

It was a mistake to antagonize her like that, as Eloise advanced her eyes narrowing like a snake’s.

“We’ll see about that Jones.” She hisses.

And then everything goes dark.

//

               He wakes in complete pitch black darkness. At first he isn’t even sure if he’s awake.

But the ground feels like dirt and he smells smoke and leaves. He doesn’t think it’s a dream. He scrambles onto his feet slowly, unsure of the dimensions of the space he’s in. The last thing he needs is to jerk up and give himself a concussion.

Killian is able to rise to his full height and he finds himself unrestrained. just lost.

_He needs to get out of here._ He thinks as the darkness begins to get more unsettling by the second.

He moves forward slowly, raising his hands and trying to find something, anything. He feels cell doors in front of him, cold and sturdy against his weight as he begins to shake them. Eventually he realizes he’s in some kind of cell in a dungeon of a tunnel.

_It’s a start._

Just when he begins his work on making a mental map of the small enclosure, brilliant light creaks through the dark. He averts his eyes covering them from the onslaught of brightness.

“Oh good your awake.” Says a familiar voice; he curls away from the light, deeper into the cell. He blinks away the pain trying to use the opportunity to gather what kind of prison she was keeping him in. “You’ve been out quite a while.” She muses. “I brought you some things.”

He doesn’t want anything from her.

“Some food, water even a bit of rum.” She adds with a smirk. “We want to make sure you’re comfortable.” A basket is pushed through the bars at his feet. It looks like a gift basket rather than food given to a prisoner.

“Why not just kill me Eloise?” He demands.

“It’s Gothel now.”

“ _Eloise._ You know I’ll never go along with this, with any of this. You know I’ll continue to fight you until the day I die. You will not be getting my daughter.”

She smirks.

“You’ve been asleep for a good while Jones. Did you really think a mere child could evade my sisters?” She asks. His expression drops slightly.

_Is it possible?_ He wonders. Of course it’s possible but not likely, they’d been prepared for this, practicing for this situation. Alice knew what she was supposed to do, she knew exactly how to evade Eloise’s grasp.

But they never planned for Emma. While he trusts her, they never planned for her; they never told her anything about their escape plans. Maybe that was a fatal mistake.

“Would you like to see for yourself?” Eloise asks.

Without waiting for a reply, Eloise waves her hand and a window appears on the opposite cell wall. He goes towards it, seeing the usual circle of wooden houses, the largest being her own.

There was a commotion going on in front of her house, a blonde woman was trying to drag a child into the house.

_No._

_“_ We offered to leave her alone if she so desired.”

The child was struggling, her blonde hair shining like sunshine in the distance as she pulled and yelled. He couldn’t hear the words.

_It’s not possible._

“It’ll be alright Killian.” She assured him. “A little alone time with mother will fix her right up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I'll be participating in January Joy, the next chapter won't be until the end of January. Feel free to yell at me in the comments.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Lots of Eloise/Gothel.  
> The end to this lovely story is in sight! Thank you so much for all the support I've received, it's blown me away every chapter!

“You’re never going to get away with this.” He says turning around and lashing out, slamming himself against the bars. They don’t budge.

Eloise smirks.

She always did love getting a rile out of him.

 Typically Killian tries not to give her the satisfaction, but he couldn’t contain himself this time, not with the image of the blonde girl being forced into her home. Her hair was blonde like the sun, reaching only to her shoulders.

After all, she does think she’s won already.

“Oh but Jones, I already have.” She assures him, hand reaching out to stroke his face. He pulls back as if he’s been burned. “Perhaps if you’ve been good, I’ll let you see Alice every now and then. She won’t be able to see you of course; I’ve already told her you’ve _abandoned_ her.” She insists with a gleeful smirk.

She gets joy from causing him pain.

Killian shakes his head. “She’ll never believe you.” His daughter was smarter than that. “Emma too, she’ll come back, she’ll fix this.”

Eloise laughs. “You’ve already seen Emma hand over your daughter on a silver platter, what makes you think she’ll come back for you? She never cared for you Killian. No one could.”

Words she’d been repeating in his ear for their entire twisted relationship. That he was unlovable, that he was worthless, that this was the closest thing to affection he deserved. He’s not broken enough to believe it anymore.

Now it’s Killian’s turn to smirk, glancing at the burn on her hand with satisfaction. Killian doesn’t know what she tried to do to him, but he knows it wouldn’t have been pleasant.

Emma had stopped it.

Emma had protected him.

“When you love someone, you just know.” He assures her. “That’s something you’ll _never_ understand.” He says. “No matter how much you try.”

That makes her narrow her eyes uncertainly. “Isn’t that this all is, don’t forget, _love._ I knew you just as well as you knew me. Girl on the street after her mother disappears, something you blamed on everyone but yourself.” He seethes.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Eloise spits out.

“The only family you ever had left you and yet here you are seeking family like a drug, seeking people who can’t leave her because she’s manipulated them so much they don’t even realize how deluded you are.”

“I am _not_ deluded.” She snaps.

“You’re stealing power that does not belong to you. Manipulating girls, _children,_ into believing the world wouldn’t accept them when it’s really you that the world doesn’t accept. It’s you who needs to hide away. Not these women, not Alice. _You-.”_

Suddenly he feels a force grab him by the throat, cutting off his air supply.

“You filthy maggot I should have-“ Something sparks against his skin, making her yelp in pain as she pulls away and returns air to his lungs in a breath.

Eloise curses, fresh burns accumulating on her palm.

“I told you, when you love someone you just _know.”_

_//_

A woman Killian doesn’t recognize comes back hours later, more food for him that he decides against eating. “Alice is a very special girl.” The woman says. Killian refuses to look at her, eyes locked on that door, the banging had stopped hours ago. _She must have gotten tired._ He thinks. “You should be proud.”

He is, Killian is proud of his girl. Alice could handle anything life throws at her.

“You should go home.” He says, ignoring her comment.

The woman pauses, caught off guard. “I am home.” He can hear the utter belief in her words.

“Back to your real home.” He clarifies. “Back to your parents, your siblings, your loved ones,” He wonders about her life, if the real world was truly worse than this. He doubts anything could be worse than this.

“That wasn’t my home.” The woman says. “They didn’t understand me. Not like Mother Gothel does. Not like my sisters do.”

“One day you’ll realize how wrong you are.” He assures her. “This isn’t a home, it’s a prison.” Her smile dips.

“I’m here of my own free will.” She assures him. He nods, he believes her. But just because someone believes something doesn’t make it true.

“Sure you are.” He agrees, because that’s how Eloise operated, always making you think it was you’re idea. “That’s how the best prisons operate. Tell me, does _Alice_ want to be here?” He demands. “Does she want to be here and not where she was supposed to go?”

She straightens. “Where was she supposed to go?” She asks, stepping closer, a wide eyed look on her face.

Killian shrugs. “Not that it matters, she was supposed to find my old partner Weaver in Hyperion Heights; he was supposed to keep both of them safe. Weaver has all kinds of friends. He would keep her safe, help her disappear.”

The woman smiles brightly, practically tripping over herself to get out and back to Eloise’s side. “Alice will realize that this is where she belongs.” She assures him. “She’ll be happy with her own kind.”

_She was already happy._ He wants to say. But he doesn’t. He just returns to staring out the window. Part of him hopes the banging will come back, another part doesn’t.

He hopes that wherever Alice is, she’s not scared.

//

_He’d been kept in a locked room for hours, dragged in there by her army of followers. It made no sense. He didn’t understand what she wanted from them._

_She’d given her daughter away at birth. Why did she come back at all? Why bring them here?_

_“Leave her alone!” He shouted through the door, trying to pull it open. Trying to get to her. “She doesn’t deserve this!” Alice never asked for this, never asked for a mother who saw her as nothing more than an obstacle. She deserves to be in school learning about frogs, or about clouds._

_Not this. He had no clue what Eloise wanted from her but he did not like it._

_Killian paced the room looking for something, anything to stop this, to help him escape._

_There’s nothing. Absolutely nothing._

_He bangs harder on the door, he bangs and yells and does whatever he can until he’s exhausted himself._

_He’s trapped. His baby girl is at the mercy of a_ monster _._

_He’s failed her and he knows it._

//

Days pass and Killian finds himself barely alone with his thoughts as Eloise continues to visit him, filled with words of progress with Alice.

“She’s doing so well.” She gushes. “She loves it here.” He pays her no mind. “She’s wondering why you ever took her away from here; a place that could nurture her and understand her.”

_She is nurtured._ Killian thinks bitterly. He _does_ understand her, more than Eloise ever could. He doesn’t tell her this. He doesn’t want to give her the satisfaction. If he wanted to get out of this, Killian needed to play the game perfectly.

 “Her magic is so incredible isn’t it?” Eloise says. “She doesn’t understand why _Papa_ would ever want her to hide it.”

Killian hates how Eloise says Papa. It makes the word seem like a curse than a gift.

“I never wanted her to hide it.” He replies. “I wanted her to be safe, and happy, with children her own age to play with.” The blonde rolls her eyes.

“Alice is so above them, it’s like asking to play with insects.” She hisses.

“I see why you never had any friends.” He says. “Weaver always did say you were one messed up woman. He thought I should have never let you have a moment of Alice’s life. I should have told her you were dead.”

Eloise narrows her gaze but says nothing, eventually leaving him alone.

//

_The hours were long last time, he’d try to demand to be released, see Eloise, see his_ daughter, _but nothing worked._

_Eventually he decided to save his energy, think of a way to escape. Or just bide his time for an opportunity. Eloise could never resist rubbing his nose in her being right. He knew it was just a matter of time before she appeared once again_

_He was right after all, eventually she slipped through the door.  “Hello Killian.” She says as if they were old friends._

_“Where’s Alice?” He demands moving towards her. She raises a hand and he feels as if he’s hit an invisible wall unable to move closer towards her._

_“Safe.” Eloise confirms. “Enjoying time with her sisters.”_

_“She doesn’t have any sisters, unless of course you have any more children you abandoned.” He snaps angrily, trying to bang on the wall that separated him with the very bane of his existence._

_“We’re all sisters here Killian.” He tells her, correcting him like a child, like she always has. “Except for you of course.” He bangs on the wall again._

_“What exactly_ am _I Eloise?” He asks sarcastically, as if he cares really. Her eyes narrow._

_“Gothel.”_

_“Eloise.” He says with a snicker. “Never forget your roots love. Never forget that your games no longer work on me.”_

_She raises a brow curiously._

_“Oh don’t they?” She says, getting closer, the wall pushing him back, making him stumble. “Did they not work when I got you to stop going to work? To stop talking to Liam?” She insists. “To keep drinking and drinking your money away, your time away, you were a failure Jones, everyone could see it especially me.” Killian rolls his eyes. “I needed someone like you, a pretty face with not much else going for him to make all this happen.” She says, hand on his face. He pulls away._

_“And why was that?” He snarls._

_“To give me a daughter of course.” Eloise says matter of factly. “To restart my mother’s coven. To start all of this.” She says pointing back towards the outside world. “To reawaken my powers as she was destined to do.” She calls out sounding like a mad woman._

_“What in the blazes are you talking about?” Killian demands._

_“She wasn’t supposed to have magic.” Eloise explains. “When I birthed her, I felt nothing, not even a spark of power. But now, it glows like a wildfire; a child like her could never appreciate such gifts. I can and I will.” She confirms._

_Killian doesn’t like the sound of that._

_“Her magic will save so many people; it will let me lead my coven to greatness.” Eloise insists. “And you gave her to me. For that, I am grateful.”_

//

               “She asks about Emma sometimes.” Eloise tells her another day. “Why her father had to have ruined this place for her, filling her head with lies. Emma could be here with happy; they could have been a family”

               _No lies_. He thinks to himself, _all he ever told Emma was the truth._

“Perhaps its better this way, you were way over your head with that one, blondes Killian, always your undoing.”

He glares at her.

“You really should be more selective of who spends time with our daughter, very irresponsible of you.”

“Shall I remind you of your previous occupation before you met me?” He spits back, he just can’t help himself. She ignores him.

“Perhaps I should have just left the pair of you together, she would have made this a whole lot easier, tell me Killian, have you heard about how her last relationship ended?” Eloise asks.

He didn’t. He stays quiet.

“They worked in Boston, he was a police officer and according to her they were happy. He was a respected member of the community, but his friends and family, they all knew she was different, they all knew that she didn’t belong in their world.” He averts his attention away from her, knowing that whatever she’s saying is to get in his head, make him doubt himself and her. Eloise was trying to find a soft spot. Killian wouldn’t let her.

“They always said she had a hand in his death, the official report was a heart attack.” She was tracing shapes into the bar, watching his face. “They say all the lights in the building blew when he died, everyone believed it was her doing. He’d been in danger a time or two and she did something to his heart, something similar to what she did to you.”  His hand instinctively went to his chest; he remembered the brilliant feeling in his chest, feeling the protection that she’d given him. “They knew it really was her who killed their friend, ran the poor woman out of town.”

_They thought I killed him._

“She didn’t do it.” Killian replies.

“Magic can be so unpredictable sometimes; especially if you’ve never been taught control. That’s why she wanted to come here, to practice, to learn. She could have learned so much about herself but you ruined it.” She sneers.

“Emma would have never fit in here, she’s not a sheep. She’s not a follower.” He replies. “She would have fought back against your manipulation.”

She smirks. “Everyone breaks eventually Killian.”

“Is that what you’re doing? _Breaking me?”_ he snickers. “Telling me lies after lies isn’t breaking me. I’ve always thought stories were entertaining.”

//

_“Why do you should like this is the end?” Killian demands. He feels it in his soul, there’s something she wasn’t telling him._

_Eloise smiles. “Giving up your magic; is something like giving up one’s soul.” She explains. “It requires so much power that the others I’ve tried, my other children, have not survived it, granted they were not my blood nor did they have her power. Perhaps she’ll be an exception.”_

_“An exception? This is your child we’re talking about!” Killian demands horrified._

_“Magic always comes with a price. Alice is just the price I must pay.” She says casually, as if Alice was a simple thing to give up. Except she was never_ hers _to begin with._

_“Don’t you dare touch her!” Killian snarls. “This is madness! Risking Alice’s life? You can’t!” He yells. “Her magic doesn’t belong to you! She doesn’t belong to you!”_

_She smiles softly. “But I can and will.” She says. “You don’t have to worry, once I have the Alice’s magic, I’ll rewrite your memories, you won’t even remember her name.”_

_No. no. no._

_Killian can’t let this happen._

_He can’t let them do them do this._

//

However, something changes suddenly as Eloise storms into the cellar, furry on her face. Killian’s been patiently waiting for this day, a smirk appearing on his features. It appears he made the right move after all. He was starting to doubt it.

“Why Eloise why so glum? Is _Alice_ not eating her veggies?” He taunts. She storms in, appearing on his side of the bars, her hand raises.

“Ah uh ah” He says wagging his finger. “You remember what happened last time you did that.” He taunts.

“How did you know?” She hisses. Her hands slamming onto his chest with an unnatural force. “ _How could you have possibly known?”_

“Rapunzel.” He replies with a staggered breathe

It catches her off guard.

 “Alice loves Rapunzel, always has, but after you picked ‘Mother Gothel’ as your pretend name, it sort of ruined the whole thing for her.” He says with a smirk, looking up at her. He was determined to meet her eyes. “Except for the hair, Alice absolutely hates cutting her hair; it’s down to her waist. That girl you showed me, her hair was nowhere near that long.”

It was something she would have known had she taken _a single moment_ to be a mother to her child.

Eloise yells wordlessly, exiting the cell before stomping around. “You don’t look so motherly throwing a bloody temper tantrum.” He comments. “Better get control again before you have anyone getting second thoughts about following you Eloise.”

               She looks like she wants to strangle him again. He _loves_ knowing she can’t.

               “I’m going to find her.” She vows. “And you’re going to watch as everything you tried to protect vanishes in front of you.” Then storms back up to the surface; before she goes however, the small window in the cell disappears plunging him into darkness once more.

//

_All of a sudden he hears a scream. A loud desperate scream._

_It’s Alice. Killian starts pounding on the door like a mad man, because he knows what’s happening, Eloise’s crazy scheme was hurting her._

_Eloise was hurting her._

_Killian had to stop it._

_Without warning, the door flew open as if it had been blown over by a powerful gust of wind. He doesn’t stand around to figure out what had opened it, he just_ ran.

_Killian was going to stop this madness._

_He could hear his daughter, just a few rooms away, crying and sobbing._

_“Alice!” He cried, reaching the next locked door between him and his child._

_“Papa!” She cried out. It was a wet and terrible sound. He threw his entire body on the door, feeling it’s age as it creaked. He did it again, and again. It wasn’t nearly as sturdy as the other one._

_“No!” Alice cries out suddenly. Killian can hear a shout and glass breaking._

_The door breaks moments later, sending him tumbling into the room. He was surprised by what he found. It was a large room, markings dug into the dirt in a language he didn’t recognize. There were things gathered in the middle, glass, herbs and jewels of some sort. Most of which looked shattered._

_It looked like some sort of offering. Around the circle were plants rooted into the ground, as if these plants had sprouted and ripped into the wood floors. It looked strange and unnatural._

_Eventually he spotted Alice amid the broken pieces, curled up in a ball, arms around herself in obvious fear. She wasn’t moving._

_“Alice?” He says edging closer. She pulls herself deeper into herself, shaking terribly. “Starfish, it’s me, I’m here.” He gets down on her level, careful not to touch the broken glass. “Please look at me.”_

_She shakes her head. He ushers closer, gently touching her arm. “I’m here Starfish. It’s over. This is over.” She glances up at him shakily. Her eyes were puffy and red._

_“Papa?” She says in a quiet voice. He nods._

_Alice practically tackles him, clutches onto his shirt, his arms, his hair, anything she could to hold onto him. He can still feel her shaking as she sobs uncontrollably._

_“Don’t let her do it.” She sobs. “Don’t let her turn me into a tree.”_

_He swears into her hair that he won’t._

_Eloise will never get her hands on his child ever again._

//

“You really got her mad.” Killian blinks his eyes open. He was no longer in eternal darkness.

“Hello? Are you with me?” It takes him a moment to process what was happening, that a young child was standing in front of his cell. She was tapping her foot impatiently.

It didn’t take long for him to recognize her.

“You’re the girl.” He says with awe. He didn’t actually think she was real, just an illusion to manipulate him.

She looks to be around Alice’s age, blonde hair, except it was shorter, just touching her shoulders. Her arms are crossed and she is looking him over quizzically, she did not seem impressed.

“What girl?”

He fumbled his way to explaining what he’d seen. The girl rolls her eyes. “Elsa caught me trying to go home again.” She says with a frustrated sigh. “Doesn’t anyone get that this place is a nut house?”

He smiles at the girl. “Aye, it seems everyone else has fallen for Eloise’s charms.” That girl’s green eyes narrow slightly.

“Eloise?” She repeats curiously.

“Gothel.” He corrects. “Before she was Gothel.” That gets a grin from the girl.

“I’m guessing she hates that name. Good I hate it here so I might as well annoy her a bit more until she lets me go home.” The girl says, crossing her arms and dropping down on the floor with him.

“Lass, that’s not the best idea, antagonizing her tends to have bad consequences…who are you lass?” He asks. “Why are you here?”

She looks him over extending her hand towards him. “My name is Robin Mills.” She introduces proudly. “I’m here to make a deal, I help you get out of here and you bring me back home.”

Now that was a deal Killian happily obliged.


	14. Chapter 14

Alice won’t stop crying, and screaming.

She doesn’t know what to do.

Emma has never seen her like this. Considering she’s known the girl only a few weeks, it wasn’t saying much, but in that short time, Emma really felt like she knew Alice, knew both of them. Alice was a strong girl, strong and resilient.

When she’d come back after sneaking out she was in a similar state, but it was different then. Then they both knew Killian was a walkie-talkie call away. She’d held it together for the most part, talking through tears. Even though she was scared, even though she was confused, she was strong.

The difference is that Killian wasn’t coming this time. Emma is alone with a devastated young girl who doesn’t know how to be strong without her Papa.

Emma doesn’t know what to do.

“Alice…” Emma tries, but Alice’s magic is sparks, making it even harder to get close to her as it bites at her skin. Emma notices that they’re both still in pajamas. They were in their pajamas in the middle of the woods.

Emma doesn’t even have any shoes on. Emma has no idea how to fix any of it. She doesn’t even think there is any ‘fix’ to this. Everything was just broken and Emma is the last person equipped for this.

_God, this is such a god damn mess._

“The bad people took Papa.” She says, eyes full of tears, she was shaking, trembling with anger, fear, sadness all of the above really. It was a god damned mess that makes her want to cry, let alone a 6 year old.

Alice can’t stand still, walking a few steps and then turning around, almost rhythmically, like a pattern to help her get some control back.

But everything is out of control and Emma has no idea what to do to get it back, to try and fix things. Emma doesn’t fix things, Emma breaks things and runs away. “ _Papa!”_ Alice wails as if Killian had the power to come back, to appear in thin air and soothe a distraught Alice. She broke this. She was unable to protect them and now everything was broken _again._

Emma can’t run away. Not now, not when someone needs her, when _Alice_ needs her. Alice the little girl she’d made a flower crown for, the little girl she’s read to and eaten spaghetti with; Alice the little girl who had magic just like her. They are the same.

Emma has to fix this.

“We’ll get him back.” She promises, kneeling down on her level, looking the girl in her eyes. She tries not to think of how red and puffy her eyes are. “I promise, we’ll get him back.” She tries to touch her, embrace her, but Alice refuses. Her sadness turns to anger quickly.

It reminds her a bit of Killian.

“Is it true?” She demands, “Did you help the bad people? Did you betray us?” She asks. “My Papa _loves you.”_

Emma knows. Emma knows Killian loves her, heard it in his voice, saw it in his eyes. Emma knew true love and that was it, that look was it. That was all Emma ever wanted from anyone. She felt his love for her in that moment saying goodbye.

And she felt her own love for him that night in bed together; when she swore she’d never let anyone hurt him. Emma wasn’t going to lose anyone else.

But that’s exactly what she did. She lost Killian, Alice lost Killian.

“Did you let the bad people take him?” Alice asks.

Emma shakes her head adamantly. “No. Never. I never told them, they never sent me.” It doesn’t matter what lies Gothel, _Eloise,_ spews. That was the truth. “But I did know them. I-I told your father that I thought going with them was a good idea.” She admits.

_Honesty,_ Emma knows, _is the best thing right now._

“No!” Alice yells. “They’re bad scary people!” She stomps her feet. “They’ll hurt my Papa! They told me so.” Emma nods. She believes her now. She believed it when Killian sounded terrified at the very thought of going back, the anger he expressed. It had been surprising to see that look on Killian, it reminded her of herself when her social workers tried to send her back to a previous foster home.

“I know, that’s why we were fighting, I didn’t understand. _I didn’t know they were the scary people._ They tricked me.” She admits. Honestly, Emma feels so stupid for believing them. Hadn’t she always thought that when things were too good to be true they most likely weren’t? But after Graham died, she needed something, someone to run to. Emma was lost and they prayed on that. “They tricked me.” She repeats, defeated.

“They tricked us to.” Alice says in a breath, calming down a fraction. “I wanted a Mama so badly. She said she was my Mama, but Mama’s don’t take you out of school and away from home. Mama’s don’t threaten to hurt Papa’s unless you did something. She’s not my Mama.” Alice confirms, sounding far older than her 6 years

               Emma nods adamantly. “She isn’t. You’re right; she’s not your Mama.” She doesn’t know what to do with Alice right now, she feels she’s crossed some line; like this is a talk between her and Killian. Emma feels like an intruder of a very delicate topic.

“Then who is?” Alice asks. “Why don’t I have a Mama? Why do these bad people keep chasing us away from our homes?” Alice seems defeated, tears running down her eyes asking Emma the big questions. Questions she doesn’t have the answers to.

_Killian would know what to do._ Emma thinks. She decides on the truth. The truth is all she ever wanted as a child.

“I don’t have a Mama or a Papa.” She says eventually. “But I did have an Ingrid.” It catches Alice’s attention and stops the tears suddenly, so Emma continues. “She wasn’t my Mom. But she loved me like a Mom does. She took care of me and watched over me and tucked me in at night. She drove me to school, and cleaned up my scrapped knees.”

Alice nods. “Papa does those things.”

“Because he loves you. That’s what you need Alice, that’s all you need, people that love you. You don’t need to call them Mama for them to love you.” It brings a small smile to her face.

“Do I have an Emma?” She asks in a small voice. Emma nods, embracing the child. She doesn’t know how it happened, but the moment she met Alice she couldn’t imagine ever letting anything bad happen to her.

In that moment Emma vows not to run away until Alice was ok. She vows not to run until Alice was with Killian once again.

Alice nods in a huff and takes her hand. “Let’s get going.” She says simply. It catches Emma off guard.

“Going?”

“We have to follow the plan. We need to get going.”

“Going where?” Alice turns to look at her. She seems unsure.

“I don’t think you’re ready yet.” She says simply. Emma nods. She isn’t sure if Alice forgives her entirely, but she could live with this.

//

They walk for a while, through thick forest life and Alice is making a beeline through the trail, almost like she’s following a map. Meanwhile Emma’s trying not to step on any twigs or rocks.

“Papa made me practice.” Alice explains, almost as if she’s read her mind.

And with this kid, Emma wouldn't be surprised.

“Once the Stars told me how to get places without walking, Papa showed me where to go. First we did small distances and then we decided where to land, out of sight he said, so that I don’t scare anyone.”

Emma nods, sensible she thinks, she knows first-hand how terrifying magic could be. Boston had _definitely_ not been a fan of magic. To be fair she herself hadn’t been a fan of magic until recently...

If she’s honest she doesn’t even really know how to use her magic. It usually only kicked in when she was in fear for her life, or someone she cared for. Protecting Killian from Gothel’s spell had been the only time it ever did as she wanted it to.

“We had a place to go, then I’d make a call and I’d be safe until Papa came to get me.” She explains. “We got waffles whenever we practice.”

That gets her attention.

“Waffles?”

“Papa makes me get peanut butter ones because they’re a good source of protein, but I was thinking I could get the chocolate ones this time.” It makes Emma pause, because out of the list of concerns rattling around in Emma’s head, whether or not the kid had a balanced breakfast wan’t one of them.

“I don’t see what’s wrong with chocolate.” Emma agrees slowly, not exactly sure where they were going, but if there were waffles it couldn’t be too bad right?

Eventually they do make it to the road and Alice stops, looking around quizzically.

“Everything ok?” she asks.

Alice doesn’t answer, obviously deep in thought. She takes Emma’s hand and they cross the road. “Always look both ways according to Papa.” She responds automatically.

“Of course.”

//

They do eventually make it where they need to go, a beat up dinner with exactly 2 cars in the parking lot. The waffles suddenly make a lot of sense.

“Alice, I don’t have any money to pay them with.” Emma insists. _She’s also pretty sure they don’t serve people without shoes._ She tries to wipe off as much of the dirt on her feet before entering as possible.

“That’s ok, Uncle Liam will pay the lady when he gets here.” Alice offers.

“Uncle-” But Alice is already bounding towards the entrance before she can get a word out.

Honestly, Emma should have expected Liam to be Killian’s Plan B. But honestly the idea makes her a little nervous.

Liam was supposed to be Killian’s big brother, his confident, and his idol. Emma was pretty sure that he would find problem with his niece calling him without Killian and meeting him with a strange woman without shoes.

However, it seemed like their only option. Lord knew Emma had no one else to call.

The waitress greets Alice warmly. A slender brunette around her age, Lily’s her name and the name tag looks worn and faded. It looks like she’s had this job a long time.

“Where’s your daddy?” the woman asks before glancing her way with a sour expression. “And who’s this?”  She asks looking Emma over. It makes Emma bristle uncomfortably. Something seems off in Emma’s opinion.

“Hi Lily, this is Emma.” Alice introduces warmly. “Can I use your phone?”

“Of course sweetie, your usual booth?”

“Yes please.”

Lily directs Emma as Alice rushes off towards the phone. She looks very pained as she does so. “Alice knows me pretty well; I’ve been friends with her dad for a while.” Lily says with a smirk. “We’ve bonded over some deep stuff.” She says it with this voice of ‘ you wouldn’t understand.’ She leaves without so-much as giving Emma a menu.

Emma rolls her eyes. _Typical._ She thinks. As if Emma doesn’t have enough to deal with, she has a snippety waitress being jealous. It was the perfect way to top off her day.

But compared to her day of losing Killian, of being nearly skewered by Miss Candy Land, this was nothing. She could handle this, Emma could keep her cool and everything would be fine.

Alice practically skips back over and slides into the booth, Lily slinking back immediately afterwards.

“Hey sweetie, decide on anything?” Alice nods.

“Chocolate chip waffles!” She exclaims happily. It brings a smile to Emma’s face. Lily frowns.

“Doesn’t your daddy usually say to get the peanut butter ones?” She offers gently. It makes Alice frown, looking confused. The blonde looks back at Emma unsure.

“She said chocolate.” Emma intrudes firmly. Lily turns to glare at her, as if she’s interrupting something. Lily takes a breath and gives a sigh.

“Ok, if you’re sure pumpkin.” She moves to leave shooting daggers at Emma, but Emma raises her hand.

“Coffee please.” She says it quickly and smirks at Lily sharply. “Cream and two sugars.” The woman slowly nods then leaves with a huff.  Emma is pretty sure that the woman was going to spit in her coffee.

“Is she always here when you come?” Emma asks, alarms bells slowly starting at the look of this place. It looks like something from the early nineties.

“Yup. Well not the first time, there was an older woman here who was very nice, but Lily’s been here the rest of the time, she talks a lot to Papa, but he always tries to get out of here as soon as possible. I don’t know why because _waffles_.”

Emma smiles. “I don’t know either. But do you know what’s better than waffles?” She leans in as if Emma is about to tell her some deep dark secret when a voice calls over them.

“Alice! phone!” Its Lily, because of course it’s Lily. Alice jumps up the booth excitedly and rushes into the back, mumbling about what could _possibly_ be better than _waffles_

Lily comes back without a word, practically dropping her coffee on the table. “Whoops.” She says as some of it spills on the table, completely intentional as far as Emma could tell. This woman’s behavior was really ticking her off. Emma is literally moments from decking the rude waitress.

She knows it would get her removed from the establishment, but it would feel _so good._

She keeps it together; she just needs to keep it a little while longer for Alice. Liam would be here soon and then…Well Emma didn’t know what then, there was a good chance Liam would take Alice and leave Emma behind.

But that didn’t matter; Emma would hold it together until she got Alice somewhere safe, that’s what she promised Killian after all.

_Alice_ was the goal here. Keep her happy and content until her uncle arrives. It was a simple plan relying on some chocolate chip waffles. Maybe with extra whipped cream.

Speaking of which, the meal just arrives in the arms of the older waitress, an older blonde woman this time.

“Right there please.” Emma says simply as the woman smiles. “Thank you.” They are covered in chocolate chips and a swirl of chocolate syrup with an absolute ton of whipped cream. Alice is going to lose her mind when she say it. She smiles just thinking about it.

“Can I get you anything else?” She the woman asks. Emma shakes her head, there looks to be plenty of whipped cream on those pancakes, not to mention the amount of syrup. Alice was going to have a sugar rush in no time, but then Emma freezes. She feels her stomach drop.

_Lily_ is printed on her name tag.

“You’re both Lily?” Emma says slowly. It could be a coincidence she reasons. The name tag looks brand new. Lily wasn’t uncommon enough for it to be impossible. The woman looks at her confused.

“Who?” She asks with a genuine confused expression.

“You’re name tag…”still trying to process what’s happening, process that the person serving them was not an employee, or was a figment of her imagination or…She hears the phone ring, loud and clear above all her racing thoughts.

They never heard the phone ring. Alice wasn’t on the phone.

That’s all she needs to burst from her seat and run to the back where Alice is, where Alice was.

Emma sees the phone all alone and the door leading outside still swinging open. “You can’t be back here!” The waitress yells, but Emma ignores her. She needs to get to Alice. She needs to get to her _now._

Emma should never have left her alone, not for one second. Not with Candy Land and Gothel after them. She was so stupid.

‘ _Lily’_ had her hand on Alice half leading, half dragging her towards her car obviously in a rush. A faded red corvette was in the parking lot, looking strange compared to the old trucks and station wagons parked besides it.

“Hey!” Emma shouts making them stop in their tracks. Lily’s head snaps back towards her in surprise. “Get your hands off of her.” Alice looks up, face bright and oblivious.

“Lily says Uncle Liam wants to meet in town!” She exclaims. “Lily says she’d take us! They have waffles there too!”

Emma glares at the brunette, “Is that so?” She snarls. Her blood is boiling and Emma is exhausted in every sense of the word. She’s tired from walking, from the emotional drainage of a day, worse of all; she’s tired she can’t even give this girl waffles without it blowing up in her face.

Emma swan has had _enough_.

“Yup.” she says, curtly. Emma doesn’t need her superpower to know Lily was full of shit. She strolls up to them, trying to get Alice behind her before she escalated the situation. And Emma had every intention of escalating the situation.

“Alice.” Emma says slowly. “Come here.”

“But-”

“Now Alice.” The girl does as she’s told, here blue eyes wide with confusion but she trust Emma.

“Don’t make this harder than it has to be.” Lily growls.

“I could say the same to you.” Emma snaps back.

There’s a pause, and Emma swears Lily’s eyes are glowing green with murderous rage. Perhaps, they glow a fraction too much to be normal.

“I’m really glad you were a crappy waitress.” She then decks her in the face, making her stumble backwards. “Because that felt fantastic.” She hits her again harder, before kicking her in the stomach.

Emma moves to hit her again, aiming to knock her out fast, but when she lunges, Lily grabs her wrist and cracks her neck, blood trailing down her lip. Her eyes no longer look human, her pupil is a singular slit, much like a lizard.

_Shit._ Emma knows things are about to get dangerous.

She pulls out of Lily’s grip. “Run Alice!”

Thankfully she does as it let them both get far enough away from her before she breathes actual fire at them.

Because _of course_ she breathes fire. Why the hell not.

“You couldn’t have just let me have her could you?” Lily growls; strolling towards them, her arms hanging down loosely. “You couldn’t have just let me win?” She hisses; cracking her neck again, heat radiating off her entire being, and not fever type heat, but Emma was confident that even touching her would burn. Emma backs away from her for a moment, watching her stalk towards them. Something happening to her as she does so, her skin seemed to melting away, leaving blotches of scales in their wake.

“Emma? What’s happening?” Alice asks clutching onto her leg.

“I don’t know, but I don’t want to stay and figure it out.” She admits honestly, pushing her further and further away from Lily.

“I just want to take her to Mother. People like you always get in the way.”

“People like who?” Emma asks, because now Emma knows exactly what this is about. It makes her tense up more because she knows know what they’re dealing with: Desperation.

Her limbs seem to twist as she moves, moving and shifting into place. They seem to transform her into some sort of creature, some sort of lizard.

“People who don’t understand what it’s like to be different!” Lily shouts. “People like you get everything handed to them!”

Now that grinds her gears. “I think you need to just shut up.”

_Not understand what it’s like to be different?_ She seethes, _different_ is all Emma ever felt.

 Since the moment she was born she was the foster kid. When her magic started to manifest when she was 12 years old it only got worse. It got so much worse. She felt different every moment of every d _ay_ , different when she caused a candy machine to short circuit when she got angry, when lights started to flicker when a teacher or a bully made her feel scared, different when every single foster family sent her back because she was a bad luck charm.

Lily takes this moment to blow another puff of fire her way, but Emma’s not scared this time. This time Emma was ready. Magic gathered on her skin, prickling and protecting her practically pushing them back, it made Lily jolt in surprise.

 When Graham died and the whole town thought it was _her fault._ They never liked them together in the first place, but it hurt when they wouldn’t even let her go to the funeral. It hurt when they tried to erase her from his life. It hurt when they blamed her for his death, telling everyone she caused the heart attack.

 Emma thought it was because of the people she was with, thought normal people would never understand her. She thought that she was better off on her own, or maybe people like her. People with magic in their veins just like her.

“Then you should understand.” Lily snickers. “You should join me, come home, where we are wanted and-“ power gathers in her hands and she blasts it, hitting her right in the chest.

She never felt wanted; never felt she belonged until she met Killian and Alice.

“They don’t want us.” She snaps. “They want to _use_ us. Any place that only wants us if we do bad things isn’t worth going at all. It’s not a home.”

Home was a lighthouse in the middle of nowhere. Home was playing checkers with chess pieces, home was reading stories, and tucking in Alice at night.

Home was Killian and Alice and _they destroyed it._

“Well it’s better than nothing.” Lily snarls, lunging at her again, this time Emma can’t get her magic to appear, it short and sputters in her hands. She hears Alice scream as she’s lost in claws and scales and feels nails dig into her neck, feeling her skin hot and fiery.

She begs her magic to fling her off, to work, to help her get Alice home.

               She can’t breathe, feeling a lizard snout in her face, sharp teeth forming. For a moment, Emma thinks she’s going to die.

She thinks Alice is going to be taken to where Killian would rather die than see her go. And Emma was powerless to stop her.

“Oh enough of that.” An unfamiliar voice calls. The weight on top of her vanishes as it’s flung away in a flash of green light. Lily hits a tree and stops moving completely. Emma sucks in a deep breath of air. She’s startled, looking around for the presence. She sees a pair of people looking over at them, one female, deep orange hair over a black blouse and long skirt, she looks rather annoyed at the whole situation, the other is male, familiar blue piercing eyes, but his hair is lighter and curlier.

“Who-“ Emma stutters out, getting to her feet slowly. “Who are you?” Somewhere deep inside, she _knows._ She knows _exactly_ who he is.

She gets her answer promptly however, “Liaammm!” Alice howls, running at full speed practically tackling the man. Prepared, he kneels down and scoops the now sobbing 6 year old into his arms, murmuring softly to her. His weapon, a hand gun dropped at his feet. She hears him call her by name, and then calls her ‘starfish’ as he tries to soothe her.

Seeing Alice with her family, Emma immediately feels at ease.

The woman ruins that peace however. “Where’s Robin?” The woman snaps, strolling up to her impatiently.

“Robin?” Emma repeats, trying to remember if she even knew that name. “I don’t-“ The woman doesn’t stay long enough to hear her answer, deciding to go investigate the spot Lily fell instead. She doesn’t know how to respond, especially when the man, still cradling Alice strolls up to her. He looks furious.

“The better question is who are you, what are you doing with my niece and where the hell is my brother?”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end is in sight! Thank you all for the wonderful comments on this monster of a piece, it means the world to me. I'm so excited to post this chapter.

The girl, Robin, comes back the next day, or what Killian assumes is the next day. Without the light of the window it becomes increasingly more difficult to tell time in Eloise’s dungeon.

She comes back with a small collection of things, pieces of metal mostly, along with some utensils and small tools. “These things are used to pick locks.” The girl says proudly.

It’s a worthy plan Killian agrees, but there proves to be a rather significant problem.

“There’s no lock on the door.” he points out, feeling the smooth metal of the door, there isn’t a blemish to be had. He’d spent several hours contemplating that exact plan. He sees the pride drain from the young girl’s face.

“What about the hinges?” Robin asks. There also appears to be no hinges. It’s as if the metal bars appeared in the wall with no intention of ever releasing their prisoner.

(A thought Killian wouldn’t put past Eloise.)

The girl releases a heavy sigh sinking to the floor cross legged, her arms folded tightly. “This is going to be harder than I thought.” She concluded.

“Aye, but I appreciate the help Miss Mills.” He addresses. The girl rolls her eyes.

“ _Robin_. It’s _Robin_.” Robin insists as she starts nervously running fingers through her hair.

“Alright _Robin_. What exactly led you to be here of all places, you obviously haven't bought into their spiel.” he notices, her being younger it surprises him. He’d expect this type of resilience from someone older. “You’re mother isn’t one of them is she?” He asks.

The girl laughs. “No way. My mom would rather die than be here. Honestly Gothel tried to get my mom here, but she doesn’t exactly like being told what to do.” He can see the girl grin at the mention of her mother. “Once my mom finds out I’m here she’s going to _kill_ Gothel, and then probably me. But that’s fine.” She insists. “Because then I get to go home.”

“Then how did you end up here?” Killian asks. This makes her uncomfortable, makes her fingers twirl through her hair faster.

“I um...maybe I bought into a little of their crap. I thought...well she promised me something...but then went back on it. She actually laughed in my face about it and now won’t let me go home...” She says trailing off. “I _really_ want to go home.”

He believed her, and he swore he’d get her there. Eloise was not going to separate anymore children from their families. But he didn’t exactly know how to go about doing that.

“Do you know how to play cards?” Robin blurts out. He’s taken a back.

“Cards?” He repeats. She nods.

“You know like poker?” He gives her a strange look, this is the last thing he’s expecting.

“You look a little young for gambling lass.”

“My Dad played poker, he was a professional.” She says proudly. “But he didn’t get to teach me...”

“I know how to play, but I’m not too sure if I should be teaching you if your Mom doesn’t want you learning.”

“We are in an evil witch’s cult dungeon” she deadpans. “I don’t think it could get much worse.”

Well she was right about that.

“Alright lass, divide those pieces evenly and we’ll get started.” he says sitting as close to the bars as possible. “I’ll make sure we have a full deck.”

They were missing four cards, but that had never stopped him before. He used to make up odd rule changes when he and Alice were missing pieces to their games and here was no different. After a few hours of playing with Robin they decided to call it a day and Robin disappeared again, promising to come back tomorrow.

She did.

Sometimes they’d play cards, other times she’d ask about random things, how sports worked, why cars were noisy; how to start a fire out of wood.

He tried to teach her chess once but she grew rather bored quickly.

Sometimes she’d come for a few minutes telling him about what Eloise would do: Like when she got so angry she yelled at a woman named Elsa and made the woman cry.

Other times Robin bitterly wanted to pretend they were anywhere else. So he agreed and he pretended they were having a tea party. Robin thought it was stupid at first, but Killian did eventually get her to talk to ‘Mr. Rabbit’. It made Robin laugh so he counted it as a win.

Somehow, however, she never came down when Eloise or whoever else brings him his daily food was here. Killian knew it was only a matter of time before their alliance was caught.

Eloise still taunted them, but they seemed to lose their bite now that she wasn’t his only source of contact from the world above. He tried to pretend otherwise, to protect Robin from being discovered. If Robin was caught and punished because of him, Killian didn’t know if he could live with himself.

“What do they say about Alice and I?” He asks one day staring up at the ceiling as Robin counts the collection of things she brought down that morning. “They have to have some explanation for keeping a man in the dungeon.”

There’s a pause.

“They say you kidnapped her. That you want to use her for her magic, that you brainwashed her.” He looks up at her. “Apparently Eloise had some sort of vision about the Guardian being her daughter and being able to tame the darkest magic ever.” Robin rambles. “I think she’s just a twat.”

Killian chuckles.

“What really did happen?” Robin asks softly.

“Alice is my daughter, my flesh and blood, but Eloise is her mother. Her mother who abandoned her.” He can see the surprise on her face. Eloise, who claims to be everyone’s mother around here, had abandoned her own flesh and blood.  “Eloise thought that Alice was born without magic so she had no need of her. Trust me when I tell you that the only reason she wants you here, is because she sees some use for you, otherwise she’ll throw you away.”

Robin nods, allowing him to continue.

“She tried to enter Alice’s life again, and then kidnapped her from her school and proceeded try and to take her magic from her.”

“ _Take her magic?”_ Robin repeats. “She can’t do that!” Killian nods.

“Alice however...well I’m not too sure how she failed, all I know was that Alice screamed and everything shattered, she broke the spell and we ran. We ran to try and go to the police, but well they didn’t believe us, worse, she made them think _I kidnapped her_.” He shakes his head at the memory, of the teachers recounting a story that never happened, his employees talking about his alcohol consumption, all lies. The only person unaffected was his partner Weaver and his wife, who told him to take Alice and run, Alice who was too scared to leave the house, begging him to not let the bad people turn her into a tree. Weaver told him he’d sort everything out, told him to call Liam and then get out of town. “So we ran until she found us.”

They were quiet for a bit until Robin piped up.

“They haven’t found her.” She says. “If that makes you feel better. Gothel is pissed and biting everyone’s head off, so they haven’t found her.” It did make things better.

“What’s home like for you?” He asks. The girl shrugs.

“Do you have friends. “ She nods. “Do you do any sports?” Another nod. “What does your mom do?”

“Exercise…she runs a small gym in town, does exercise classes and basically does anything to be home.” The girl crosses her arms. “So I do a bunch of after school stuff, usually Aunt Regina comes to get me…”She trails off. “Whenever Mom is home with Aunt Regina they fight, like all the time, about me…”

He watches her get tenser with every word. “They stop when I’m in the room, but it’s always so tense when they’re both there, and Regina is always home with us, sometimes I wish she wouldn’t spend so much time there, but then I’d be alone…” Robin huffs out. “I wanted to run away, but maybe I just wanted to see my mom come get me…for once.”

He wishes he could hug her, he wishes he could tell this young girl, this girl who reminds him so much of Alice some days that _her mother loves her_ , that she is coming to save her.

“She’s coming Robin, you have to believe that.”

“Oh I know. I just wish it wouldn’t take so long. I used to get bully by this kid Jim last year, he would always try to cut my hair on the playground, so one day I had enough, one thing my mom taught me is that if you put up with crap, people will treat you like crap.” He narrows a glance at her.

“You use such terrible language for your age, did you know that?”

Robin rolls her eyes and sticks out her tongue. “You are such a dad.” She says. “Anyway, I lured him up to the top of the castle and pushed the bloody git down the slide.” She says in triumph. “He didn’t mess with me again.”

“You are a very scary 6 year old.”

“I’m 7!”

“You are an equally scary 7 year old.”

“Can you stop interrupting? Well Mrs. Nolan saw me and well called my mom, she want crazy defending me, because she knows I wouldn’t push someone down the slide unless they deserved it, scared Jim’s parents, the principle and my teacher, it was great. When my mom gets here, Gothel will be afraid because my mom is a force to be reckon with.” Robin smiles proudly. “When my mom gets here, she’ll put the fear of God in all of them.”

He believes her.

 

Then one day, at the end of the third week into his stay.  Robin comes bounding in with a bright look on her face.

“I have an idea! I cannot believe I didn’t think about this earlier!” She exclaims practically jumping from foot to foot. “The only way to fight magic is magic after all!”

He laughs at her antics. “Come on Robin spit it out.”

“What if I can magic the wall away?” She asks. It catches him by surprise.

“You have magic?”

He knew she did, knew that Eloise would have no interest in a girl with no magic, but he’d yet to hear her talk about it in the slightest.

She shrugs. “Kinda.” She reaches into her pocket to produce an apple. “I can make this do what I want.”

“Do what you want?” He repeats.

“I’m going to throw this over there.” She points at the staircase leading to freedom. “It’s going to bounce off a bunch of things and you’re going to catch it.” She says it with such certainty that when she does as she claims, it leaves him stunned. It was nothing like Alice’s brand of magic.

“My mom and Aunt think its magic, I’ve always been able to just make things work for me. They say my dad could do things like that too...” She shakes her head. “But it’s all I can really do? I’ve tried to do more but it mostly blows up in my face...” She says trailing off. “It’s like Luck magic. Gothel says everyone has a different brand of magic, Elsa has ice, Gretel has candy, she has nature…” Robin says trailing off.

He gives her a gentle smile, hoping she could get back on topic. “But I think if I practice enough maybe I can make the wall disappear!” She says happily. “Then we can escape!”

He nods. “Alright lass, give it a try.”

She does, she stands firm, hands outstretched, eyes closed. Killian watches with baited breathe, but after a few moments he realizes that nothing is happening.

Robin however doesn’t give up; her face is scrunched this time as she obviously is trying to concentrate harder.

“Lass?” he asks gently.

“It’ll work!”

After a few more moments, Robin sighs in defeats and plops down, folding her knees in her arms. “I just don’t understand. Gothel said she’d help me make it work, but she hasn’t helped me at all. Ever since she got me to this stupid place she’s been doing nothing and I hate it! I hate it hate it!” She started ranting. Killian presses against the bars, wanting to comfort the child but he can’t.

“I just want to go home!” She cries, tears welling up in her eyes, making the young girl look ever so young.

“Oh but you _are_ home darling.”

He sees all the color drain from the girls face as she jolts away from the voice, closer to the bars.

A smirk is painted on Eloise’s face as the girl cowers.

“This-This isn’t my home!” Robin snaps once she’s got her words back. “I want to go home! I want my mom.” Eloise just chuckles.

“Now now, is he putting thoughts in your head Robin?” She chastises. “Perhaps it’s time we all sat down and talked about it.” She says ad flicks her wrist.

Killian stumbles as he lands, mind disoriented, just like the first time Alice did that trick.

They’re no longer in a dungeon, but in her living room at her table.

(He remembers drinking at that table, throwing that table, cooking food at that table that she’d shove down the garbage disposal without even tasting it. He remembers too many things in this place.)

It’s spread out with teacups filled with tea, biscuits and sweets along with milk and sugar. It appears to him that Eloise has prepared them an actual tea party.

Killian had no doubt it was a trick.

“Stay behind me Robin.” He instructed. Robin nods in agreement.

“I hate tea.” She mutters under her breathe.

“I won’t repeat myself.” Eloise says in a dangerous tone. “Sit down.”

He feels Robin shift from behind him. “But didn’t you just repeat yourself?”

He hides her from view knowing full well Eloise wouldn’t take too kindly for her sass.

“Alright we’ll play your games. But I promise you, you’re not laying a single hand on this child.”

She rolls her eyes as he complies. “Like you’ve ever been able to stop me before.” She muses as he does as asked, Robin sits across from Eloise as he takes the spot besides her.

“You can’t lay a hand on me.” He reminds her.

“I’m well aware that you are under protection.” Eloise says with an eye roll. “Perhaps I just want to treat you to something nice, is that so wrong? Doing something nice?”

He doesn’t trust that smirk for a single instant.

“Fine Eloise, do something nice, let Robin go home. She doesn’t want to be here.” He insists.

She shrugs. “Trust me, if you knew her mother, you’d think me mother of the year.” She snickers. That makes Robin perk up.

“Hey, you don’t get to talk about my mom like that!” She says, standing up. “She tries her best.”

He places a hand on Robin’s shoulder. “She’s trying to bait you.” He says, taking a sip of the tea.  

 “Let me go back to Alice, be a god damn mother for once in your life and want what’s best for her!”

“I am what’s best for her!” Eloise snaps, slamming her cup on the table. It makes Robin jump. “I am her mother, she belongs with me. Her power belongs to me.”

“And that’s why you’ll never get it.” He declares. “Because Alice is special, she is pure and selfless and nothing like you.”

“So she’s like you is she?” Eloise prods. “Prove it. Prove you deserve Alice, prove you’re better than me.”

He doesn’t like the sound of this.

“You and I are going to play a little game Killian, winner take all.”

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter refused to write, like seriously, I reworked it three times and rewrote it twice. But i hope it worked out.

“Well?” Liam insists.

For a moment Emma is just stunned. She doesn’t know what to do or say to this man. How does one explain the last few hours to a stranger?

Alice however, knows exactly what to say.

“The bad people came, Liam.” She insists into his shoulder, her little body clutching at her uncle for dear life. “They took Papa, they tried to hurt him.” She whimpers. Liam coos gently into her hair, shooting Emma a pointed glare. “Emma tried to stop them; she saved Papa when Mama tried to hurt him. She wanted to hurt him to punish me.” She said getting louder.

Emma steps forward, physically aching seeing Alice sob helplessly without being able to hold her. “I just want my Papa.” She wails, losing what little composure the 6 year old had left.

“Shh.” Liam says louder, rocking her gently. “We’ll get him back, I promise, we’ll get back Killian. Everything will be ok Starfish. It’ll be alright.” Emma hears the lie in his voice, but Emma disregards it.

“Did you see Robin?” The other presence, the woman with the green power, demands. She came right into her face. Emma could see she was simmering with barely controlled rage. She shakes her head backing away. “She’s 6, a little taller than her, light brown hair…” The woman continues, sounding frantic. Again Emma shakes her head.

“There were two blonde women, one had…candy knives.” She says knowing how ridiculous it sounded. “The other, ice.”

The red head growls under her breath and stalks off to deal with Lily. Emma looks back at Liam. “He told me to run with Alice, come find you, but we were caught…”She tries to explain. Gothel knew what we were doing; she tried to do something to Killian’s heart…” Emma remembered the power she felt humming inside her, humming inside both of them. She hadn’t thought it would work, but Ingrid always said that magic was based around protection; the strongest of spells were those protecting who you most love. “It didn’t work but then they attacked and Killian told Alice to get us away from them, but Killian was too far away for it to work, for us to take him with us when we teleported.”

She could immediately tell Liam did not believe her, his stance was rigid and his grip on Alice was tight, as if he thought she would take her. Emma had no intention of taking Alice.

“And you?” He snaps. “Who exactly are you and how did you find them?” She’s taken aback by the hostility.

“My name is Emma, Killian found me washed up on the shore, I nearly drowned and I was injured. He nursed me back to health and-” Liam’s glare only got harsher. “We became _close_.” She finishes, not exactly sure how to phrase the relationship.

“Come on. Let’s go.” The woman demands, and before anyone can get a word in, she swipes her hand and they are enveloped in green smoke.

It felt smoother than when Alice did it, but it smelled strangely of apples. When Emma blinked, instead of being out in the field, they were inside a cottage, or what remained of a cottage, there were warm colorful decorations hidden beneath a mess of clutter. Most of which was a clutter of papers, take out boxes and vodka.

_It reeked of the stuff_.

“Zelena…” Liam said in a surprisingly gentle voice.

“Robin’s room is the third door on your left.” The woman snapped impatiently, collapsing into a chair, arms crossed. “I’ll talk to her and we’ll figure out what to do from here.” Emma looks back at Alice, who appeared to have worn herself right out with her crying. Liam hesitates for a moment, before doing as Zelena asks, leaving the two of them alone.

The moment he’s gone, Zelena takes her in. She looks her up and down and then pushes the seat next to her out.

“Sit.” Emma does. “Drink vodka?” Emma nods. “Good.” She pours her a glass with vodka and nothing else before taking a swig of it herself. “Tell me everything you know.” She demands.

She does, she tells her how Ingrid sent her to Gothel as a safe haven, how she didn’t immediately go, but after being chased out of one too many towns, one where she was barred from even going to her boyfriend’s funeral she caved. It had seemed like such a perfect fit for her. Gretel was who she met, who told her what she had to do to prove her allegiances to them. While she speaks, Emma begins to notice the state of Zelena. She could see bags hidden beneath layers of makeup, could see that she drank heavily from the bottle, her hair was messy, as if she no longer took care of it.

“Did they ever do a spell on you?” Zelena asks.

Emma thinks briefly. “I think they did a spell to test if I had powers?” but she isn’t entirely sure.

“That was it.” Zelena says leaning back. “There is no spell to test for powers.” The woman assures her. “She did a tracking spell on you.” She gets up, swaying a little, but grabs a pot and some herbs from her cabinet. It’s not until she plops them down that she realizes they’re not herbs, or at least not the traditional ones.

Zelena begins mixing things and powders, murmuring under her breath, her magic swirls the pot and makes it glow an eerie blue color. “Did she make you drink anything? Take an important item or just“ She whips her hand to demonstrate.

“Just the hand thing I think.” Emma replies nervously. “And what do you mean a tracking spell?”

_Does that mean they’re still tracking us?_ Emma thinks in a panic.

Zelena shakes her head. “I wish they were tracking us now, it would be so much easier to find that way.” She hisses. “Put your hand in the pot.”

The gunk is bubbling but they were nowhere near the stove. “What is that stuff?”

Zelena rolls her eyes. “Just do it.” Her gaze clearly says there’s no room for arguing, so she does. It feels kinda like mash potatoes, but only if mashed potatoes also felt like worms.

“What is that?” Emma demands, trying to pull her hand out, it won’t budge.

“Shhh. Just wait.” The mixture bubbles and turns a deep indigo color before releasing her hand. Zelena growls under her breath, obviously unsatisfied with the results. “The spell ran its course, there’s no way to track its origin.” She says as she grabs the pot and dumps its contents down the sink with a slam.

“So what’s next?” Emma says.

“Nothing.” She replies casually. “Bloody nothing.” The pot is dropped loudly into the sink. She goes for the vodka again.

“Zelena…” Emma says trailing off. “There has to be something we can do to find them.” But the red head shakes her head. She seems positively destroyed by the lack of the results, by her separation from Robin. Emma has a pretty good guess as to who Robin is to her, but she hopes she’s wrong.

“Don’t you think I’ve tried?” She demands angrily. “I’ve tried everything and that was before I found Liam, after I heard about their connection with the lead bitch Gothel, I thought…”She trails off. “There is nothing.” She says in resignation. “I’ve failed my daughter, the only person in this world who gives a damn about me.” Emma has no idea what to do. Emma isn’t comforting. Emma isn’t friendly. She’s completely out of her element.

“There has to be something.” She assures her. “Let me see your information so far, I used to track down scum bags for a living, maybe I can see something you don’t?”

Zelena sighed and gestured to the stacks of paper at the table. “Go for it.” She says without the barest trace of hope. But Emma was determined, now that she had a goal, a purpose there would be nothing stopping her.

“No one thought I could do it you know, my sister, when she found out she was _fuming_ mad.” Zelena rambles. “After Robin Sr. died and my baby, Robin was born she even tried to micro manage everything. She’s a real control freak. It didn’t help that Robin sr. was her husband at the time, I know I’m sister of the year, sleeping with my sister husband when they were separated…” Zelena laughed. “I let her. I let her micromanage…I thought I would be a terrible mother and my sister already had two boys so…That’s where she was when she disappeared, with my sister not with me. Not with her mother…” Emma doesn’t know what to do with that, with any of that. But she tries, she puts a hand on the woman’s shoulder as she takes a very heavy drink of the vodka.

“We’ll find her. We’ll make it right.” Zelena doesn’t respond, she just disappears into another room.

She was halfway through a missing child’s report—one Robin Margot Mills—when she looked up to see Liam glaring daggers at her.

Emma pushed it aside; she had a witch to find.

//

Only, finding them would be a lot harder than she thought it would be. What Zelena said about not having any leads was true; there was absolutely nothing within her pile of documents.

It had taken her days to go through them. Thankfully Zelena’s farm house had tons of room and she managed to find a space to properly work through it. Liam had opposed her help at first, but even he had to admit they had nothing.

But Zelena had a decent computer with access to the internet and that yielded some results. She was able to track down a few members of the cult. There was Elsa Arendelle, a runaway heiress to a shipping company, Ingrid’s niece. Her little sister was looking for her, refusing to marry her fiancé without her. Gretel Grimm, her father used to own a bakery until he died last year. There were dozen more children of all ages disappearing in roughly the same area. A third woman, Merida Bow, had been taken from school while her mother had been late dealing with her triplet brothers. The mother had started a whole blog trying to find her.

Robin was the outlier, they lived in Maine, nowhere near the big cities Gothel had been targeting.

“She came looking for me.” Zelena says, gazing hopefully at the paper of names she had constructed. “I was once the Dark One’s student, someone who would practically double her little coven’s power had I been foolish enough to fall into her web.” She says bitterly. “She took my daughter instead.”

“Dark One?” Emma echoes.

“Big bad sorcerer of all evil.” She says sarcastically. “Really harmless now a days.”

Emma blinks in surprise. “Gretel…called me The Savior when we met, when she put that tracking spell on me…and then Alice…she called me the same thing.” It had scared her when she had, reminding her oh so clearly how she hadn’t belonged with that sweet family.

Zelena looks back at her skeptically. “Hmmm. That does explain why your power feels so sweet.” She says offhandedly. “Too much rainbows and sunshine for my liking if I’m honest.”

Emma isn’t exactly sure she should take that. “She said I was supposed to destroy some dark evil…The Dark One more specifically.”

Another eye roll. “Don’t worry about him, he’s been in retirement for decades, him and his pretty wife, all he does now a days is indulge whatever new occupation peeks his interest and take on the occasional student.”

Well that felt like an underwhelming destiny…

“But if you are supposed to be the Savior, your magic could prove useful.” Zelena says mostly to herself then to Emma. “But you obviously don’t know how to use it.” She complains.

“Could you…show me?” Emma asks, practically glaring at her.

Zelena just shrugs, which is as much enthusiasm as Emma can expect.

//

Somehow a routine forms. Zelana would help her get her magic under control in the mornings, and they’d do research until it was time for dinner. Dinner was the only time she got a chance to see Alice.

All day long both Alice and Liam would be scarcely seen. Sometimes they’d stay for breakfast but mostly they’d be up before the sun, but whenever she could, Emma would try her best to talk to Alice, interact in any way she could.

Emma _missed_ Alice more than she ever thought she could. She missed her smile, her laugh the way she saw the world.

Alice would brighten up when they spoke. She would talk about all that she did with Liam that day, sometimes the Zoo, other times the library. It would release the knot in Emma’s stomach whenever she could get these chats with the little girl who had stolen her heart.

“When are we getting Papa back?” Alice would always work into conversation. She was an expert at working a conversation in her favor.

Emma would just smile. “Soon kid, soon.” She’d promise. It was always then that Liam would swoop in and say it was time for Alice to go to bed.

“But Liaaaam I’m not tired.” She would groan, but whisked away she was; away from the dinner table, and Emma. But he wouldn’t just leave it like that, any time Emma tried to say anything about his refusal to have her spend any length of time with Alice, he’d snark back at her. “Perhaps if Killian were here we could discuss this.” Or “I don’t want her to get attached to you, hasn’t she lost enough?” other times it would be blunt like “You’re a bad influence on her, make this easier and keep your distance.”

One night, Emma has _enough._

She’s tired of Liam’s bullshit   She’s tired of thinking she has a lead, but it crashes and burns, tired of how hard her magic is to control, tired of feeling so lost when Liam decides Alice has had enough talking to her.

“If you care so much about your brother, why won’t you help us find him?” She snaps back at him. “If I’m such a bad influence, why not try to find Killian faster so you can convince him that loving me was such a horrible mistake?”

Liam laughs at her, right in her face.

“My brother doesn’t love you, and even if he did, he’s always jumped first asked questions later, he doesn’t see what I see.” Emma rage is boiling and the lights are flickering. Zelena had said that her magic was all about her emotions, that rage and fear were bad for her type of magic, but Emma couldn’t help it.

Killian’s brother was just such an _ass._

“And what do you see?” She snaps. “What great wisdom has spoken to you ‘oh wise one’?”

He gets in her face, despite the magic crackling at her fingers, despite the power radiating out of her, Emma is barely able to hold it back, barley able to keep from snapping at him and-

“You’re dangerous.” He says “14 foster homes in 16 years, 3 of which wanted to adopt you. You run away when things get hard. The one time you did stay? Your boyfriend died of unusual circumstances, but we both know what that means. You killed him with magic.”

She hadn’t expected that, it stings to hear. “Best case scenario, Alice will get her heart broken when things get hard and you run, worse case,” He gestures to her hands, crackling and glowing. “You hurt her. I’m not letting you hurt her.”

All the magic snaps from her in an instant of calm. “Don’t you dare make assumptions about me; Maybe that’s how I was before, but I made a promise to that girl. I promised I’d bring her dad back to her. I’m going to do it, and then if Killian wants me to go, if he wants me to never see either of them again, then I’ll back off but not a second sooner.” She declares.

“Not if I have anything to say about it.” Liam declares. “I’ve found a place to take Alice, a farmhouse with a good school system, far away from here. We’re leaving tomorrow.”

Emma gasps involuntarily.

_Take Alice...away?_

“Y-You can’t do that!” Emma insists. “She can’t lose anyone else! She-“ But she’s cut off.

“We’re leaving?”

It’s Alice, looking to be in a new nightgown holding a brand new stuffed rabbit. She looks stunned. Liam turns around, his eyes wide.

“But what about Papa?” Alice asks in a small voice. Emma doesn’t know what to do. “How are we going to find Papa if we’re separated?” Her eyes flicker from Liam’s to Emma’s and then back to his.

“Starfish…” He trails off. “It’s what Papa would have wanted…” Alice’s eyes narrow angrily.

“You’re lying!” She yells angrily and storms past them right out of the house. Bulbs burst in her wake.

Emma knows that is _not_ a good sign.

“Alice!” Emma shouts, going after the obviously upset girl. Liam moves to stop her, but Emma pushes him aside. “Is that why you won’t help?” She demands. “Because you think he’s dead?”

Liam doesn’t say anything, which is an answer in itself.

“He’s alive!” She shouts, her hand going to her heart. “I feel his heart beating; I feel my magic protecting him. He’s waiting for us, and telling her he’s gone and pushing me, probably the only one who understands what she’s feeling right now, away is _not going to help.”_ She hisses, and storms right after Alice.

Magic is swirling and sparking around Alice, a sound of soft sobs echoing from the storm. “Papa…” She sobs. “Papa…” Branches and leaves are sucked into the vortex, a vortex that was sparking rainbow colors. She’s never seen anything like it.

“Alice!” She yells trying to get into the storm, pushing into the storm. She needs to get closer, needs to get to her. Alice can’t be alone right now. Emma wouldn’t leave her alone with this.

_Magic._ Emma realizes, gazing at her hands. Her magic sparks to life under her command, allowing her to pierce through the protective vortex Alice had created in her sadness.

“Alice!” Emma tries again, this time closer; it makes the little blonde look up, tears racing down her face. “I’m here. It’s ok. You need to stop this, we can talk I promise!” She shakes her head stubbornly.

“I can’t get it to stop.” She sobs, body shaking. “Papa would know…Papa would always make the Stars behave, I can’t. They won’t _listen!”_  She insists.

The storm of magic gets rougher at every word she says, making Emma stumble back away from Alice. But Emma is determined. It’s not long that armed with her magic, she winds up collapsed next to Alice, close enough to pull her into her arms if she needs to.

“You’re dad’s not here Alice.” Emma insists. “It’s just you and me.” Blue eyes look up to her, sad and confused.

“I don’t want to leave.” She insists. “I want to go _home.”_ Emma nods. She wants that too. “I want Papa. I want us to be a family.”

“We’ll find him.” Emma promises. “We’re getting close, I promise. We’ll find him, we’ll all go home, but first you need to stop this, we need to get the Stars to stop this.”

“Oh stop the Stars nonsense.” Says a voice walking through the storm cloaked in green light. It makes them both look up in surprise. “There are no Stars.”

“No stars?” Alice repeats.

“It’s you, it’s always been you.” The woman explains offhandedly. Emma bristles, unsure what breaking the girl’s belief will do. “The things you know? It’s the sixth sense sometimes present in powerful earth magic. These powers? All you sweetheart.”

Alice blinks. “You need to own it and control it if you want to ever protect anything and anyone.” Alice looks back at Emma unsure.

“You can do it, I’m right here.” Emma insists.

Alice closes her eyes and she takes a breath. As quickly as it started the storm dissipated, her eyes open and lock on Emma, she tackles her and Emma is ready taking the little girl into her arms.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Emma vows, “I’ll always be here for you, here with you for as long as I live.” She means it; she means it to the bottom of her soul.

“Now Emma, we need to talk to me about that protection you said you put on Jones.”

//

Apparently the spell Emma had put on him in the moment to protect him was enough to track them.

“You should have bloody told me instead of wasting my time.” Zelena mutters under her breath mixing a weird concoction on her stove. “We could have had them back weeks ago.”

Emma hadn’t known. She hadn’t known that she’d done anything useful like that.

“But it kept him safe!” Alice insists, eating her breakfast at Emma’s side, smiling brighter than ever. “Emma can you braid my hair?” She asks.

“Of course.” Liam stands of to the side, watching with a glare, but he says nothing, has said nothing since Alice’s meltdown. “How long should it take?”

“Minutes.” Zelena assures her. ”Then we’ll find them and I’ll be able to rip those witches limb from limb.”

Emma feels Alice shift from besides her. “That’s not very nice.”

“Taking my daughter from me isn’t very nice either.”

“That’s true.”

Emma smiles, standing up to clear away Alice’s dirty dishes.

_Everything’s going to work out._ Emma thinks confidently. _Just hold on Killian._

Then suddenly she feels a sharp pain deep in her chest.  It takes away her breath and she doubles over clutching her chest, her heart. She hears Alice scream as the plates in her hand crash and break. Hands go to get her up but she pushes past it.

It feels like her heart is physically _breaking._ Or maybe it isn’t her heart that’s breaking or crumbling or…

“Something’s wrong.” She says in a gasp, it feels like she’s being drained of her strength. Eventually Zelena and Liam are able to hook their arms around her and pull her into a sitting positon.

“What’s wrong? Emma, talk to me.” Zelena insists. She can’t.

“I think-Killian, I think something’s wrong with him…” She trails off, eyes opening to see worried faces looking down at her. “We need to-we need to find him right now.”

**Author's Note:**

> All my works are still available on fanfic as well as my tumblr @LassLuna.


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